Being shut out in group interactions

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,

I am an adult who has never been officially disagnosed with Autism or Asperger's Syndrome but the symptoms fit and people in my family say it sounds like me. I can interact with people much more easily on a one on one basis than I can in group settings. I notice whenever I interact in group settings I inevitably get shut out of the conversation. I make a conscious effort to stay on topic and say things that are relevant to the current conversation. I am at my wits end because I have tried so hard to improve and I just don't know to get better at this. Practice just doesn't seem to be helping. I have tried reading books on social skills and there are a few helpful suggestions but it doesn't help me in group situations. When there are four or more people in a group it gets really confusing and it's hard to keep track of conversations.

I am an adult who didn't get the benefit of early intervention like a lot of younger people on this board did. Has anyone here found ways to make interacting with people in groups go more smoothly? Another issue I have is I don't know how to join a group of people in a conversation or sit with someone at a work function. Luckily there are very few that I attend, but the ones I do are so awkward that I'm relieved when they're over. Sometimes it seems like it's a no-win situation; I'm either considered rude for interrrupting and joining or stand-offish if I don't join in.

I can handle a group of people if I have met them before. So at work and my D&D group I do not have very many problems. But I did quit one of my D&D groups because the groups where mixed up and new people who I never interacted with were joining the group. This made me uncofortable enough for me to not go back. The D&D group is set up so that we have campaign groups that meet everyother week. On the off week we have random games where the players are put into mixed groups. It was getting to the point that I only knew about half the people in the group making me more and more nervous. I could not consentrate on the game for longer than a hour or so.

I think if I went back and met the new people on a one to one basis I would not be bothered as much about the mixed group games since I would know pretty much everyone. But new people show up every month, I do not have the time or energy to meet all the new people so I do not see this happening.

If other people are shutting you out of conversations, the problem may not be you at all.

Also, I understand that growing up with no help can be awful. But the kind of "help" given to people who are diagnosed young these days is often useless at best and worse than useless at worst.

From what I understand, this is a common problem with those on the spectrum. I don't know that others shut me out, as much as I feel shut out due to not being able to keep up. My mind gets too overstimulated with everything going on around me, and I can't process the conversation quickly enough to juggle the topic changes that NTs seem to switch to. I get on a topic, I take a moment to think about it, and respond, but others seem to skim, and move on at lightening speed, leaving me with an unsaid reply, and the inability to get off of that train of thought, and move onto the new topic they brought up.

I have no idea as to how to get into an already formed group of people chatting. When I used to go to mommy type of playgroups with my kids when they were tiny I called these groups Circle Of Women or COW for short. I had no idea how to get into the COW, or what to say when I did. I just tried my best to find a person standing alone to talk to, or busy myself doing something, so that I didn't look too awkward. Nowadays, I try to either avoid going to places where this is expected, or if I have to, plan out a task, or something to do to occupy myself, and always, always have an excuse ready, so that I can leave if things get too uncomfortable.

Sorry that I didn't have any better tips.