Did your parents ever had to tell you how to react?

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Did your parents or friends ever had to tell you how to react or what to say in social situations? I remember when I was a kid and even a teenager my parents would tell me say this or say that after I failed at some sort of interaction. I would turn my head away from people trying to talk to me or just ignore people completly when I was older. They so much went out of their way to make me appear normal. Now I am in my forties and I was at the store with my mother so I could help her carry something heavy into the car's trunk. She started a conversation with some woman with a baby in line infront of us, My mom would not shut up about how pretty the baby was and she was acting like she was waiting for me to say something. Because of her wanting me to say something I suddenly had the urge to say something F'd up about the baby to shut them both up but I held my tongue. ( I wanted to say: "Do you know who the father is?" ) I went out to the car to wait for her. Then she was going on about how it would not have killed me to be nice to the baby and its mother. So I told her it would have been like a parrot talking not carring for what is being said. She repleyed at least they would have not been staring at you like a freak. when I told my father about what I wanted to say and he had a pretty good laugh about it. He sometimes gets a kick out of the twisted things that I sometimes say to people.

I can relate to this. Ever sense I was very little my mom has always complained about me in social settings. Before we go anywhere & on the way I have the hear some major speeches about how I am supposed to act. My mom also used to complain that she didn't go to social things because of me. My mom was never that social to begin with. She's also a teacher(she taught 2nd half of 8th grade after she got her college & she taught pre-K & still does) She complains that I mumble & do not say things like no sir, yes ma'me ect. She tells me that she dislikes it when her students talk like me & she wants me to be more polite even thou most adults I know have not talked like that sense the time my mom was a kid. I usually prefer not to socialize & only go to family functions like weddings, funerals, Christmas, ThanksGiving dinners ect. She complains that I do not want to go but on the way there she still gives me that speech. I cant win for losing

My parents are southern, even though they were dirt poor they still were overly polite and complimentary. They said they thought my rudeness was from me being from my growing up in Buffalo, NY. (Damned Yankees)

I get the "how to act" lectures a lot. I suppose it's a given, considering how much our social skills suck.

Oh come on, Buffalo is all about the social niceties. It's called the "City of Good Neighbors" for a reason!
Living in Buffalo myself, I actually think that people are too friendly. Everyone is connected to everyone else somehow. It drives me nuts!

You should try living in Depew, they seem to take verbal pot shots at me every other time I go to Tops on Broadway. If it was not for my self control I would be in prison by now. I think all the jerk like behavior comes from all the lead and other contaminates that keep on being found all over Depew.

Last edited by Todesking on 16 May 2010, 10:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes. All the time. They still do now and then.

Nah, not really. And she's said outright that she never worries about bringing me in public. Sometimes my mom would tell me I should look people in the eye or something like that, but not in a forceful way. And she always explained why it was important...it didn't always make complete sense to me, but she did explain. I know I come off as rude sometimes because of my lack of expression and such, but I'm always polite so I guess that's how my mom and I meet in the middle. She's not that chatty, fake kind of woman so we get along very well. She exhibits a few Aspie traits but she can read people while I cannot.

Surprisingly, no. I think I had enough things drilled into me as a little girl, as all small children learn those kinds of social things at that time, so it somehow stuck. Though I'm not one to respond well to a stranger talking to me, it doesn't look rude as far as I know because I've never been told...

My mom never bothered to tell me what to say or not. She has always been accepting of my "funny ways" as she calls them. My father, husband and an ex bf always seemed to want to guide me socially, but usually it's after I say something wrong. Sometimes it's ok, but other times it can hurt my feelings and make me feel like I can't do anything right. It doesn't matter that much though - I usually forget it pretty soon after.

I've had some experiences as an adult my sister has made comments. Some examples.

While on the subway in NYC My sister/her friend started saying Oh so when is your boyfriend going to meet us? (sister-friend) I was like huh? My sister kicked me in the leg LOL! (She thought some guy was shady and he might have been following us so she struck up that conversation)

Another time a relative was like WOW I think I got a bad bug bite a recluse! I'm going to the doctor tomorrow etc. I was like that's nothing and he gave me the oddest look. My sister looked at me and backed me up Oh she watches documentaries and has seen worse that's all. (Which I have IMO it didn't look like a brown recluse bite!! !)

My parents did all the time. My mother told me to make eye contact and smile a lot. Part of me hates it because I spent so much of my childhood pretending to be normal. Part of me is glad she did because it helps me pass as NT, speak in public, and perform. I understand the southern thing. My childhood was probably easier than that of some aspies because I was born up north. My family is southern on both sides. Mom's family is old, land-owning-but-not-rich southern, and Dad's is more southwestern. He describes it as PWT. An old lady band director finaly trained me to say "ma'am" and "sir" some years after we moved south.

Nope. They are both aspies too, I'm pretty sure.

not as such, but i was often forced to spend time with older relatives of mine (who were sometimes quite mean to me) when i really couldn't stand to, and forced to speak with them on the phone, which was infuriating. if someone hands you a telephone and won't say who it is, you have no choice but to a. talk, b. yell ("I DON'T WANT TO TALK!!" or "TELL ME WHO IT IS!! !") or c. hang up .. but this was back in the dark ages with rotary phones and i was left either having a complete fit, loud enough for the person on the other line to hear, or capitulating.

apparently i was a mean person for not wanting to speak to them, forgetting birthdays, etc. while they actually said cruel things to me and i was expected to tolerate it.

My parents generally steered me in the right direction, but not in a forceful way. They taught me to be polite to other people even if I did not like them.

I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a kid. I remember getting into big trouble when I forgot to say it.

When I was a little older and it was time to try and get a part time job I was so upset and unable to start the application process that my dad had to write me little scripts to read over the phone while asking about interviews. Complete with little smiley faces.