Explaining Asperger's To People

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I don't talk about Asperger's very much except with trusted, personal friends. Usually I say that I have a learning disability, or that I have ADHD.

I especially have a difficult time telling older people (usually middle-aged and older) and people in different countries about Asperger's. I usually say that I have a learning problem.

What I really hate to hear from people I know when I say, "I'm learning disabled," or "I have a learning disability" is "I can't believe you're learning disabled!! ! You are SO SMART!! !" I always want to say, "what do you think I am, stupid?!" One guy I know told me he had never heard of it before and said, "I'm really sorry. Is it serious?" I explained what Asperger's was, and that it was condescending to apologize for the difficulties of a disabled person. We didn't speak of Asperger's again after that.

I know some people here might not agree that Asperger's is a disability, but when I use that term, I mean that we have vastly different abilities and problems that are different from the abilities and problems of neurotypicals.

So how do you explain that you have Asperger's to other people and what are their reactions?

Last edited by hilarythebaker on 17 Aug 2004, 10:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm going to have to explain to a roommate in a few weeks that I most likely have aspergers syndrome, and I would like to hear from college people, past and present how they went about doing it.

Hello

A frequent response from those I deal with, when talking about Asperger's

"But you look so normal!" As well intentioned as I'm sure these people usually are, I don't think it has ever occurred to them that I have no drive to be "normal".

Luke Jackson [the author of Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome] read a column on BBC radio last year - it can be sourced from the following address:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hometruths/ ... gers.shtml

It may be useful in aiding your roommate's understanding, without obliging you to talk a great deal.

Thanks for sharing that, Greg. I despise RealOne Player but this worth a listen!

I have a very easy time doing this now, through much practice.

You know what? Usually my friends don't want me to explain -- they just keep on being my friend and that's good enough for me. They know I've always been this way, my personality, and I don't need to be apologetic about it.

Yes, proudly eccentric I am.

However, when in doubt:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger%27s

Relate the points personally to a friend in a succinct way. For example, for me, that means bringing up to a buddy something like this: "Hey, you know how I've always had this obsession with certain things... like girls in neon dresses?" And they'll be like "Oh yeah!" and wonder where this is leading . . . if anything, make it captivating and grab their attention. Don't bore them with a dry clinical lecture, as there are enough of those going around. Throw in colorful anecdotes of shared memories you experienced together where something unique about you really stood out.

Above all, make it fun.

I don't think I've ever told any NTs my age that I have Asperger's. They just think I'm weird.

Mich

If you're a win32 user, then grab a copy of the K-Lite software Mega Codec Pack from http://www.k-litecodecpack.com, or just use the Real Player alternative (I strongly suggest you go for the former).

Thanks -- I'll have to look into that

It would be much better to use Helix, the open source version of realplayer which was created by the Real media company.

Heh, thanks Alex. Does it include codecs for Media Player Classic & Necko API plugins?

What do I say about Asperger's?? I just tell people I have Asperger
Syndrome and that it is an higher IQ form of autism and that is good
enough. No questions or anything because I explain what it is in
great detail. I haven't been diagnosed with Asperger's for that
long (1 1/2 years), but I always thought I had it and my school
psychologist in high school thought I had it, but the psychiatrist
I saw cleared up any doubts for me. I always thought I had it because I
had every sign of AS, except for the fact that I'm very talkative and
I'm also very empathetic. But we have seen that on this board that
there are quite a few talkative Aspies. So just because you're talkative
doesn't mean that you don't have it.

I think I will tell my new roommates when I go to 4 year university
for a master degree (prob in Louisiana) this spring 2005 upcoming year.
It's better to tell them then have sort of surprise. And people will
find out that you are different....so if they know that already, there
won't be any surprises in mid quarter/semester in the school year.

Well take care

Warm regards
Preston

I don't tell anyone. I have a high functioning/high IQ form of Aspergers. If people think I'm too weird to bother with, then so be it. I have few friends in real life; lots of acquaintences; practically no social life outside of attending meetings somehow related to my kids (scouts, sports, etc.). My "social life" is almost entirely contained within message boards. I'm happy with that. And those people don't see me stim, listen to my narrowly focused conversations, or witness my obsessions, so why tell them??

I tend to tell people about my condition after I get to know them. I feel that they should know why I am the way that I am. Why I sound different, and why I'm not very femminine. However, I wouldn't tell anybody in the Professional World. That is where my differences are my own buisness. Or else I'll tell my friends that I was a Londoner in a Past Life that I can't get over, no matter how hard I try.

I told my sister two days ago that I think I may have AS, and explained to her what it is. She was the first person I told that, and I asked her to keep it a secret. My sister said that she wasn't very surprised, and that a thought has once crossed her mind that I could have some mild form of autism. She also told me that our mother was worrying that I was "different". I was rather glad to hear that, because it made my hypothesis more plausible.

I still don't know what to do in case of other people. I have a friend (acquiantance) that invited me for a sailing trip. I visited him a couple of times in the past, but now I am going to spend 5 days with him, in rather rough conditions. I am afraid that I will unintentionally offend him, and that I will lose him. This has happened many times with other people. I am wondering if I should tell him something and what exactly.

Here's my question on this topic-- I've heard that there are forms you fill out when you go into residence at University so you can get paired up with a compatible roomie. Should you put down AS and a brief explanation on that form? I'm not off to Uni yet, but this thread seems like the perfect place to ask this question. I don't want to be seen as an unfit roomie for anyone, but I also don't want to end up with a roomie who panics the second a word like syndrome or autism is spoken. I don't know if I'm explaining my fear very well.... Anyone have an answer?

Maybe I should not answer this question- since I am a mother and not on the spectrum myself-
but, in my opinion, unless you have extreme behaviors that you may exhibit in their presence; then I don't think I would say anything.....

I mean it would be hard to explain to the college officials what your differences would be and how best to accommodate you...
ex.. say your sensory prefernces....
it would be hard for them to find a match that would suit you...

I think that it would be best maybe to explain what your preferences are to your roommate.....
and explain what would be your actions if you would be stressed..
give them the heads up and hope that you have a understanding roommate...

I am sure that if you were having difficulties and were trying to make your living situation work, that the college officials would try to better accommodate you.( immediately or in the future)
Also, unless you need assistance for classes ( to help) I do not think that the college needs to know.
But, on the other hand they will also have all your transcripts from high school so they might already know your diagnosis.
Michele

Michelle, thank you. I appreciate the NT perspective on this issue, since this is definitely the perspective I'll be dealing with when I go to Uni. You have a total right to give us your perspective, since you are the other half and we can't see how you people think! That's our whole problem!

Again, thanks!