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Have become a shell of human being

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ja795
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05 Nov 2016, 8:39 am

I would appreciate advice.
I have had really bad social anxiety going on two years now and I moved into a flat with four other people two months ago (I am in my last year of university). I have told them I have social anxiety and they said they understand but I still feel guilty for not spending any time with them. I just sit alone in my room all day except for washing dishes, clothes, cooking, shopping and class attendance.
Yesterday night I felt guilty and thought it would be my last chance so I approached one of them and said they are welcome to knock on my door and ask me to play a two player on an xbox. Since then I have felt very mentally sick and drained because of the social pressure I have put on myself, which in turn is making my anxiety worse. It is as though I have become incapable of being comfortable around other people.
I am thinking I will just continue to avoid socialising with them as before. Is this a bad idea? Will people think I am weird if I continue to avoid them and if so, should I care? Or should I do what I am comfortable with regardless of what other people think?



SilverProteus
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05 Nov 2016, 8:50 am

ja795 wrote:
I would appreciate advice.
I have had really bad social anxiety going on two years now and I moved into a flat with four other people two months ago (I am in my last year of university). I have told them I have social anxiety and they said they understand but I still feel guilty for not spending any time with them. I just sit alone in my room all day except for washing dishes, clothes, cooking, shopping and class attendance.
Yesterday night I felt guilty and thought it would be my last chance so I approached one of them and said they are welcome to knock on my door and ask me to play a two player on an xbox. Since then I have felt very mentally sick and drained because of the social pressure I have put on myself. It is as though I have become incapable of being comfortable around other people.
I am thinking I will just continue to avoid socialising with them as before. Is this a bad idea? Will people think I am weird if I continue to avoid them and if so, should I care? Or should I do what I am comfortable with regardless of what other people think?


Inviting them to play video games sounds like great fun :D

I think that, unfortunately for an aspie, the world requires us to interact socially and unless you want to go live in the middle of the woods on your own then there's really no escaping it. I think it would be more productive to believe that you can get your social anxiety treated and learn to feel comfortable around people, even if it's only a special one or two friends.


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Awkward
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05 Nov 2016, 9:04 am

I have the same problem. It sucks to have aspergers. It prevents to treat my social anxiety. Because aspergers makes me a weird person and i just cant have friends because of my weirdness. If I had only anxiety it would be toooo easy to socialize because I would be just a normal human being. But when they see my retardness they go away.

Scientists should find a treatment for aspergers FAST



ja795
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05 Nov 2016, 9:35 am

SilverProteus wrote:

Inviting them to play video games sounds like great fun :D

I think that, unfortunately for an aspie, the world requires us to interact socially and unless you want to go live in the middle of the woods on your own then there's really no escaping it. I think it would be more productive to believe that you can get your social anxiety treated and learn to feel comfortable around people, even if it's only a special one or two friends.


Thank you for your advice. As someone with bad trust issues and anxiety, it is encouraging to be reminded that there are helpful people,and yes I suppose you are right, I should try to find the means for improving my anxiety, whether or not it will actually happen is a different question altogether.



Last edited by ja795 on 05 Nov 2016, 9:54 am, edited 2 times in total.

ja795
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05 Nov 2016, 9:42 am

Awkward wrote:
I have the same problem. It sucks to have aspergers. It prevents to treat my social anxiety. Because aspergers makes me a weird person and i just cant have friends because of my weirdness. If I had only anxiety it would be toooo easy to socialize because I would be just a normal human being. But when they see my retardness they go away.

Scientists should find a treatment for aspergers FAST


Thank you for your reply. I feel the opposite; I feel that it is not my Aspergers that is stopping me from making any friends and that it is purely my social anxiety. The problem is that with professional guidance and advice from psychologists a lot of the effects of Aspergers in a person can be controlled (relatively) easily, whereas for social anxiety it is not so easy. Although, it may be that social anxiety is usually much worse for a person with Aspergers than for a neurotypical person.



SilverProteus
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05 Nov 2016, 9:59 am

ja795 wrote:
SilverProteus wrote:

Inviting them to play video games sounds like great fun :D

I think that, unfortunately for an aspie, the world requires us to interact socially and unless you want to go live in the middle of the woods on your own then there's really no escaping it. I think it would be more productive to believe that you can get your social anxiety treated and learn to feel comfortable around people, even if it's only a special one or two friends.


Thank you for your advice. As someone with bad trust issues and anxiety, it is encouraging to be reminded that there are helpful people,and yes I suppose you are right, I will have to find the means to improving my anxiety, whether or not it will actually happen is a different question altogether.


I also had severe social anxiety so I know just how crippling it can be. I also don't care much to make friends but I've grown to like interacting with certain people. Treating it is definitely worth a try.


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ja795
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05 Nov 2016, 10:21 am

SilverProteus wrote:

I also had severe social anxiety so I know just how crippling it can be. I also don't care much to make friends but I've grown to like interacting with certain people. Treating it is definitely worth a try.


It is good to see that you managed to reduce your anxiety.
You will know that when anxiety is very bad it can lead to some scary symptoms such as derealisation and depersonalisation.
Also, when I am sitting in my room, the constant nose of the doors opening and closing from the other people in my flat who don't have social anxiety is enough to make me feel as though I am going insane. (Because of the shame of staying in my room all day while others are going out). When I eventually leave my room I get bad looks which makes my anxiety much worse. So yeah you are right, I will have to give it a try.