Any kind of guide for Aspies to understand normal people?

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I've been trying to figure out "normal people" lately and always get frustrated. I don't get them. Too many of my friends and family are Aspies and I always thought we're only a little different. Is there some sort of easy guide or summary about what NT people are like?

Should I just assume that if I just can't figure it out, it's normal? Like I had a couple friends who would read romance novels, and cried at least half the time through it, and used up a box of Kleenex for each book. I'd ask "why do you want to read it if it makes you so upset?" They hand me the book "Oh it's so good, so beautiful, you have to read it to understand." I read the book, giggled half the time about how stupid or cliche it is, skimmed through the last few chapters because i was getting bored. Then give the book back to my friend. "Did you like it?" "Um.. Sure. It was fun." Then I mentally marked her as a weirdo in my head. So would that be what normal people are like?

I perceive normal people, the same way that you do. I don't understand how two people would go on about a book, that way. I also don't understand the logic of crying over a romance novel. I also don't understand the giggling part of it, either.

It would be like me reading a biography, on some 60s band, and than racing up into the music room of my clubhouse and doing a drum solo, because, "I'm just like sooooo happy, that I can't contain myself." I wouldn't say it like that, but I know that many NTs and particularly females of that variety, speak in that manner.

Near the top of the board is a thread called "NT/AS HOTLINE". It probably discusses many things you are curious about.

Maybe this old link will enlighten you?

http://isnt.autistics.org/

They're joking of course, but it might give you some insights between the laughs.

Personally I'm not even sure whether "normal" exists, but that could be down to my lifelong habit of choosing unusual people for company and avoiding noisy, crowded parties and most of the other places where "normals" might be expected to gather.

I think the world would be a better place if more Aspies were in charge.

What I've learned about NT's that I've logged into my personal survival guide. This is a highly generalized list and intended to be slightly insulting as these things really piss me off.

1/ They can't enjoy music unless it hurts your ears.
2/ They build horrible uncomfortable spaces within which to live and work.
3/ They are happy to wear the stupidest looking clothes regardless of comfort.
4/ They don't say what they mean.
5/ Logic rarely applies.
6/ When they walk around streets / supermarkets - they have no idea of body / spacial awareness and their brains are totally inefficient.
7/ In the work space they create tasks that are stupid and illogical.
8/ They design things which make horrible loud noises like phones - self service supermarket machines - speaker address systems.
9/ They pursue war over dialogue - but teach the opposite at school.
10/ They like moving around together on mass rather than functioning alone.

Oh I have hundreds in my list. But don't want to be too grouchy.

Holee poop I th*t I was the only one who does
nto compute those who watch depressing movies
and then get depressed.

I cannot watch them, I get depressed and I said
:"I hated it, it was depressing." and they (Normals)
said why it was good and I said no, it sucked I hated it
and I will never buy it or watch it again.

I watch happy movies (mostly kid movies), I cannot
control it if I get depressed about the news and
"Live in my own fantasy world" as some Normals love to
put it to me, I function.

=UIf I try to be putted into the Normals world
I don't function and I almost get putted into
a mental instatituiosm.

Which wood be better for me?

I prefer the fantasy than a mental instittujstsisosn

couldn't agree more, this whole society is based on deception

That's society, for you.

its what you get for not having the disease called normality. Makes it more difficult to function because of it. Too bad the world doesnt work like it does in a fantasy novel, Id just become a mage and end it all XD.

Why try? Make an effort to figure someone out if you have a need to. My wife (NT) and I have been negotiating at this for ages. She can't figure ME out anymore than I can figure HER out. Still, we love each other and keep trying, because the idea of not being together is worse than the idea of confusion.

However there are too many people in society for aspies and auties to have to try and undertand them all. It takes a huge effort and isn't it worth anyone's time. Figure out those you are invested, and leave the others alone.

Too much time trying to figure out alien motivations leaves one bitter and annoyed, and is the source for a lot of the "Aspie supremacy" nonsense I see bandied about.

NT's don't make clothes that are uncomfortable. They make clothes that are uncomfortable FOR US. They don't make intolerably loud music, they make music that is too loud (for some, I rather like loud music cause it's predictably loud and drowns out random noise) FOR US.

You won't figure that out. Because it's a not a difference rooted in logic, or reason. It simply IS.

Possibly because one might imagine that a basic study of "normal human nature" would be an efficient way of learning how to rub along with people in general?

I got a lot out of some of those old Desmond Morris books, though I don't agree with everything he says and he's had a lot of criticism. His ideas really seemed to help me when I was trying to work out how to do better socially. I've never seen a clearer description of normal conversational eye contact than the one in "Manwatching." Also psychology and sociology books answered some of my questions quite well.

But I can see the limitations of any attempt to suss out "human nature." Even after all these years of trying to fathom what people are about, I still often feel that I know almost nothing about them. If the human mind was simple enough to understand, I'd be too simple to understand it.

You know what I don't get? Horror movies. When people watch them, and they aren't scary enough they complain, and I don't quite get why you would purposely want to scare yourself? (I've also noticed most of them just seem really stupid, and aren't actually scary) Then most horror movies, a lot of people, if not everybody dies. I can agree, letting a couple of characters die in a story adds depth, but everybody? And then it just ends? I find endings like that annoying. I need something more to hang on to in the end.

If you're looking for a link, a while ago I discovered the nonverbal dictionary (that's a link). It's very interesting, and definitely a helpful read.

I wish! It would be wonderful if there was some sort of NT manual, wouldn't it? But then they'd prolly expect us to write one for them.

Though I haven't read it yet nor have I gotten a copy, I read about a book that was recommended on an Asperger's website (here: http://blog.patriciarobinsonmft.com/coa ... dults.html ) that sounds pretty interesting. She writes:

Michael Yapko’s Depression Is Contagious: How the Most Common Mood Disorder Is Spreading Around the World and How to Stop It is all about how social relationships are crucial in preventing depression. Throughout the book, Yapko presents the skills he finds most important in establishing and maintaining good relationships, things like setting good personal boundaries, analyzing character before starting relationships, and how to manage conflict. The book has little self help exercises throughout, called “Learn by Doing” and “Pause and Reflect” where the reader can actually work on these skills individually. Although it’s not referred to as such, this book is really the closest thing I’ve read that could be considered a “Social Skills Book for Adults”. If you’re looking for a way to improve your relationships, get along better with others, and manage both personal and professional interactions, check out a copy of Depression Is Contagious.

It even has a chapter called "Other People are NOT just like you: Frames of Reference, Flexibility, and Acceptance."

it's not normal people it's how they intersect that I struggle with. Alone they are just was weird as anyone else, It's the way they interface and all that jive that they do and know innately how to do that I can't do or suck at that brings me down. They all appear to be less weird than they actually are on the surface and they reach these agreements somehow about how un-weird they are all willing to pretend to be (aka 'normal') alot of times without even speaking. Prostitution for example. Huge industry no one admits to patronizing. Porn is another one, I watched some show yesterday that said Oklahoma is one of the top ten porn watching states but it's illegal to sell or distribute porn there. Didn't mean to make this a prurient discussion, just sayin'. It's the collective normalcy they dream up, support and try to foist on everybody that is the really weird thing that hangs me up all the time.