Is perfectionism really all that bad?
I have a feeling that Asperger’s and perfectionism commonly goes together, although not by any means limited to Aspies. One thing I feel that the professionals tend to be wrong on is that perfectionism is only bad. Based on various sites found through Google searches and personal experience, I have a pretty good feeling that perfectionism is misunderstood like certain other subjects like AS. Really, they can’t think of anything positive about perfectionism? Are they correct and I deluded myself into thinking there’s something good about it or are they actually wrong about this? I have a pretty good feeling it’s the latter, because I don’t see how nothing good comes of it. Are these not the same people who stress about finding the good in stuff? How is perfectionism an exception to that?
When I mentioned personal experience, I mean when I was in a community hospital some time ago. At one point, a video was shown that says perfectionism expects too much of oneself and others. When I mentioned that I’m a bit of a perfectionist, the guy thought that was negative and a problem to be fixed. Not a single positive thing mentioned about it. Nice job attempting to help others by saying perfectionism is only a problem to be fixed. At this point in time, I find it pretty hard to know who’s right, wrong, or even a bit of both when I feel I find so many things in life taken for granted that just doesn’t ring truth with me.
Anyway, I’m not denying that there aren’t downfalls when it comes to perfectionism, but to say that nothing positive comes of it doesn’t sit right with me. It could be argued that the term perfectionism talks about the extremes, but even that doesn’t explain why a single positive thing seems to not get mentioned about it. The way I see it, the extra attention to detail ensures that things get done right and well, especially if it’s something you really enjoy doing. It can also lead to great creativity and ensuring that you think outside the box, even if takes longer than others. Such attention to detail can be great when it comes to tasks that demands it and can be picky about the smallest mistakes, like programming. Anyone that ever done any kind of programming, will know how nitpicky computers can be at reading data and flat out refusing to compile or run a program with the smallest mistake.
So, surely others here can debunk (or even confirm) what professionals usually tend to say that perfectionism is only a negative thing.
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I think that a perfectionist attitude or perfectionist tendencies can indeed be very positive IF CHANNELED AND USED IN BENEFICIAL WAYS.
You mentioned how important details are to computer programming - this is an excellent example of a beneficial way of channeling perfectionism.
The dark side of perfectionism is when the perfectionist individual focuses on details that are non urgent or non important. An example from my middle school years - I couldn't stand seeing a crinkle in my paper when I was doing an assignment or worksheet. If my paper got crinkled - I would throw it away and start again because it wasn't .. well.. "perfect." The problem with my attitude at the time was that a small crinkle on a worksheet was completely unimportant. It was a worksheet - not a work of art!! Anyways, I have outgrown this and now I am lucky to find papers without sticky stuff on them from my two kids
I think that you should celebrate your perfectionist traits and focus on being detail orientated and 100% WHERE IT IS IMPORTANT. Do a perfect job on your tax return, but don't worry if you slice the cake lopsided. Be detail oriented when going over a list of inventory needed for a social event - but be able to relax and enjoy the party even if things don't go "perfectly."
Also, this is really important - remember that perfectionism is your thing. It's your priority. Let the rest of us mere mortals be imperfect without making us feel uncomfortable. Keep your insistence on perfection limited to those urgent/important things (where your detail oriented skills keep everything running smoothly and safely). The rest of the time - embrace the world as the imperfect place that it is and know that you are a precious, perfect piece in an otherwise imperfect mosaic.
It can be a bad thing because if you try and have things be perfect you never get your work done. I can't always remove spots off of counter tops or floors or from carpets because they don't always come off.
I remember being in pottery class when I was 16 and because I was trying to make my bird house so perfect, I never got it done and I ran out of time before I even moved beyond putting it together. Then fore I know it, my teacher had put it in the tub because I hadn't worked on it in a month. Why? because I was doing softball and I couldn't do pottery anymore due to softball. It was at the same time as after school activities. So because I was being such a perfectionist, I never got my project done. So yeah that's why it can be a bad thing. I've learned to not be so perfect or else some things might never get done.
The good to my perfectionism comes with bad attached. Take, for example, my postings here at WP. Anything over one paragraph takes me between 1/2 to one full hour to compose. The bad side is the time waste. The good side is that these posts are typically rather effective at either helping someone,
I even went over each of these sentences three times, tweaking and re-editing, making my total time spent on this bit of text over twenty minutes.
IMO, yes. To me perfectionism shows an insecurity that you are not good enough and in order to be liked, you have to do things perfect.. There is no such thing as a perfect person. and if someone feels they have to act in this way it is harmful. There is nothing wrong with taking pride in a job or in doing it correctly or in being precise or exact. I also feel that since perfectionist people set such high standards for themselves; nobody else is ever good enough and is ever going to live up to these standards.
Yes it's a double-edged sword. I get a lot of my self-esteem from doing a first-rate job with due diligence. But the downside is that nothing in life is ever perfect......and I get hung up on shortcomings in myself and others, that can't really be helped. It's particularly been a problem in my relationships - the slightest let-down and I'm wondering how I got myself mixed up with such a failure, and then I feel guilty for being so hard to please. I've mellowed over the years but it can still be a problem.
Perfectionism is a dual-edged sword.
It is a positive in that you can expect quality work from a perfectionist, but pragmatically, you can never be "perfect" in all things, and if a perfectionist can't deal with passing work along that is "good enough," they become a bottleneck to productivity.
So some of the replies appear to suggest that perfectionism is only a bad thing, which I find tends to fall too much into black and white. Another thing about perfectionism, much like most other concepts, is that different people use it in different ways, for better or worse. I feel bitter about this because who really likes being told that an aspect of yourself is bad and needs to be fixed when you don't see everything they say about it as truth? Hmm... that sounds dangerously close to how a criminal mind could work. On the other hand, maybe there is a difference in how people define perfectionism. On one hand, it could mean "as perfect as humanity possible", on the other hand, it could mean "perfect, even if next to impossible", which the latter is what many seem to view perfectionism as.
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That sure can be a bad experience, but that still doesn't mean perfectionism itself is only bad, even if that particular person based on what you said only showed the dark side of it.
That about sums it up, although it seems professionals overlook this for some reason and only tend to focus on the bad.
You did mention it can be bad and not it is only bad, which is a step up from what I normally hear about it. I personally don't recall messing up projects in school based on perfectionism, since I usually only tend to go for that for things I actually care about. Any school projects I messed up were due to other reasons. Had any of the school projects been things I cared about, I likely would have paid a lot more attention to details.
That's basically what I heard in person some time ago when someone mentioned that. I disagree about the part about believing things have to be done "perfectly" in order to be liked. I may not be the most likable person, but that's more related to people thinking I'm a jerk than having high standards. There is a difference between high and impossible standards, although perfectionism in certain people may blur that line.
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Few things are completely good or bad.. Perfectionism is good in terms of having a more complete product that one has really thought about and worked on. But it's also bad because it takes forever to perfect something and then once it's done then there's the inevitable obsession with whether it was good enough or getting upset because you missed something. Sometimes, just having something "good enough" is sufficient. So I wouldn't characterise it as completely negative or positive. It can be quite positive if you know when to stop and let go once it's done and spend time on perfecting on things worth perfecting. Otherwise it can be a great source of stress and inefficiency.
That is a valid point. I think that my desire for perfection isn't so much AS as a matter of how I was rejected as a child for being "different." I deducted that if I was "perfect" people would like me, so I struggled to do everything perfectly so there would be no flaw for people to use to reject me. It was a long time before I realized that there is no "perfect" that pleases everyone, and that the "reasons" I was given for being rejected were really "excuses" by people who simply did not like me and would never like me no matter what I did to try and please them.
it really depends on how that perfectionism is defined and expressed. when used to ensure projects are complete down to the last detail, its positive. when it increases a projects time to where it can mean deficits in cost or time value, its negative.
one negative aspect of perfectionism is that it often leads to narrow, rigid thinking. for instance, someone may believe that there is only one way to do something "right", when in fact there are many ways the task could be completed. this can lead to conflict with others in the home or workplace who do not follow the "right" way.
or perhaps they believe there is only one "right" belief system, and they become intolerant of others who are "wrong". that kind of thinking can lead to entire wars.
either way, perfectionism can be good or bad, depending how its expressed. it often leads to frustrating situations for both the perfectionist and those around him/her.
i say this as someone who suffers from ocpd traits, including a form of perfectionism. i can be very rigid in how things are suppose to be done, and some decisions (making the perfect choice) are excruciating for me.
I think it's possible that good things can come from perfectionism. That being said...
I am a huge perfectionist, and it affects me negatively quite often. I get hung up on projects, can't stop thinking about them, stress over it, and my stress manifests as physical pain. I get muscle spasms and it turns into severe headaches and nausea. (I just got over a headache that lasted two days.) I'm supposed to have been working on this, but I don't know how. I need everything just right. For example: I just finished this semester with a 3.9 GPA, but all I can think about is what I could have done in that one class I got a 'B' in.