meaningless social niceties

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I think I have AS. But I'm not sure. And mornings like today make me wonder. This is what happened. I walked to the store to pick something up. When I got back to my apartment my neighbour was on the front step with his dog. The dog started jumping on me. I like animals and he wasn't hurting me or pushing me over so I didn't mind that. My attention was focused on the dog, so I didn't have to look at the neighbour but I said "Whoa, he's getting big!" (Because he is... the dog, that is) and the neighbour agreed and said "How are you?" I replied I was fine and asked him the same question. I'm pretty sure neither of us really cared how the other was, it just felt like an expected exchange.

In one on one situations I can exchange social niceties like that, for a short period of time. It isn't until I get into groups of multiple people or extended periods of time that I freeze up.

Would an AS person have just slunk past him without speaking? I mean, the dog jumped on me, I couldn't just slip by. But I was the one who started the conversation. Do other people with AS find initiating small exchanges like this possible - maybe it's something I've taught myself and adapted to?

I've always wondered about that myself. I don't think people passing me in the hall really care how I am, yet they always ask. I never know if you're supposed to be honest with them, either. Like, if I'm having a very bad day, are they wanting me to tell them all about it? So, usually I just settle for 'good'.

I like meaningless conversations with strangers. It's easy to learn the patter and if you pull it off well, both of you walk away in a better mood than before.

I usually enjoy chit chat with others, I just never know when the conversation has ended

For what it is worth, I am at best awkward with the formulaic exchanges. But random elicited remarks like your dog I can do. And will do. And sometimes get a LOOK because I am just saying something without passing Go and saying please and touching first base.

This is how it is for me, too.

I'm 29 and it's taken most of my life to learn how to survive small talk. Until recently, I would just nod and try to animate myself the best that I could. Also, I would respond in two ways when expected to speak: state the obvious or volley one question after another (to keep the convo going and act like I'm interested). Because of this kind of experience over and over again, I try to avoid small talk now. I even think that I have become allergic to it.
So now when I am confronted by strangers (since I have come to understand my condition), I whip open my encyclopedia of general remarks and statements, select the best possible one that I think won't cause alarm, and then walk away, hoping that I didn't offend. In the past, I would stand there until the other person was socially exhausted and would quit talking. When it comes to talking details about an interest or even giving advice, then I could open up. Best of luck to you.

I like a little chit chat, every now, and again. I get to find out interesting things, about friends and strangers.

It depends on if there is anything interesting to say at the moment.

Usually right after the initial greetings in a casual conversation, I begin to get a sort of mental vertigo while I'm trying to recall all the commonly used chat words that so frequently get themselves stuck on the tip of my tongue.

I don't remember a specific situation where I last did something like this, as I'm usually completely in my own thoughts when I'm walking down a street. I have to be in the externalizing mode in order to be able to do something like this. However, since we have met in person already, I think you do come across as someone who has AS. Remember the conversation we had about Asperger's manifesting itself a little differently in girls than in boys? I've met a couple of guys on the spectrum who would have probably not initiated, but again, I've also met some who would. I know one man with AS with whom I've spent almost an entire day. I saw him greet a friend and make small talk with him. That does not instantly undiagnose him, because small talk can be learned. I think women with Asperger's are more likely to be relatively adept at small talk just due to the way that women are socially conditioned as opposed to men, and also due to the way that AS naturally manifests itself differently in women.

What really matters is the symptoms that you have vs. the symptoms that you don't have. If you still doubt it, make a list of what symptoms you think you have and what symptoms you think you don't have. Then, you can maybe have someone close to you, like your friend who's on the spectrum, check over the list and see if you both agree. You may choose to share it with more people who have observed you for a long time. This should help you get a clearer picture.

No. I'm sure I'd do exactly what you did. I suppose I have enough "NT" instinct in me that I'd feel weird not saying anything in an encounter like that.

My problem is that most of my encounters with people outside family don't go beyond that. Every day I encounter the same colleagues in my building but I can't think of anything to say other than some meaningless niceties and likewise they never have anything more significant to converse with me about.

How was your weekend? Good! I blah blah blah.. Good! How was yours? blah blah blah...

I exchange a lot of social niceties with people, though at my age it's probably only to be expected - coping strategies for AS seem to improve beautifully with time if you're lucky enough to avoid being totally ground down by setbacks.

I used to find small talk a lot harder, because to me it all seemed so empty and shallow. But I began to realise that it's rather like money - it's the fact that people believe in it that makes it real and useful, it has no intrinsic value at all, which is why it varies from culture to culture.

So metaphorically, what you're doing when you say "nice weather today, don't you thnk?" isn't so much about the weather, what you're "really" saying is something like "I see you as somebody I might be able to relate to" or "I'm happy to treat you as normal and acceptable" - i.e. reassurance. Just like with computer programming, you need to learn the value of using the correct syntax, and even though it may look stupid, it works.

It's been likened to the grooming that other primates do when they sit together and pick fleas out of each other's fur - "grooming talk." The direct practical use is questionable but it helps the animals to bond together, in some mysterious way.

Once I'd realised that social niceties weren't as daft as they looked, I began to respect them and I found it a lot easier to take them on board as a part of my social repertoire. I still get impatient with it all, and regularly think "why can't we cut the crap and just say what we mean?" but the point is that it's not crap, it just looks that way to the uninitiated.

I often play along with this without much thinking. Which I think they are, as well.
Basic rules of politeness are pretty easy to put on auto-pilot with enough practice.

edit: with that said, my mom was obsessed with me appearing normal so i kind of had to figure things out.

As for "what would an aspie do", I think it varies with everyone. Since I love animals I would probably become way to interested in the person's dog I can have a little conversation like you did. In a situation like that I can usually find words okay, but my facial expressions don't match the situation. I'm monotone and look totally apathetic.

In some situations (like when I go to the stable to feed my horse) I take too much time wondering if I should say hello to someone or what I should say that they'll leave before I even say anything to them. I think I come off rude this way a lot.

Wear headphones, and don't make eye contact with anyone. That avoids conversation.