Searching for an autistic Mentor

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Hello Everyone,

My name is Shaun and I'm Mom to Tenzin. Tenzin is Tibetan-American and he has autism. His Dad grew up in Tibet, I grew up in America and we met in India.

Tenzin is an awesome kid. He's 6 years old, very sweet. He just started kindergarten this year after two years of developmental preschool, which was helpful for him

in terms of learning to follow instructions, social skills, and academic stuff. Also, I'm sure the structure was a relief for him, since I'm an unstructured person.

He's going to a public Montessori school, and is in an inclusion program. He LOVES the other children and he LOVES going to school because he's so social. NOT that

he has great social skills... He is verbal but words are very difficult for him to understand and produce. He has one friends at school, a Chinese boy who was adopted by an American couple.

He doesn't have the same expectations for conversation the other children have. They hug each other periodically all day. I am thrilled beyond belief that Tenzin has

Julian to pal around with. The other kids like him, but they don't get him and don't have the patience to try to bring him into their play.

He's extremely visual, and the people at school are finally getting that he needs visuals for everything in order to learn with his peers. Anyway, I'm looking for a teen or adult on the

autism spectrum who would be willing to be a mentor for us. I'm very sensitive, but I'm not on the spectrum and there is so much that I don't understand about my son's internal experience.

I'm trying to learn from books but I learn better through conversation with real people, my way of learning is through inter-personal experience with others.

I'm looking for someone who can communicate with effort, thinks in pictures, likes to be social and has some time to give to a Mom and her son. Maybe a chat once a month or something like that.

I'm looking for advice on how to best support Tenzin at school, at home, in life. I could use support too. And, in turn, I'm really good at listening and could offer support as a neurotypical (albeit highly sensitive).

I've come to see autism as a gift, a way of perceiving that has benefitted humanity all along, but also comes with intense challenges that can make life hard to bear without support.

Please write if you are interested in writing or talking with me. Let's see if we can connect! My expectations are not huge and I realize that what becomes of this mentorship will depend on if we connect or not.

Thank You! Shaun

I'm very much unlike your boy--my focus is verbal and logical, not visual--but I did want to note that (if you haven't noticed this yet) parents, spouses, and friends of autistic people come here all the time to ask questions, and we find it very interesting to discuss things with them. There's a specific parents' forum, but you can post questions in General too.

Thanks, Callista.

I'm hoping for conversation off board or through IM, so it's like a conversation.

My questions come up easier through conversation.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you find what you're looking for , for your son.

Something you should probably do is expose you and your kid to a lot of autistic adults until you find someone who really clicks with your son.

I had a lot of people my mom or professionals tried to assign me as mentors. It never worked out. I ended up meeting a couple people totally by accident on an IRC channel and an autism conference who did end up in that role for me but it was crucial that nobody planned it out for me.

Before I met them I occasionally met autistic people who wanted to mentor me. But their variants of autism were very different. But they didn't know that and they kept interpreting my actions on their terms and it didn't work out. The two people I eventually met were people who either had life experience or form of autism at least partly in common with me and also had personalities where they weren't trying to impose things on me.

Also be aware not all autistic people are safe. There used to be an autistic man who was also a pedophile and he would find autistic children or teens in chat rooms and use sexually explicit language with us canother time an autistic woman told me she felt like my big sister and wanted to help me. She ended up stalking me, threatening me with death, digging up bullies from my past to have another go at me, and trying to spread defamatory information far and wide and make it look as realistic as possible. She has done it to others and leaves a trail of friends and other good things broken apart in her wake, and has blackmailed people and the list goes on and on.

So good luck but be careful. There are people out there who are either malicious or well meaning but clueless, and both can cause damage. You'll want to be careful and really see who your son clicks with.

This is true... People sometimes don't think about it because I guess there's still the old "Disabled people are angels" thing floating around; but we're human and human beings are sometimes just plain evil to each other.

Hey, have you got an autism support group in your area? If you can find one that isn't a bunch of "pity me my child is damaged" bullcrap, then it can be a good resource to find other autistic people. If you find one specific to Asperger's, you're more likely to meet adults (the one I've attended had a lot of regular autism and pdd-nos, too), though you may not manage to find someone with your son's particular visual-learning style.

I would recommend trying to connect with people who have autism/AS or who are associated with the autism/AS community in your local area.

You can segue in to this by participating in an event such as a autism walk, or by finding organizations or support groups in your local area ( such as the ARC or GRASP). Also try resources such as your local library, house of worship, school district, Social Services, etc. They can usually steer you in the right direction in getting involved in the autism community.

As an example, in a couple of weeks I am partaking in our local autism walk. I don't 100% agree with it's ties to Autism Speaks, but I am using it as a networking tool to get to know the people in our local autism/AS community better, and hopefully provide parents, children, and others afflicted with these disorders with assistance and advice.

Hey, I'm not afflicted with autism. I'm afflicted with a stupid prejudiced world that figures I'm defective.

... sorry. I get picky sometimes about inaccurate words. You probably meant to say "affected"?

Thanks for the advice all.

I didn't really think about local groups for people on the spectrum... I wonder if I'd actually be welcome in
such a group since I'm not on the spectrum and my son is too young to contribute to the conversation.

From your experience do "allies" come to these meetings?

(Might be a dumb question since you've already made the suggestion. I get nervous about invading
"safe space".)

btw, I appreciate the warning about dangerous people... I get it. People are people, with all kinds of issues whether or not
they also have autism or any other difference. I do not view all people with differences as angels or nice or any stereotype.

Sometimes I do find it hard to tease apart Tenzin's autistic aspects from his personality, just like it's sometimes hard to figure out
if some aspect of my husband is due to his culture or if it's just his personality. In the end, the perplexing "thing" is who they are regardless of why.

About one-third of the people who come to my particular group tend to be parents, spouses, friends, and professionals. Oh, and one grandpa, I think. They mostly come with the people they're supporting, since many can't drive, but there are also parents with children too young to sit still.

Every group will be different. Some are parents-only and even actively reject adult autistics. These, of course, are the sort you want to avoid...

I will check out local meetings.

I'm sorry you've had negative experiences. I can't believe parents would reject adult autistics! How brave of someone to even offer to show up to

a meeting and be a voice for their children. I'm over here like, "Hello!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! Where are the ASD adults???? Come talk to me , guide me

in my ignorance." That's totally crazy to me....

I hope that I am so lucky.

Well, here's a place to start, right?

Take Care!