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eddie1
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26 Aug 2010, 7:05 pm

Tonight after an event we are at a pub and someone pours drinks for everyone at the table including people that already had drinks
except me who did not have a drink. I'm not understanding if this is a purposeful action or not. After a minute of watching people
drink I announce it's time for me to leave.



Janissy
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26 Aug 2010, 7:19 pm

Your lack of a drink was taken to mean that you were abstaining on purpose, perhaps as a designated driver, somebody who couldn't drink for medical reasons or as somebody who was there for the company and not the drinks.

That;'s my guess.



Countess
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26 Aug 2010, 7:23 pm

Janissy wrote:
Your lack of a drink was taken to mean that you were abstaining on purpose, perhaps as a designated driver, somebody who couldn't drink for medical reasons or as somebody who was there for the company and not the drinks.

That;'s my guess.


This is a good guess. Did you order a drink? They may have been assuming you did not want one if you didn't ask.



happymusic
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26 Aug 2010, 7:23 pm

Yeah they may have thought you were driving. Were they just filling glasses that were already on the table? They may not have realized that you didn't have one. That's a very friendly gesture and I don't think anyone would purposely leave someone out, even if they didn't like the person. It sounds like a mistake.



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26 Aug 2010, 7:35 pm

I'm pretty sure I disagree with all the answers so far. You should have been asked if you were DD. Or, you should have at least been given one, unless...

You walked in on your own, or were "tagging along" with a group that maybe didn't expect you too (?)

If the bartender knew all of them he may have known the intentions. If you clearly were with them, that's really odd, and I dare say rude. If it were me, I would take it as a message and leave too. That is typical NT rude exclusionary behavior if you ask me. I've seen it and been the brunt of it way too often not to know it.


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eddie1
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26 Aug 2010, 7:53 pm

MrXxx wrote:
I'm pretty sure I disagree with all the answers so far. You should have been asked if you were DD. Or, you should have at least been given one, unless...

You walked in on your own, or were "tagging along" with a group that maybe didn't expect you too (?)

If the bartender knew all of them he may have known the intentions. If you clearly were with them, that's really odd, and I dare say rude. If it were me, I would take it as a message and leave too. That is typical NT rude exclusionary behavior if you ask me. I've seen it and been the brunt of it way too often not to know it.


We all came together from a sporting event and everyone knew I was not a DD. The drinks were poured from a pitcher of beer at our table
by one of the group. It was either since the pitcher of beer did not provide enough beer for everyone to get a full glass and the person that
poured decided not to pour glasses that were near full so everyone had a glass and gave glasses to those that had drinks already or on purpose.



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26 Aug 2010, 7:58 pm

eddie1 wrote:
MrXxx wrote:
I'm pretty sure I disagree with all the answers so far. You should have been asked if you were DD. Or, you should have at least been given one, unless...

You walked in on your own, or were "tagging along" with a group that maybe didn't expect you too (?)

If the bartender knew all of them he may have known the intentions. If you clearly were with them, that's really odd, and I dare say rude. If it were me, I would take it as a message and leave too. That is typical NT rude exclusionary behavior if you ask me. I've seen it and been the brunt of it way too often not to know it.


We all came together from a sporting event and everyone knew I was not a DD. The drinks were poured from a pitcher of beer at our table
by one of the group. It was either since the pitcher of beer did not provide enough beer for everyone to get a full glass and the person that
poured decided not to pour glasses that were near full so everyone had a glass and gave glasses to those that had drinks already or on purpose.


Do you usually drink around them?



MrXxx
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26 Aug 2010, 8:00 pm

eddie1 wrote:
MrXxx wrote:
I'm pretty sure I disagree with all the answers so far. You should have been asked if you were DD. Or, you should have at least been given one, unless...

You walked in on your own, or were "tagging along" with a group that maybe didn't expect you too (?)

If the bartender knew all of them he may have known the intentions. If you clearly were with them, that's really odd, and I dare say rude. If it were me, I would take it as a message and leave too. That is typical NT rude exclusionary behavior if you ask me. I've seen it and been the brunt of it way too often not to know it.


We all came together from a sporting event and everyone knew I was not a DD. The drinks were poured from a pitcher of beer at our table
by one of the group. It was either since the pitcher of beer did not provide enough beer for everyone to get a full glass and the person that
poured decided not to pour glasses that were near full so everyone had a glass and gave glasses to those that had drinks already or on purpose.


Yeah, the "appropriate" way to deal with that would have been for the "pourer" to mention that another pitcher was needed as there wasn't enough, IMHO. What, were they all Aspies? :lol:

I can't really say for sure, because I wasn't there, but it sure sounds like a lot of real situations I've been in with NT's. Have they ever done things like that before? In my case, it took a lot of incidents like that to finally "get" the message they really didn't want me around. A pretty childish way to handle it I think. I'd prefer people just come right out and tell me if they don't like me. I hate playing along with their idiotic games, then feeling even more stupid for not getting it earlier.


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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


happymusic
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26 Aug 2010, 8:35 pm

Did you say anything, eddie1? Like "Hey, where's mine?" or in a 3 stooge way "what am I, chopped livah?". I know a guy who can turn any social mistep into a joke - it's actually a talent I think he has that makes him very popular. People just like being around him for it.



ScottyN
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26 Aug 2010, 9:41 pm

This situation sounds very familiar. Last time I was at a bar with 2 other friends, the waitress would come by and just put down beer for me to drink, even though I did not say I wanted another. At the end of the night, all she wanted was her tip. Maybe its just that waitress, but its always a case of "that Waitress" or "this or that guy" being rude. It must be a subtle social thing I miss that causes these reactions. In any case, now you know why aspies and our world are a different culture. N/Ts do not like to interact with us in a civil manner.



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27 Aug 2010, 5:10 am

This thread is a perfect example of why people with Asperger's syndrome feel disliked / excluded / hated / ashamed (whatever goes through your mind reading the OP's scenario).

What if the missing drink meant absolutely nothing? Most people would have smiled, or said something, or used appropriate body language, possibly without drawing any attention whatsoever, and been poured a drink.

People with Asperger's lack the social skills to move with the situation, and end up on Wrong Planet discussing as many negative permutations and possibilities as they can think of.



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27 Aug 2010, 6:10 am

Eddie it's not quite clear if you already had a glass in front of you or if you had already been drinking that night.

If you had an empty glass, or had been drinking already that night, they should have poured you a new one, empty pitcher or not.

If you had not tasted any beer that night, then
Either
1> it was appropriate social proceedure to not 'peer pressure' you into drinking
OR
2> they had previously arranged amongst themselves to split the cost of the pitcher. In which case they should have invited you to split the next one with them.