Should I have a goal in life?

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I had a session with the psychologist today. She observed that all of my goals are based on trying to please other people or trying to make myself look good in their eyes. All of my career goals, educational goals and even romantic goals are about trying to please other people or keep up with the neighbors (or cousins).

She asked me what I would do with my life if I wasn't trying to keep up with people. I said that was how I lived in my early early 20s. I worked 2 days per work and lived in squalor in my mum's house. All day I either played games or surfed the web. I had no pride and no desire for pride.

The psychologist said it wouldn't be a good idea to go back to that lifestyle since she says doing nothing all day is likely to worsen my depression. She says it's healthy to have goals but they should be the goals I want, not the goals I think other people think I should be persuing.

The trouble is, I can't think of any goal that isn't based on pleasing other people or keeping up with other people. Nothing. How can I think of one? What can my goal be that's just for myself? I can't think of anything.

The Dali Lama said "The purpose of life is to be happy". Some volunteering is good, but not to the point where you lose yourself. You cant bring happiness to everyone. Do you have a special interest? Something you really like?

Goals seem to usually be about improving your life situation. I have three. The first two is to buy a house, and to earn enough on my painting to sustain myself. The third is to stop being such a pushover. These are all about making my life more comfortable. I think I would be less stressed out if I managed to reach them.

If you were happy when you only had to work two days a week, maybe your goal is to find a way to do that again? I do that, and I don't get depressed because I'm still productive every other day of the week, doing things that both make me money and that I enjoy (painting).
Or, since you seem to be a people-pleaser as well, maybe you need a goal that says Start caring more about yourself than others?

I think goals might be a bit overrated. Yes, it's good to have something that can keep you motivated, and reaching a goal gives a great sense of accomplishment. But they can also cause great stress and frustration if you can't reach them, and make your current situation seem worse than it is. So only look for one if you think you need it. If you're content as you are, why bother chasing something if it's only for the chase's sake?

I'm still bumbling along at the age of 62. If I have any sort of goal it's more to avoid doing things I don't like.

I think having a goal in one's life is good. Wanting to reach that goal is something that keeps people pushing forward and keeps them from giving up even when things don't go so well.

For now, you could make finding a goal your goal. Try different things, figure out what you like and what you think would be realistic for you to achieve (even if it was hard.)

But of course, if you're satisfied with the way your life is now and with aiming for the things other people want you to achieve then there's no point in looking for a goal in life just so that you'll have one.

If I did that I would be in the exact same position I was in before. Unable to think of a goal.

My goals are also primarily focused on improving my situation. I absolutely hate living in the southern United States and so I enrolled in college with the goal of being able to move and get a job in another part of the country. My other goals are all special interest related.

I think a good place to start when looking for a goal is to think of one of 2 things:
1. Is there anything you really don't like about your life? What might help fix that?
2. Is there anything that makes you really happy? What could you pursue in relation to that thing?

You put me in mind of the sergeant on a TV show who said, "If you can't be any good to yourself, then go out and help somebody else."

It seems to me that you don't have a sense of self-worth. So goals directed at helping or improving yourself might not seem appropriate to you.

That would leave volunteering, where you get nothing for yourself.

How do you find something? I use the Volunteer Bureau in my city. It's amazing the range of things people need help with, and they match me up with something convenient to my own situation. It's never something I would have found by myself, like the local rehab who needed ordinary sober people to visit the recently dried-out clients who don't know how to hang out with anybody who's not high.

You and I are different people so don't go by what volunteer work was good for me. Phone your own and they'll interview you and find something you can do. Try it - really, please.

Another source for you might be

https://www.volunteermatch.org

On the left-hand column, you can choose Local or Virtual. For Local, you just type in your postal code and it'll bring things up.

I'm disabled so I choose Virtual.

Good luck! Can you let us know how you get on, even if not at all?

You should have realistic goals.

Be inspired by others’ accomplishments, but don’t compare yourself to others.

So what if some guy got a pretty girl at age 20; he just might lose her by 22.

So what if somebody gets a house early—why do you think there are so many foreclosures? It’s because somebody compared his/her self to others, and bought something unaffordable. This happens all the time.

Be satisfied with what you got. Aspire for more, but be content with what you have already.

Correct. I don't have a sense of self-worth because I'm always so far behind other people.I tried "improving myself" before. It worked for a while. I managed to get a job and an apartment, had a few girlfriends, etc but I was still behind other people. The trouble with improving myself is that I can never improve myself enough to be as good as other people. No matter how much better I get I'm still a failure compared to them.

So that's why I need some other type of goal.

Maybe I should try to socialize more. I'm not sure. I like socializing but I also like being by myself all the time.

My main social outlet is usually dating. Maybe I should find a more stable social outlet.

You'll always be "behind" somebody, RetroGamer.

You've got a much better apartment than what I got. And probably a better job, too.

But you don't find me lamenting my existence. You shouldn't, either.

You're not living in the street.

You should really take Kraftie's advice that he offered above.

But good luck with your life and wanting to improve.

I will.

Improve, but don’t lament.