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Peko
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04 May 2010, 9:42 pm

This past weekend I was in my college's medieval renaissance faire. Though it was AWESOME at the end many people bailed out or on cleanup (or did NOTHING) & those who were left had to clean up for over 4 hrs. (6-1030pm at night). Anyway, at the end a friend of mine & I were walking back from the shed we were putting stuff in, I said something about wanting to kick the people who ditched and blah blah blah... one of the people whose been involved in faire told this guy to hug me.
I've known this guy for over 6 months and this was the first time we ever hugged. Only issue is I couldn't tell if he likes me a lot more than I thought he does or he was just exhausted like I was? He'd taken his shirt off earlier due to the heat but I swear when we were hugging I felt a hand on my one hip/upper thigh...
He did ask permission before he hugged me & did ask me in the middle if I was okay b/c he knows I've got issues with touching. He also said something about me being warm in the middle of it. I've got a feeling though that this hug was unusually long (for a hug but I'm just guessing)? As I can't read body language its kinda bothering me. :?
This friend later explained that my wanting to hurt them is a normal human reaction & hugs are soothing to most people...(thank you awesome psych major :D). I'm certain the combination of guard shifts (me up from 3-6am & him 9p-12a Fri. & Sat. nights) on top of the clean up = EXHAUSTION.

p.s. I know this guy will never try to have a relationship with me b/c he knows I'm not interested in anyone & did mention really liking a certain other girl recently. If know one can answer this can someone please suggest a person/type of person I can ask & actually get an answer?


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Lene
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05 May 2010, 2:03 am

He might like you, but I wouldn't ask. You;ve already made it clear that you don't want to be in any relationship, so there's no need to spell it out further and risk alienating him as a friend.

It also sounds like it's just a friendly hug :)



Peko
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05 May 2010, 6:36 am

Lene wrote:
He might like you, but I wouldn't ask. You;ve already made it clear that you don't want to be in any relationship, so there's no need to spell it out further and risk alienating him as a friend.

It also sounds like it's just a friendly hug :)


It just gets annoying after awhile not having the way my body & emotions react match up on top of not being able to read body language. But hey, that's my life! :D


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fiddlerpianist
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05 May 2010, 6:56 am

Peko wrote:
He'd taken his shirt off earlier due to the heat but I swear when we were hugging I felt a hand on my one hip/upper thigh... He also said something about me being warm in the middle of it. I've got a feeling though that this hug was unusually long

That's not just a friendly hug, IMO. The hand-on-thigh is a very clear message... unless, perhaps, he's on the spectrum. Also, I'm not sure but I think that commenting on body heat like that (in the middle of a hug) is not all that typical. (When I hug my wife, I often put my nose to her head and sniff and then say something like, "You smell nice!" Also not typical.)

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p.s. I know this guy will never try to have a relationship with me b/c he knows I'm not interested in anyone & did mention really liking a certain other girl recently.

Knowing that you're not interested in anyone doesn't mean that he wouldn't try to have a relationship (or, more probably, a fling) with you. He could be mentioning other girls around you to try and make you jealous. Silly, I know, and definitely a game if that's what he's doing.

Keep your eyes on the situation and see if he keeps trying to seek you out for conversation or physical contact.


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Peko
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05 May 2010, 7:10 am

fiddlerpianist wrote:
Peko wrote:
He'd taken his shirt off earlier due to the heat but I swear when we were hugging I felt a hand on my one hip/upper thigh... He also said something about me being warm in the middle of it. I've got a feeling though that this hug was unusually long

That's not just a friendly hug, IMO. The hand-on-thigh is a very clear message... unless, perhaps, he's on the spectrum. Also, I'm not sure but I think that commenting on body heat like that (in the middle of a hug) is not all that typical. (When I hug my wife, I often put my nose to her head and sniff and then say something like, "You smell nice!" Also not typical.)

Quote:
p.s. I know this guy will never try to have a relationship with me b/c he knows I'm not interested in anyone & did mention really liking a certain other girl recently.

Knowing that you're not interested in anyone doesn't mean that he wouldn't try to have a relationship (or, more probably, a fling) with you. He could be mentioning other girls around you to try and make you jealous. Silly, I know, and definitely a game if that's what he's doing.

Keep your eyes on the situation and see if he keeps trying to seek you out for conversation or physical contact.


He is definitely NT, but an eccentric/nerdy NT :D. The part where he'd taken his shirt off was b/c of cleaning up the ren faire (I can't blame him, we were exhausted in the heat/I was ready to pass out from exhaustion Mon.) so that was unplanned (& possibly why he was hesitant to hug me at first). The warm thing threw me off b/c he generally complains a lot about his face being too warm (from what I can tell he doesn't like heat). He mentions girls a lot w/ me & other female friends b/c we don't make fun of him for being overly sweet & he's got a bad situation personally so he goes between like 10+ homes (of friends & extended family b/c both his parents are dead :( ). I'm sure he's desperate for affection wherever he can get it... but for now I won't worry about him trying to have a fling with me b/c I'm pretty sure he wants a semi or very serious relationship (NOT a fling). I get this feeling he wants to have something like a family again & that's why he's overly devoted to his friends, but I can't be sure.


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IamTheWalrus
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05 May 2010, 7:57 am

I wonder if its possible for anyone to read hugs, regardless the typicalness or a/untypicalness of their brain...

"its in their kiss" according to Cher....



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05 May 2010, 9:46 am

Peko wrote:
p.s. I know this guy will never try to have a relationship with me b/c he knows I'm not interested in anyone & did mention really liking a certain other girl recently. If know one can answer this can someone please suggest a person/type of person I can ask & actually get an answer?


Call me stupid or sentimental, but it sounds like you like this guy, and if so you should look for opportunities to be with him so that the situation clarifies itself. Personal relationships can be the sweetest and the most bitter of experiences. Best wishes.



fiddlerpianist
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05 May 2010, 10:05 am

IamTheWalrus wrote:
"its in their kiss" according to Cher....

Don't you mean, "according to Aretha Franklin"? I think Cher only remade the song.


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Peko
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05 May 2010, 3:42 pm

StuartN wrote:
Call me stupid or sentimental, but it sounds like you like this guy, and if so you should look for opportunities to be with him so that the situation clarifies itself. Personal relationships can be the sweetest and the most bitter of experiences. Best wishes.


Your not stupid. And yes I do like this guy (but am admittedly sexually confused due to sensory problems). If I could have my way I'd have a very deep platonic relationship with him but b/c he's obviously sexual... I'm leaving it at just a good friendship :).


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IamTheWalrus
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05 May 2010, 3:45 pm

fiddlerpianist wrote:
IamTheWalrus wrote:
"its in their kiss" according to Cher....

Don't you mean, "according to Aretha Franklin"? I think Cher only remade the song.


I blocked out Aretha Franklin singing anything but gospel :oops:

I am a bad walrus for referring to remakes :P



Peko
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05 May 2010, 3:51 pm

IamTheWalrus wrote:


I am a bad walrus for referring to remakes :P


Bad Walrus = Funny = Good Walrus :)


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happymusic
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05 May 2010, 4:04 pm

That hug sounds very flirty. I googled how to read body language and found a few things.

There's some interesting stuff here, but I don't agree with everything because though I do some of those things like tilting my head sometimes or touching someone's feet with mine (playing around, not footsie) my intentions aren't listed here.
http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Body-Language

I disagree with the interpretation of eyes here, but some of it's ok:
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Read-Body-Language---Top-10-Tips&id=991635

This article's interesting, especially the stuff about subconscious preening and touching in safe places.
http://www.essortment.com/lifestyle/readbodylangua_sjcw.htm

I didn't see anything specifically about hugging.



Peko
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05 May 2010, 4:29 pm

Well, if that stuff is accurate in general I think this guy thinks of me as a friend. Its just where his one hand ended up that really threw me off...


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Peko
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06 May 2010, 6:03 am

He just got into a relationship with a girl now, so he's not interested in me beyond friendship.


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CockneyRebel
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06 May 2010, 7:21 am

I find that guys don't really want to hug. They just want to feel my body. It's enough to make me Gay.


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Peko
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06 May 2010, 7:49 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I find that guys don't really want to hug. They just want to feel my body. It's enough to make me Gay.


Haha :D


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