Contradictory Symptoms

Post Reply New Topic

I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers, and seem to have nearly all of the listed symptoms of Aspergers (in the tests linked to from this forum), but three things are standing out that I don't have:

monotone voice
poor non verbal cues
lack of eye contact

I notice that some people have dismissed people as having AS, based on the fact they don't have these traits, but I don't have them either. In fact this is why I've had so much difficulty getting on with people; when people first meet me, they think I'm friendly (I believe I am), so I'm good at getting jobs for example, but can't keep them because later people think I'm difficult and just odd.

I'm convinced many undiagnosed aspies are able to fool others (and themselves) because they slip through the net in a similar way.

Are there any other aspies that don't have any of the usual traits associated with Aspergers syndrome?

I was diagnosed recently by a specialist and she said I don't have every trait, but she said that that is common especially with women and girls with AS. Autism is a spectrum disorder, so different people with ASD will fit on different parts of the spectrum, ranging all the way from a few quirks to severe impairments. It's not "all or nothing." You can have some traits but not others, and still be on the spectrum. I don't have a monotone voice, for instance. I also don't stim. I do find eye contact difficult though.

Many Aspies can learn to appear more social through study of other people and imitation. I think I appear fairly pleasant on a first meeting, if a bit shy and awkward, but to me the hard part are the subtleties. I don't get it and find it hard to accept when people are manipulative, for instance. I also tend to get overwhelmed and may seem intractable or stubborn as a result. As a kid I was thought of as defiant.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I think your description fits me pretty well.

Yes, I'm a girl and those don't always apply to me, either. Then again, I'm not officially diagnosed.
I'm pretty good with the cues and stuff, but I act poorly in situations I've never been in. I ask people what an appropriate action to do is, too, if I'm unsure. That's how I got better than average, I think. And I just enjoy paying attention to human behaviour more. So I think that enables me to develop better skills.
I have a monotone voice sometimes. It depends on my mood. It's pretty monotone in my head, a lot of the time. But I try and sound more excited in real life.
Eye contact is weird for me. It really varies. Sometimes it's normal. Sometimes I can't do it. And sometimes I am transfixed by their eyes and I end up staring. Actually, I cover up abnormal lengths of staring by making a joke, and when they see me, I keep staring with my eyes wide, and then grin. Or just wriggle my brows, so they are more at ease with the staring. XD I do have to be careful not to stare too much, and watch myself. I only use those coping mechanisms when I mess up and forget, or really want to look at them. XD

My eye contact is very strange. Either, I seem to be looking away, or out the corners of my eyes.

The DSM criteria are for diagnosing AS in children. Anyone with AS who has made it into adulthood without being diagnosed has to have developed coping mechanisms and learned to unconsciously mask the most obvious of their AS tendencies, else they might have been singled out as having a neuropsychiatric disorder long before. Parents and teachers usually insist on learning minimal eye contact, whether it comes naturally and comfortably or not.

I spent decades in broadcasting and can do all sorts of entertaining things with my voice, but in private conversation, even I can sometimes hear it slipping into a kind of flat monotone. Many lovers over the years begged me to talk or read to them while they dozed off at night - at first I took it as a compliment, then I realized what they were saying was that listening to me talk put them to sleep...heeeyyyy....

Long story short: We're often not appearing as 'normal' as we think we are...

I LIKE MONOTONAL VOICES!! ! They're so much more restful than highly expressive ones. And no, they don't put me to sleep.

Anyways, back on topic: Yes, you can have AS without those symptoms. Some ASers I notice actually make excessive eye contact. Just stare laser-eyed at you instead of doing that thing of looking away every few seconds.