Why is it so wrong for one to admit one has AS?

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I was never afraid to admit I have AS and have never been ashamed to say I have AS. AS is just a part of me as my brown hair and blue eyes. But whenever people on various messageboards that weren't gearded towards AS found out, they began to acuse me of using it as an excuse. As for what I was supposedly using it to excuse I still haven't got a clue. Eventualy they would cyber bullly me and make a mock webpage about me and my "Ass buggers" Syndrome or make a whole thread about me to bully me: http://ponylandcatfights.com/viewtopic. ... t=kalahari

But anyway, extactaly what is so wrong with admitting one has AS and not being ashamed? I just don't get some people.

apparently there is a perception among Neurotypicals that people who claim AS are only doing so not because they've been diagnosed, but because it's the "diagnosis du jour" (much like many think ADD/ADHD is) and thus lacks legitimacy. Specifically, the SELF-diagnosis du jour...which makes it seem even LESS legitimate in the eyes of the Neurotypicals.

What does this mean? Basically they do not believe that many people genuinely have the problem, and are so cynical that they believe a great number of people who CAN help it are claiming they can't. So they get snippy.

Personally I'd love to know where all these multitudes of "Self-diagnosed internet people" who simply have "odious interpersonal habits" that could in their opinion be in no way related to AS.

Read the thread, they are all absolute A-holes. Ignore them, you are worth a hell of a lot more than that.

First off, those people are major jerks and I'm sorry you had to be subjected to their garbage.

As far as telling people you have AS, they have no idea what AS is, so they don't know what you're talking about, and even if you were to try to explain it, it's a complicated issue and they would not be able to understand it unless they were willing to study up on it. So to them saying "I have AS" is just as unfamiliar and sounds the same as if you had announced "I'm a Martian." They would react to that by saying, "Well, whatever, you're weird/making it up/looking for attention etc."

People don't know what AS is, so if they are immature and unkind they react by calling you names or bullying you. (If they were kind and mature they would simply ask you about it and offer their support.)

People who have the tendency to bully are always looking for the jugular, that weak spot that they can seize on to cause pain, so by saying something about yourself that they don't understand, you're unwittingly giving them a target.

People who want to be cruel will be cruel about anyone's disability or illness. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and I have found that if I don't tell people about it they just think I can't get things done because I am flaky or lazy, and they're fine with that. But if I tell them I have CFS they become indignant. They get angry and start accusing me of playing the martyr. So it's not just AS...

Unfortunately, I have found humanity has a certain thing I like to call the "belief affect". Everyone believes something different based on their own set of life experiences. If you put that into perspective of an Asperger's Diagnosis, you now ultimately have a problem of projection of belief of what AS means based on certain people's life experiences. Some belief's include the idea that AS is a result of a person not trying to fit in, being lazy, being a shut-in, refusal to learn to be like others, mercury, vaccines, etc. And then you have some positive belief's that suggest there is a difference and the AS is just an explanation for the AS individual having a harding time doing things that are unnatural to them, that with this awareness an AS individual should find careers that don't focus around these unnatural abilities to survive, etc. Of course, there are many more of these two dueling beliefs and any reason you can come up with for either side is just another belief fish thrown in the knowledge bucket.

I suppose at the core of everything, one might realize that the only thing one can come to expect when belief's cross swords is that people will disagree; and no matter what group someone might (be a part of)/(think they are a part of), disagreement and dissent will appear as long as someone has a different belief on something. It's very frustrating when all you want to do is find your niche in life, enjoy your life, and get along with others. Perhaps, that is the downside of our more capable and complex intelligence compared to simple beings such as insects and fish, that we will believe and disagree.

I wish I had a simple answer for you instead, but I don't. Sorry. Of course, you can always ignore everything I'm saying if you "believe" I'm being naive, stupid, foolish, misanthropic, etc.

its not

People don't like to think that those people can actually be like them. I know, it is startling, however at my work, one of the old ladies just out and out told me she would not believe someone with autism could do the difficult job we do at all, let alone work there doing it for four years. She says I must have grown out of it. I did speak with her privately about only finding out for my self in my 50's, but I think she was just humoring me when she said she didn't want to talk about it any more.

I have never heard anyone tell me I was using it for an excuse, though. I get people that do know tell me to 'take it easy' and to 'not try so hard' because I was making them look bad.

Nerke

It's because people are jerks, who want everybody to be exactly the same.

That place looks exciting for the people who wants to start fights but its a no no for someone who's sensitive and once people show their sensitive side, you are automatically the bullseye target.

Tip for the future: never never I mean never tell people you have AS unless you feel the place is nice or it's a autistic community site, unfortunately people tend to just troll about it and make you feel more worse than you already are.

Trust me on this, I used to be one back after I was banned from grapevine, anyways that forum was a whole load of s**t anyways, the people were messed up there and I got banned for being autistic. Pretty lame excuse to get rid of me ain't it, oh well, that was my mod days over because of it and that was about 5 years ago. (But don't do what I did, it would make matters much worse than it already was).

To be understood, you have to be talking with someone who is understanding.

I think in certain scenarios, with trusted friends or family, it would be helpful and useful. These people could help you learn social skills by pointing out if you said something or did something that is perceived as rude. Or if we don't understand something, we could safely ask these people what it means without fear of being made fun of or having it used against us.

But many NTs will not "get" it because they cannot perceive what it is like. They see it as an excuse and not as a legitimate biological condition.

And I can think of many consequences of telling a workplace bully about Asperger's and ways it could backfire. Again, with someone safe and trusted, the information could be very useful. That person could help explain our social missteps. But in other people's hands ... well, look at Dwight on "The Office." I know it's fiction and exaggerated, but people put extraordinary effort into making him miserable because they thought it was funny. They think it's funny because to them he's arrogant, and stuck up, etc., because they don't understand him.

The cat often plays with the mouse before it kills it.

Ugh, these people remind me of kids from my middle school. They talk to you like they're trying to be nice and helpful, but then laugh quietly behind your back. Agreed with the two posters above, and would like to add something else.

If you really feel a need to disclose, then do "soft disclosure". That is, if you're having a problem, and you really have to point it out to someone else, then just tell them about the specific problem that you're having. Don't mention Asperger's. Many people don't know much about it. I've posted a thread here last summer asking people about the reactions others had when they disclosed, and their experiences have been very negative. I've also read the book "Coming Out Asperger", where Liane Holliday Willey discusses how she disclosed to everyone at some point but then realized that she was making a huge mistake.

From what I've read on the subject of disclosure, it's best to keep quiet about your condition when you're around NTs. If worse comes to worst, you can just say that you have a learning disability. This is more general and thus is not likely to be associated with any stereotypes in the NT's mind. Don't discuss your problems around NTs, as they will often perceive them as weaknesses and take advantage of you. If you need to vent, or need help with your problems, you can always do it here on WP, or with a trusted professional (psychologist or counsellor). Back when I was bullied a lot, I went to the counsellor often and found that just being able to talk about my problems with someone listening to me is very helpful to relieve the emotional burden. But most of the time, you'll have to keep yourself from talking about your problems. I vent from time to time in this forum, and talk about myself a lot here; WP is an outlet for me. It is a support forum, after all. In real life, or anytime I have to face the NTs, I try to not complain about my problems nor talk too much about myself. Because the forum you posted on is not a support forum, the people there would see you as a whiner. So even though you may ask advice about your future career as a vet, keep talking about your problems to a minimum, or don't mention them at all.

That's my advice.

It looks like a horrble website. I got a bad vibe when I saw that it said it was populated by "btches". i dont tend to get along wth b*****s. They are not nice people, I wouldnt worry what they thnk.