Group Therapy Experiences...

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I'm sure this has been asked several times, but I am new and didn't want to sift... (forgive me)

So, I was wondering if others have been in group therapy and how the experience has been. I am typically socially awkward (aren't we all), but I thought I did well with group therapy for depression, anxiety, LD, ADHD etc. But lately I seem to not be as 'good' with it as I thought.

I am in an Eating Disorder group right now and when I talk I usually spend my time observing facts and thinking out complex things causing anxiety. The problem is that I tend to perseverate a bit and I think I am expressing how I feel about it, but I get comments that I am not talking about emotions, feelings and eating. I can't see how they don't see that I am processing emotions if I am on the verge of tears, tearing, and physiologically agitated. I can't see how they don't understand that it is all (my latest anxiety cause, LD, ADHD, GAD, ASD, and so on) connected to my eating disorder, too. Of course it is.

So then, when someone got angry that I kept talking about this one thing (a major current stressor) and said she felt it was overkill and she can't help with it- I switch to something that is explicitly about eating or body checking or something. All of the sudden, they "identify" with me. And I feel nothing about it. Of course they identify. Duh. They have an eating disorder, I assume they do.

But then here's the other part. I try to say things to acknowledge other people's feelings, say I appreciate something, or that I identify and they don't seem to respond in a way I can notice. I don't really feel much. I mean, I identify, but that's a fact. I am only voicing it because that's what I think they want me to do to help them. And I just end up confused and feeling like I can't really deeply connect with them.

I feel like they want me to be the cerebral reality check to them, but they want me to emote so they can feel like they are doing something for me, too. Maybe they do, but it feels like they just want to be able to help and if they can't its MY fault.

So, has anyone else been in group therapy with NT, bonus points for eating disorders, and feels like you are just on another wavelength with the others. Like they forge close connections and you just don't?

What did you do? Because it is exhausting to cry every week and I am thinking the exhaustion is not just because I have repressed trauma. Like they want me to do something that I am not inclined to do. So now I am not only trying to process, but I am also trying to figure out what the appropriate response to something it. It's like trying to make friends. Half the time, just I don't know what they want from me.

I belong to a support group for those who have A.S./H.F.A. I started going simply because a friend of mine who started the group wanted me there. I consider it more of a social group than a "therapy" group, and if it becomes too "therapeutic," I will likely stop going. What I need is not therapy but rather acceptance in the NT world.

I host a game group with other HFA/Aspies and I think its success is due to the fact that there are no 'supervisors' or 'therapists' with an agenda-- we're just trying to have fun.

I didn't really get much of a sense of what's going on for you. You seem to complain that you feel too emotional and you cry a lot, and that the group feels you aren't connecting with your feelings? Strange.

Like your group, I can't seem to get any handle upon which to grasp your problem and provide a solution, or assistance. Identifying goals and methods to attain them can help.

Of course there's going to be disconnection between you and they, that's just having ASD. Have you spoken about your disconnected feeling in the group? Could help. If you don't know what's expected of you, ask. Likewise tell the others about your needs, make them clear.

Doing things you don't want to do is part of therapy. If we could bring ourselves to always do what we had to do, then there'd be no need for it.

If the group is not helping, a self directed program could help. Don't simply wait for the group to help you, if you are not entirely helpless. I tend to do a lot of my 'work' in my own time.

If this has not helped in the slightest, I am sorry. I hope you find your way. May you be happy.

It is strange to me. If I wasn't clear, when I think I am expressing emotions or feelings, others in the group don't seem to think so or want more. I'm not a stranger to groups or therapy in general and I know it sucks and hurts sometimes, that's usually the only way I improve in my life. (and one of my goals is to express my actual emotions/feelings and not just a cerebral explanation for why I feel bad)

I guess that I know kind of what is expected of me from the group, but not how to accomplish it. Twice it has come up that there is a disconnect from what I perceive about whether I am expressing emotion and what they perceive. (I should mention that part of having an eating disorder is not connecting your thoughts and emotions, like they are two different metaphorical minds, so that, coupled with ASD makes my work cut out for me.)

Thank you for your advice, though. I will try asking them again what is expected and explain how I feel disconnected.

That's the kind of therapy that I like. I think that if I was going to go for any spectrum related therapy, I'd choose group therapy. I'm open to that.

I have 2 group experiences, one bad, one good. The bad experience was led by people who had no understanding of aspies, the good experience was led by a woman who understood and was educated about aspies. Maybe look for a more understanding group.

I've been in group therapy sessions for various reasons including an eating disorder and I really only ever spoke up if we were doing a "go around the circle and check in" type thing. I always, always felt as if I was monologuing and I could never come up with anything to say to reflect on another person's sharing. It was useful to get my own stuff out, but I always felt selfish and useless to the others because I couldn't relate beyond the superficial "I have an eating disorder, you have an eating disorder". I felt things, felt bad for them or proud for them but I was and am never able to express that.

Just remember that you're there to help you. Do what helps you, and if it's not what they're expecting, that's not your fault. It's like the flight attendant instructions - put on your oxygen mask before you assist someone else. (I mean that figuratively.) Do what makes you feel better and don't worry what the others are getting out of it.

Dots, that's very similar to how I feel. I know I monologue and it just feels weird and awkward when I say I relate to someone out loud. Have you met many others on the spectrum with an eating disorder? I have a hard time believing it is uncommon. Thank you for your advice to remember why I am there. Hopefully it will work out.

nellie- I'm not sure if there is another Eating Disorder group available, but I will try speaking with the leaders and the members about it.

There may be a connection between Asperger's Syndrome and Anorexia. There have been a few threads around here about it. There's an article here:

http://autismaspergerssyndrome.suite101 ... d_anorexia

It says that more than 1 in 5 anorexics meet the criteria for an autism spectrum disorder, and apparently it was corroborated by Tony Attwood. When I was in treatment there were eight girls there so there might have been another person who could have been on the spectrum, but I didn't really notice AS traits in any of them. A lot of the eating disordered people I know have problems socially, though.

Being around people I do not know would drive me nuts especially if they made me sit close to someone. AAARRRGGGGGGG!

That's nothing. I was in a group where they made everybody hug and if you didn't want to hug, everyone wanted to talk about your "problem" with hugging.

If someone tried to force a hug on me the only talking they would be doing is giving my description to the police because what I did to the freak who grabbed me. I shiver profusely at the thought of being touched by a stranger.

I did some group relaxation therapy (progressive muscular relaxation) that was very helpful. I found art therapy very useful. I did some CBT-type anxiety management and some other group sessions that were more social and much more (for me) anxiety provoking.

I knew there was some reason I've never gone for group therapy. I love cuddling the right people, but having it forced on me would take all the fun and freedom of choice out of it. I don't need the permission of an authority to touch people, I need the permission of the people I touch, and they need mine. (spot the difficulty with authority ) I'm very one-on-one when it comes to therapy, anything else would probably seem like an overcomplicated mess.