Skills Needed for Independence

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For those with ASD diagnoses, please list the top three to five skills that were the hardest for you to learn on the road to independence. Your responses will help me be a better parent, and will help at least one other person. Thank you very much in advance.

PS, thanks to Callista for the inspiration!

* avoiding predators and scam artists (predators got easier to avoid when I got older and became fat. I'm no longer so much of a target now. Scam artists I mainly avoid by trusting no one, never opening my door to speak to strangers, never answering the phone, never travelling.)
* organizing my time ( I lose entire days because it seems as if only a moment has passed between when I get up and when I go back to bed.)
* keeping my home clean enough to avoid penalties from the health department (still working on this one. Still very messy but no visits from the health department in a while now)
* keeping employment (obtaining is easier for me than keeping. still working on this one.)
* dealing with bureaucracy such as banks, utility companies, etc. (still working on this one. Not easy.)

1) Learning how to drive a car

2) Good interview technique so that I don't make a fool of myself at job interviews

3) How to cook, you can't survive on pizza for the rest of your life

4) How to spot a good apartment and a good landlord from a bad one

But, most of all.......................................

5) Something which is difficult to describe in words and the closest I can think of is 'street smarts'. The rest of the world manages to survive using this skill but it took me twenty years to get it

Vanilla_Slice

I'm still having trouble with keeping appointments and being on time. There are too many variables.

- Put it on the calendar - I've learned to keep a paper calendar because when the computer crashes everything is lost.

- Do not shuffle calendar in with piles of paper - keep it in front of my face (under the screen). There's a calendar in the kitchen with nice big squares to write it but I go months without remembering it's there.

- For people who know I have AS, it is permissible to ask them to phone to remind me the day before as well as two hours before the appointment.

- Keep small backpack (or purse?) packed with things that other people automatically remember to bring -bus tickets, cards (ID, health card, etc.) wrist watch, print-out of Yahoo map with landmarks highlighted, bottled water, alternate weather gear (like those tiny gloves and a tiny collapsible umbrella), cellphone, sunglasses, cap with sun visor or rolled-up beret. I'm not aware of the change of seasons until I'm standing out there wearing a light jacket in a snowstorm.

- The night before - put out clothes so I don't have to wonder what to wear, esp underwear, Wash clothes if necessary. Check weather forecast and decide whether to wear jacket or sweater or coat etc. Also decide headwear and shoes or boots. Don't rely on memory, put things near the door. Charge cellphone. Write to-do list for appointment day (brush teeth) and estimate times e.g. how long the bus ride will take. This involves work with online maps that give times. Also write down how to get home again.

- Take extra panic pill an hour before leaving.

- Put full-length mirror near front door so you can see if you look okay - "Oops! didn't comb my hair!"

I used to hold down a job and the biggest help was that huge purse packed with anything that might be useful, including the change of seasons. That mirror helped a lot too.

re mindset - this is a lot of preparation and if it doesn't come off perfectly, don't worry about it. Nobody's perfect.

Good luck!

If you don't mind I'll list a few things that we are working on here. It's my children who have ASDs. I think these things can vary a lot from person to person. Some Aspies are so systematic and organized that they have to learn to be flexible...but not the ones in my family!

For my son to every be able to live semi-independantly he will need:

Organization skills and ways to make sure he's done important things like taken his meds (very serious mood disorders and he can be a danger to himself or others without them, not through intentional violence but in other ways. He will probably always need assistance to live on his own, but can probably do it with a wife or social worker).

Job skills and training: He's academically capable but if he doesn't beat the mood stuff enough to get an education that allows him to make a living at what he can do, his behavior is very restricted, he won't make it. Robitic Engineering, or something like that will suit him.

People Skills: He's actually very outgoing and extroverted. He just needs to be aware of other people's feelings, which he does care deeply about, he just needs to keep learning how to figure out what they are. His natural instincts about how to respond to them are good. We've worked hard at this, and he's made tremendous progress. This is probably his greatest strength.

Flexibility: He melts down about changes and transitions. While these will always be difficult, that's how he is made, if he can learn to handle these issues with more grace and express his feelings more appropriately I think people can accept him as he is. Flying off the handle and mood cycling are his greatest downfalls.

My son's Aspieness is not his big challenge, it's his mood disorder. Without that, this would be a cake walk for him. Sure he'd be different and have an unusal lifestyle, but it'd be totally sustainable and viable.

Middle son is an Aspie, but there's really nothing holding him back. He'll be a reclusive intellectual studying oceanography or marine biology and lead a full and exciting life. No worries.

Focusing on a task at a time

Paying bills

Learning how to make currysauce

Most phones have PDA's and they are the best way for an Aspie to keep track of things. Even the cheaper phones have a "to do list" with an alarm to remind you. I got a blackberry for my older Aspie daughter but I use my little phone to remind me of things.
I think having good job interviewing skills is very helpful. Also if you have someone who knows you and can help you out you should take them with you when you are making any serious decisions. It is easy to get manipulated when you are stressed so its good to have a friend or family member that can help you out.

Years ago, I was manipulated and ripped off by a used car dealer who convinced me to put $200 down for him to hold a car I wanted, even though he knew I wouldn't be able to pass the credit check to get the loan to buy it. (I didn't realize this at the time -- my mom had to explain what happened to me later.)

I couldn't get the loan and then he refused to give me back my $200. I was going to give up on it but somehow (I don't remember how it came up) it got mentioned to my mom and she got really angry and put on her pinstripe "power suit" and took me back down to the dealer. I think he thought she was a lawyer instead of my mother because when he saw her with me, he immediately said, "oh, here, Miss Jones, you forgot to collect your deposit" and handed me the $200 right away.

I'm sure some people do that but I guess thats why some people get heart attacks in their 50s.

Or 30s. I've known several people, including my late fiance, who died of heart attacks in their 30s. I suspect it was antidepressants, though, since all were on them for many years.

Usually is drugs. Some experts say that even with the worst lifestyle (junk food plus little physical activity) cardiovascular symptoms arrive in your 20s but death doesn't come until late 40s/early 50s.

Making lists of things to take or do for specific events,

Such as

A list of things to take on holidays

A list of things for an overnight stay in hospital

I have found these very helpful as I find staying away quite stressful and while I am packing I tend to lose my head and either forget something, or overpack and take a huge bag of things I won't wear.

Also, I found it helpful to have a particular day of the week for bill paying. As the bills come in, I put them in a folder, and then on the day, say Friday, I pull the folder out, and all my bills are in there. They don't get lost anymore

Thanks for all of your replies, there is some really good advice here. I'm making a list

Accessing transportation

Finding and using medical/dental care

Keeping a house clean

Having a way to address problems you don't know how to solve, or make up for skills you don't have; self-advocacy skills, including how to keep one's independence while using services

Dealing with common emergencies and unusual occurrences (ex., a fire alarm; being stopped by the police; going to the emergency room); can include having a hotline to call

aslong as you know how to take a shower, brush your teeth and cut your hair everyonce inawile everything else is meaningless

Not true. I've had a landlord call the health department on me before for having stacks of old newspapers.

In addition to hygiene (which is important, especially for getting people to leave you alone and not attempt to institutionalize you) you have to have some means of keeping yourself fed (including acquiring food, preparing food (whether that means opening a bag or box or cooking), and remembering to eat regularly), you have to have some way of keeping bills paid (disability, job, trust fund) and the ability to remember those bills and pay them on time. And you have to have the ability to appear functional enough for any authorities who might come knocking on the door.