I'm confused how to answer this question/describe this

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Every once in awhile I get asked questions by friends about my father. I've had no contact with him face-to-face since I was 10 and took my mother's name at 18 (name changes are a pain, but in this case worth it). I have no major issues with discussing my family (I have 2 moms & sibs) or my father but describing my issues with him got me wondering what they would be classified as. I'm honestly wondering if it would count as some form of neglect or legal abuse? Their was no physical or sexual abuse.

I'll try to keep it short by listing some stuff about when I visited him:

Visits occurred out of state for about 2-3 years sporadically when I was very young & my brother was a toddler. He'd take us to a farm he had with his technical mistress on a mountain & my mother didn't know where we were or if he would bring us back... scary. He rarely watched us which was bad b/c my brother was 2-5 during the visits.
One time a goat nearly smashed my brother's head (b4 he started taking us out of state)
His "girlfriend" threatened my mom when she wanted to know where we were. (Their was illegal stuff with sucking alamony out her ex going on & I didn't know it/why the visits eventually ended)
He'd constantly make nasty comments about my mom
The food he gave us tended to be stuff like popcorn & candy that I couldn't digest if we didn't go out
My brother & I got splinters a lot b/c he never sanded his floors
We wandered around "his farm" alone all the time (with horses, tractors, people, barns etc. everywhere)
He & his father liked to goad me b/c of my autistic symptoms (make noises that freaked me out) Ex. My grandfather enjoyed growling like a bear at me & chasing me around with his dentures...

Sorry it was so long , but its kinda always bothered me & I needed to rant it b/c I didn't understand what was going on when I was 6 (I'm just glad my brother never was permanently injured...)

Sounds like your dad's just not very thoughtful when it comes to taking care of children.

My parents divorced when I was 6 months old, and I've been around my father in person a total of 8 times (he visited for a week when I was 2, 4, 7 and 9, and stayed for 2 days when I was 12; I visited him in california for a week when I was 14 and 16, and he stayed for 2 days for my high school graduation).
I don't consider it abuse or neglect. I just didn't really have a father. I like him just fine; he's a great guy who's lots of fun, I just don't really see him as my "dad." He's my father, but he's not my parent.

This reminded me of the time when I used to cry a lot and once, I was practising the piano and started crying and my mom threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't stop crying.

However, I think my mom used that tactic to get me to stop crying and she didn't actually wanted me out of the house. That was really scary though, I remember she forced me to the edge of the front door of the house.

Nowadays, my mom really loves me

The main reason I ever thought it could have been more than just being careless was b/c of letting my brother & I wander around the farm & stores alone. He was fully aware of the equipment & animals that were around. I was constantly shaken up from having to make sure my brother wasn't hurt (I was 5-8 while he was 2-5).

I would call that neglect and emotional abuse.

I'm not in contact with my father either. I don't like to talk about it, I just say "I'm not in contact with him" if people ask.

I remember one day, that I was having a very bad day, when I was 11. I jumped up, whenever somebody said something, and we were down in the states, for a day. My mum asked me what my problem was, in a very harsh tone, and she told me, that the next time, I did that, I was going to go in the car. That started a string of suicidal feelings, until I was diagnosed with Depression, and put on meds, at the age of 23, 12 years ago, this month to be exact.

i second that. there is a lot of seemingly grey area with abuse and i'd call most of it abuse.



i don't speak to my father either. usually i say exactly that, and i'm going to make a point from now on of dealing with it differently, as i can't stand trying to explain why.