Just sent the email for first app with psychiatrist

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I’ve been putting it off for about the past year. Starting the diagnosis process. I had a bit of a breakdown recently and my parents brought up the subject of me going to see someone. I used to think that I could just...figure it out all on my own and continue on without a label for fear of being put on some list somewhere of people that need to be watched or something….

Alas, I just sent the initial “I’d like to make an appointment email” and now I’m just waiting for her phone call. I am nervous. Not really about the diagnosis though..just I guess about talking to someone I haven’t met yet. Cause I’m pretty sure that I’m right about my brain cause well...I’ve been living this life for 24 years.

I just didn’t think my parents would go for it cause of money...so I just set it off to the side. But I think if I put it off any longer things are just going to get more chaotic for me. As I get older. Maybe.

Well, she called me back and said that she can't diagnose AS. Even though she has that listed as one of her specialties. Maybe that just means that she treats people who have already been diagnosed.

I know it's not like I'm going to automatically change or whatever. But I know that I've been different my entire life and I want to be able to talk to people who have been diagnosed and I want them to take me seriously and not to think that I am just seeking attention. Cause well, I actually hate attention.

I don't know what I'm going to do now.
Maybe just stay off the radar.

Did she mention someone else who COULD diagnose you?

It says in your signature line that you already got a strong score on the Aspie test. That's probably accurate. False negatives would be more likely than a false positive in that test. I would also go ahead and take the RAADS-R if you haven't already. It's similar to the aspie quiz but it lets you choose if things are true now, true when you were younger, and so on. If that also gives you a solid score of being autistic, I mean, you're autistic.

The benefits to being diagnosed are that you can ask for ADA accommodations at work or in a school environment and IF (please note IF) you have a smart doctor they will take autism into consideration if you need to take anxiety or depression medications. Sometimes autistic people need lighter doses than other people. That can also be true with other things, like Benadryl or alcohol. Some things may affect you differently than other people.

I'm not sure there is a benefit to not being diagnosed, if it's something you're pretty sure is true for you. But sometimes it's hard to get diagnosed officially.

It scored me all yellow.

http://www.aspietests.org/raads/questio ... cale=en_GB

Me too.

http://www.aspietests.org/raads/questions.php

194? I thought I was more normal than that!

The reason I found out about AS was I met a man who was so much like me that it was weird and I couldn't put my finger on what it was that made us so similar.

Admittedly, I had/have a huge crush on this man. I found this out 3-4 years ago...his friend told me that he thought maybe he was somewhat autistic because it runs in his family. I started looking more into it and I was very relieved to have found the answer I was looking for. I can say it's the greatest relief I've ever felt in my life. Finding out there is a population of people who deal with the same things I do.

He is nice. We haven’t talked for about 3 weeks or something. We’ve seen each other randomly and hung out a couple of times over the past 5 years. He got f****d over real bad by a girl and so every time we end up hanging out...I want to hang out again too soon and I think he feels that I want to possess him. But I am just too excited about finding someone like me and I think I overwhelm him. And he said that he is basically afraid of getting hurt like that again. Cause there’s no healing for him if it happens again. The whole situation is very confusing for me. But I think that we’ll meet again because this happens every time. He pushes me away. But we have made out and stuff...and that’s what makes it so confusing for me. He says I could dismember him so...I just can’t decide if he thinks I’m ugly or stupid or something. But why would he do physical things with me if he thought I was gross?

We have a lot in common. And that includes getting lost up in the mind and going to war with yourself everyday. To put it simply: It sucks. Sometimes I worry that he thinks I'm lying about having similar interests because that way it seems we have more in common. But it's true. And I might feel the same way if someone were saying it to me cause it just doesn't really happen. Finding someone who deals with things the same way I do. And so, understands...

Knowing he exists in this town makes it impossible for me to even want to try dating/hanging out with anyone else……..ever. I find myself wanting to wait around for him until I know he's found someone. Yeah, it’s stupid. I know.