Really hate being this way

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I hate being so awkard and unable to communicate with people. I started a new job recently and the interview went pretty well and all, but the more time I spend at work the more people are noticing there is something..off about me I guess. I turn down lunch dates with workers because I hate being around people and don't see the point in spending my lunch eating with people I barely know. I am not outgoing or talkative either, I keep to myself and get my work done. I am so afraid they think I am being rude but I honestly don't mean to be rude.

There was a person I work with who used to tease me about being so quiet and would say he is going to get me to come out of my shell and he'd always joke around with me and while I appreciated his kind efforts very much bc no one else ever notices me, I was really confused about why sometimes he would be laughing and then tease me for not liking his jokes..I Just didn't get them and didn't know how to act.

At my work, they hired another girl recently and she is beautiful and outgoing and talkative and totally normal. She is getting benefits and opportunities and special treatment I feel because she is so pretty and also able to connect with people. This makes me feel really bad about myself. I wish I could just be normal!

I hate almost having panic attacks in staff meetings or when I'm around a large group of people. I hate freezing up when people talk to me. I hate not being able to make eye contact bc it makes me so nervous I start shaking. I HATE BEING SUCH A WEIRDO.

And one of my bosses was talking to me last week and I just randomly walked away because I had left something in another room.. I didn't even think about this being rude until after I did it and came back and she was looking at me like "wtf? I was talking to you". Sometimes my bosses seem to look at me with pity..I think they can sense something is off and different about me. I am mid 20's but look and act and feel so much younger so no one ever takes me seriously and they speak to me in a tone you'd use with a child.

I feel so useless and hopeless all of the time. I can't do anything. I am not good at anything. I really don't see the point in anything anymore. I really hate being such a freak. Anyone else feel this way?

Don't talk about yourself that way :<

To me it sounds like your getting the good end of the stick. I started working at 13 because a resturant needed dishwashers for the summer and all the juniors and sinors were taken. So they thought i was normal for my age (this was before I was diagnosed) and so they made me do bus boy so i would be picking up plates (loud sound) while I had chatty tables asking me to go fill there drinks or page there waitress for the bill. and I had to do so many things to cope with it then they said that I wouldn't get paid till I could work normal hours.

Now i still work for them but i work in the dish room still noisy but better than busboy. (Im now diagnosed) but they could care less. and school well just to say everyone was a bully and I have no wish to "try" and tell you how that was.

But I don't know what wrong with "normal people" but they are total @$$es, and sometimes there lack of logic drives me nuts.
Why cant they be more human and use there "sense of compation" on more people then themselves.

(((hugs)))

Please understand that you're very important and I believe that everyone has a role to play in this world! As a newly diagnosed 33 year old mother of two, I struggle with working too. Everytime my boss would call me into his/her office (regardless of what job I'm in) I'd almost have an anxiety attack right then and there. It was bad. They would invite me out to lunch and I'd turn them down...or worse, I'd go and things would be awkward as hell. Now I understand why I'm the way I am. And what I first saw as a defect, I now have a different perspective. Truth is, I see myself as just having different strengths and weaknesses than the world does, and in my book, that's okay. I like being different now.

So please don't beat yourself up over things you cannot control. (((hugs))) Maybe you have trouble fitting in at work, but that doesn't make you useless. Not good at anything? I think not! I read your post, and you have very good grammar and spelling. And I'm sure there are other things that you're good at as well.

Have you looked into freelance writing as a possible job avenue for yourself? It's great solitary work; no bosses to talk to face-to-face, and no awkward lunch dates to partake in. Good stuff!

Yeah, I hate being this way, too. It's tough and it's often painful. But I know I'm a decent person and so are you. That's more than I can say for a lot of the glib smooth-talking life o' the party pretty people I've known. When things come too easy, people become shallow and lazy. I do get tired of taking a psychological beating every day trying to slog my way through the NT obstacle course, but in the end, I think I'm better, smarter, deeper more insightful than any of them because of the trials I've had to survive. In spite of all the crap, I wouldn't trade what I am for one minute to be one of those mindless gossiping drones. I don't know if it's an even trade off, but I'll keep the devil I know rather than risk getting stuck with what's behind door number two.

This has been my situation for the last year or so, too. What made it especially bad for me was that everyone at work was so friendly, so I had no one to blame for my difficulties but myself. It's improved for me gradually, though; I've earned respect through the quality of my work (without which I'm sure I would've lost the job by now), and in addition to my baby steps toward interacting more, people just seem to have gotten used to me. It's hard and I still feel like the most socially awkward person in the building by far, but I like my job far too much to risk losing it over social anxiety.

Depending on how important being a "team player" is in your job, you may need to work hard at this to keep it. Although eating lunch with colleagues you don't know is pointless to you, it will earn you points in terms of seeming like you belong. Although I struggle to follow this advice myself, I think being overly withdrawn and quiet is more harmful in some cases than attempting to socialise, even if you do make blunders. At least then people can see that you're harmless and needn't jump to silly conclusions about you being rude or aloof.

We are all like that. Don't talk about yourself like that. You aren't a weirdo. Don't think you are just because others don't approve.

You are in good company at least. I work in an office. My work days can be sooo weird for so many reasons...

I can relate to your post OP. I agree with the nice words of encouragement being offered here so I'm going to suggest a different approach. I'm not sure what kind of job your working in but would it be possible to transfer to a different position/department? Perhaps you could do something where your around people less or only around a couple instead of a group. I've had some problems in the workplace before & I was lucky because my supervisor realized I was trying & was capable of learning to do the job so I worked one on one with him for a while instead of my coworkers. I was kind of eased into it & after I felt more comfortable; I did really well. I ended up quitting that job after two years & am unemployed now but that's another story. Smaller steps into the social aspect of a workplace can be a big help. If there's any coworkers you feel somewhat comfortable with; maybe you could try talking to em one on one about the social issues. I still feel like a freak socially but I learned to kind of block it out when I have to but it was a gradual thing, As for as I know, there is NO magic cure or advice for these things. I truly wish there was but what we do have is experience, support & suggestions that mite could help

My dear I am by far not the most socially coordinated person in the world. I tango small talk like a drunkard dances ballet.

However, of the few important lessons I have learned in life, one of them is, if someone reaches out to you, don't push them away.

They invited to you eat with them because they are apparently nice and would like to get to know you, and give you the chance to get to know them.

You do not have to be "normal" in life, but life is a lot easier when you adhere to some basic NT socialization rules.

1. Greet people when appropriate. And do so with a smile.
2. Say goodbye when appropriate.
3. Don't walk away from someone when they are talking to you. Say "Can you excuse me for a moment?" If you will return very shortly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt but I have to get going," if you have to leave, or some other such thing that might do.

Most people are fairly forgiving of our social akwardness as long as they are convinced that we are nice people and not just being rude or snobby. But you have to help yourself a little in these situations and make an effort to form social bonds, or at least not inhibit them, and you should also work on at least looking in the general direction of their face.

On the bright side, you're not alone.
I'm willing to bet nearly everyone on this website feels the same way you do.
I know I definitely do.

I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to each lunch with your coworkers because eating lunch with strangers seems pointless.
It's really hard for me to make new friends because I hate strangers... I remember I was once going somewhere (I think it was lunch actually) with a friend, and she said her friends from another town would be there who I hadn't met. I honestly didn't want to go just because of that, and I told her so. She asked why, and I said I don't like eating lunch with strangers, or being around them. She replied with something like, "So how do you expect to meet new people? Strangers are the friends you haven't met yet!"
She's right, but I still hate it... It's not logical, so I hate this about myself, but I'm really not sure how to fix it other than just forcing myself to be uncomfortable.

I think that was just a rant, so I'll just add; me too.

This is all very familiar. As others pointed out already, you are certainly no freak. I lost my job recently because of (lack of) social skills and some other problems linked to different brain wiring. Its frustrating not being able keeping up with others but it says nothing about the person I am or the person you are.

I went through my first few years at work feeling very stupid and marginalised like that. The sad truth is that most people aren't interested in real inclusion, and they'll barely lift a finger to help anybody who's struggling to fit in. Others can be downright rotten about it, and use you to make themselves look smarter.

But give it time. You only need to make one friend and the social hierarchy will start to look a lot better. People come and go. Meanwhile your experience grows and the other folks will get more used to you. There are lots of people in jobs who keep themselves to themselves, and many of them are accepted in the end. If it's still crap in a year or two, consider going after another job. And don't forget that none of this is your fault, it's just the result of your brain wiring and the way the world is at times. You're a learning animal and if you survive at all, which you very likely will, you'll work out coping strategies. And don't worry about the "pretty" NT who seems so much "better" than you. If you're not feeling very confident then you're probably amplifying your differences out of all proportion, and it's surprising how many people don't get swayed by superficial appearances, especially in the long term. I know it's supposed to be really important to women to look good, but a lot of it is a matter of individual taste.

I've been working for decades and although I do a lot better with people than I used to, I still want out. I suppose that's why they pay me.......I sure wouldn't put myself through it if they didn't.

Don't feel badly about yourself. You are simply playing the hand you were dealt. You just have to try your best, and try to feel good about having done so. I have faith in you.