Feeling trapped

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How many of you find you feel trapped? I have that feeling all the time. There is so much I want to do, but I feel my autism just stand in the way.

I feel trapped by being alive. I'm tired of being pushed around, stepped on and kicked while I'm down. I know it's never going to stop until there's nothing left to kick. So I'd like to be able to turn my life off like a bad television show. Click! :::blink::: black....


But I'm still looking for the remote.

You worry me sometimes Willard. You make a lot of suicidal comments, and I wonder what could happen to make things better for you. There has to be something out there to make you happy or at least take the edge off. Ever thought about what that could be? Does bitching help you? I'm serious not being sarcastic at all.

I'm trapped between an intolerable existence and an intact self-preservation instinct in spite of it.

My life reminds me of some of the lyrics from an old Slayer song entitled, "Reign in Blood".

"Trapped in Purgatory....a lifeless object alive".

I feel trapped all the time, but that's what motivates me to move forward. To break the chains that tie me down and let myself shine. Yeah, sure I'm terrified of failure. I often worry that I won't be able to do certain things as well as others because of my Asperger's. But you know what? I'd rather try to do what I want to do than look back on my life and find myself not having done anything.

I hate to be a pessimist, but as long as you have autism, you will always be trapped.

Trapped in a world that blatantly refuses to work properly.

No, bitching does not help me. Actually, of all my comments, those are a tiny handful, but I'll keep them to myself. I hate people who cry wolf, it's pathetic. I would never want to sound like that.

What would make me happy is having a purpose, but I'm not allowed that, because my Autism annoyed someone and they happen to be a state sanctioned bully, who is now allowed to prevent me from making a living. Its not actionable discrimination because that would mean some lazy bureaucrat would have to get up off their flabby @ss and actually advocate for justice to be done and that's waaay too much like work.

What would make me happy is having some recourse to justice when someone gets in my face and spits on me for being different, calls me names, screams at me things like "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!?!" - what would make me happy is if there were some person, some agency, some group or office who would actually step in and say "Hey - you can't treat people that way - everybody has basic human dignity" But there isn't anyone like that. I've been bullied that way regularly for over 50 years now and no one has ever raised a finger to stop that kind of abuse. Some have actually steered me into it to save themselves a little trouble. Now the bullies are coming to my door to harass me in my own home. What's next? It's a rhetorical question, I know what's next: more of the same.

I don't feel trapped, at all. I feel free from the bondage of society.

Well I was not implying that you should not be forthcoming with your comments- I don't think I could stop you if I wanted to. I can see why you are dissatisfied and unhappy. I was just wondering if this was somehow a way you felt better- venting in the forums. I am sorry you have had so much trauma.

Its a trap! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dddAi8FF3F4[/youtube]

Willard

Don't let yourself get to lows like that. seriously dude, in almost every forum i have jumped to, i have found a post by you.
Some I saw were witty little remarks. But i have seen some answers, that are just straight intelligent deep thinking at work. There is no excuse for the abuse you have endured...But if its any consolation to you, your posts make me laugh, and I enjoy what you have to say! sincerely Nick