Did you use to think you'd grow out of AS one day?

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I was 100% SURE of it in my childhood and adolescence, thinking that in my early adulthood I'd be socially just like everybody else and that the days of all my untypical behaviors, ways of reacting to particular stuff and inclinations which I can classify into the group I'd describe with a general term of quirks would be over then. I was so sure of it as I was sure of my own name because I took it for granted that growing out of some things is a natural process (well, it is - but not in the case of developmental disorders).

No, because I've enjoyed my obsessions, too much. I didn't want to "try" to grow out of it, if it meant for me, not to have another special interest, ever again, so I've stopped trying and started living. Why would I want to try to be like everybody else, when I never was?

I've never thought that. But I did used to believe that having AS made me "ret*d", until I read books about it and learned that people with AS have average to above average intelligence.

I always perceived myself as someone superior to all those "average Joes" but I did want to get better social skills and I thought one day I would.

I didn't know I was autistic but I think because of my nonautistic brother I associated "teenager" with "a group of friends". Then I got what I thought was a group of friends when I was a teenager and felt just like my brother. Then I realized most of the "friends" were indifferent to me at best, some hated me, and some only liked having me around in order to mess with me. Unfortunately I only found that out years later after being a running joke to these people for years. I figured it out after I got closer to a couple real friends. I actually expected my real friends to make fun or play sadistic jokes and when they didn't I was surprised and caught on and dropped my old "friends" like a hot potato. Unfortunately they believe they own me and still try to get my attention or mess with me. I mostly ignore them. So that's what I got for thinking I was no longer (whatever category I put myself in before I learned I was autistic). I was really happy but now I wish I'd never met them.

I don't think I ever had the conscious thought that I'd outgrow my poor social skills, because I didn't know I had AS (or even what it was), and I knew that being the way I was was such a deeply rooted part of my personality that it wasn't likely it would ever completely disappear (and it didn't).

However, I will say that over the years, I did learn and develop and become much, much better at functioning socially and I did lose a lot of the hesitance and shyness. I don't by any means feel I've been 'cured' or 'grown out of my Autism' - the thought processes and impulses, my ways of viewing the world and my emotional and intellectual reactions to that world are essentially unchanged. I've just picked up on a lot of the day-to-day NT social methodology, by both passive observation and painful experience. I also don't claim to be particularly good at any of it, but I can muddle through in my clumsy way.

A lot of that 'social skills' stuff can be learned, in spite of our Autism - we just don't pick it up unconsciously in childhood like they do. We gotta figure that sh*t out on our own.

I didn't even know I was autistic until two years ago. I knew I was different. I knew I was weird. I knew I came from a family that was not like other families. It was not until three years ago when my nephew was dx'ed with autism that the unraveling in my family and in me began.
So the question makes no sense to me.

However, because of the types of "therapy" I did for many years, I was inculcated with the view and the belief that all my issues were surmountable and healable...if only I worked hard enough at trying to 'work on them." I worked harder than anyone I know - with few results that actually changed or altered my way of being and my autistic consciousness. In fact, a lot of that therapy and the promotion of ideals such as trying to socialise, "get out there in the world and have a go" and battle through" were in fact really detrimental to me in terms of breakdowns, chronic overload, existential desolation, denial of self etc. and suicidal ideation long term.

A formal dx from an autism specialist has given me the peace and understanding to at least stop trying so hard and just accept me. You see, in plain old non AS specific therapy, I was being asked to be "NT' by therapists, without any reference to the term. Their demands and expectations were that I should be like others. This was an unspoken assumption and in my view, it is what a lot of older undiagnosed people experience prior to correct ASD dx...that somehow they are inherently 'flawed' and can do better. I hear it all the time with those I know who are dx'ed in my age group. I was repeatedly told my way of perceiving and experiencing the world was flawed, wrong and needed alteration and tweaking. I needed to do more, accept more, be more, change more, work more,socialise more, get out there more, be like everyone else more.........

To walk into an ASD specialist's rooms in my late 40's, and to finally be told that who I was and what I was made perfect sense in relation to the autistic paradigm...was revelatory. To be told that I am OBVIOUSLY a woman with Asperger's Syndrome and that to a trained eye my presentation is glaringly obvious, was nothing short of miraculous for me. It was the mystery solved, the puzzle completed, and the incessant internal questioning... "why don't i relate to the world and the people in it like other people around me do...." from that day on...ceased.

And THAT...is a HUGE gift to receive belatedly in life, as I edge towards this side of fifty. I wish it had occurred in my early childhood.

Up until recently, I thought I for sure "grew out" of my autism. Then I left high school, and still don't have any more friends than before I left high school. I still talk out of turn, I have tics, and I still come off as "creepy" My autism is still there that's for sure.

Before I knew I had AS, I used to think that with enough research, training and effort I could eventually become 'normal'.

I never new about autism as a kid. I figured I'd grow out of my problems and everything would be okay as an adult. Now, after having learned of AS a few years ago, I have an official diagnosis and nothing has changed.

I actually feel worse for this guy in that group who also had poor social skills and was always the butt of their jokes. One time two of them manipulated things to break him up with his girlfriend (and he had a hard time getting girlfriends) so one of them could sleep with her. And he still thinks they're his friiends. He's in his thirties now. Never been diagnosed with anything. And still sometimes wishes he could be in on the "fun" if only he weren't the target. He must be really messed up inside by now and hasn't had the chance I have to get away. Not that that crowd makes it easy to get away but it's better to try than not. So on balance I think he's in a worse position.

I'm with Willard on this one.

I didn't know I had AS, didn't think I'd "grow out" of it, but for the most part, I think I did.

I didn't know I had it either, not until I was in my late 50's. I did wonder why I never grew up, though.

Once, in a stay in a mental hospital my parents put me in long before they knew anything about AS, I met a thirty five year old man that I was told became delayed in mental and emotional growth as a three year old. He did not read, but he had memorized the monopoly game cards, he couldn't count but he had memorized the spots on cards and played a mean hand of gin rummy! He was the most practiced three year old you had ever met, as he had had over three decades to learn to be three years old.

that is why I know people can 'get more practiced' over time, without actually changing the condition inside of themselves.

I used to hope I'd "grow out of it" but I eventually accepted I never would/will. Now I just think (for me) its possible to learn to cope with the problems it causes me but it will always be a part of me.