Do eye-contacts distract you?

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Sorry if this is a noob question. I was just wondering when you intentionally try to make eye contacts do you get distracted immediately by what you see?

I usually try to look at people's eyes, especially when talking to my children's teachers. However the moment I see their eyes I think "Ooh, pretty blue color", "the mascara's smudging", "Very dark, I wonder if she's mixed"...etc. Then my eyes start to dart around and notice their hair, earrings, necklace, glasses, cleavage...etc. and miss most stuff they're telling me. However if I don't look at them I pretty much get everything they're saying. I wonder if I should bother to look at them at all. But I'm afraid they'd think I don't care about what they're saying.

Yes it can be distracting. Because I'm busy thinking about looking at their eyes more than listening to what they say, I don't know how people do both!

I think a lot of people here experience it that way. Personally it makes me feel like it opens a channel and the other person can see into my private thoughts. I'm talking about a feeling that happens automatically, it's not something I think really happens. It makes me feel like prey that's been spotted by predator.

Yes, it is very distracting. I prefer looking at their mouths because it's much more helpful for me.

Yes.

It depends. Sometimes I just badly need an eye contact.

Last edited by Agnieszka on 18 Apr 2010, 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ditto

I find that eye contact is very distracting. I have to concentrate, when I give it, and I'm always wondering if I'm doing it right, or not.

I'm distracted by the concentration involved too. I'm too busy measuring how long to maintain contact, attempting to look interested and engaged, that I don't have enough presence of mind left to actually be interested and engaged. The irony is frustrating - don't make eye contact, and I'm able to concentrate on the conversation, but people think I'm not. Make eye contact, and I'm unable to concentrate on the conversation, but people think I'm more attentive.

Eye contact never bothers me, as I can focus on their eyes and stare at them until they beg for mercy. Literally beg for mercy. I don't really see anything other than their eyes when I look at them and no 'connection' takes place, but I guess they get the connection that I am some wild sociopath that is trying to intimidate and ultimately crush them by staring them down.

This has been a real problem in my life, as you can probably surmise. My twenties was mostly being challenged by the 'tough girls' with me being the worse for wear because my 'challenge' was non existent and only in the mind of the beholder.

Whenever I find myself looking at someone's eyes, thoughts like "Hmm, that's an interesting texture." and "So what's so special about eye-contact?" float across my mind, and I tend to lose my focus on the matter at hand. Occasionally there's the person with disturbingly large eyes, but that's another issue.

To me, eye contact evokes no emotion or other response.

I find if you just glance at them periodically, so they know you haven't tuned them out, they're generally happy with that, but I tend to stare at a spot on the ground just behind and beyond the speaker.

Maintaining eye contact feels waaaayy too personal and intimate, and with someone I don't know very well that can feel downright creepy. It's almost like kissing someone and stroking their face with your eyes and who could possibly concentrate on what's being said in the middle of that?

Yes.

Haha, that's pretty much the source of my discomfort with it too. It feels like an invasion of personal space, and I can't shake the sense that the other person could be feeling that creepiness too.

I'm still trying to figure out how best to do the "check-in", where you re-establish eye contact every so often to show that you're following along. I glance at them briefly in the normal way, but my eyes don't quite manage to meet theirs. It must look pretty weird.

At first I thought you were talking about wearing contact lenses. I was going to say I can't bear the thought of putting something directly onto my eyeball.

The only problem I have with eye contact is that I need to be able to look around in order to talk. If someone asks me to describe something that happened, for instance, I'm not able to access that information and translate it into works if I'm focusing on someone's eyes. I can look at their eyes briefly now and again, but then I have to look away. No one has ever complained to me about it, so I assume my use of eye contact is within the realm of "normal".

I've noticed that my AS son's use of eye contact is quite good when he's talking about his interests. I'm pretty sure he uses more eye contact than I do, but he's the one who is definitely AS. I've just got some AS traits.

exactly! i just wish everyone knew this. it would make everything much easier.