Making Friends in an Egotistical World

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One barrier I find to social acceptance is that everyone has an ego. Some egos are bigger than others, but many egotists can see nothing but themselves. In the most extreme cases, egotists will not be my friend unless I have something to offer them (and I usually don't). I find it a big problem among my demographic, college students. Many students (myself included) have outsized egos. In the absence of work or any major responsibilities, these egos balloon until they are forced to make their own ways in life. Even as they age, I assume the egos still exists. In fact, I imagine most professionals have extremely big egos.

I could look at this and run away from life, but I don't think that's really productive. So I choose to confront the problem of ego, and not see this as a barrier to social contact. In fact, I can probably use another's ego to make friends. Now I just need to strategize. How does one use another's ego to make that other person like you? If I can't, how can I make peace with others' rampant egotism?

There's an entire book about that. It's called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The entire book is an instructional manual for how to use other people's egos to make them like you and co-operate with you. It's very easy to read and has bullet points at the end of each chapter, summing up the important points. Plus I've seen some editions that have pocket cards of all the important points from the book that you can carry around to keep reminding yourself of the methods.

oh booy....

honest to GODS i would avoid this like the plague, because the thing with construction (making) is eventually, it falls down, sometimes WAY sooner than the point of reimbursement for effort and resources has been reached.

the other OMG RUN! point with this concept is if your use of their ego is the principle upon which they like you, once their ego changes so does the foundation notion of your "freindship".

now if your not really asking "how do i manufacture a fake freindship with these people" but instead "how do i make friends among a bunch of upstuck self-important "gods gift to the universe" student?"

I'd render the advice "dont bother", be tolerant but not judgement, spend time with them when they want but NEVER donate more of your time than you can actually afford, you'll eventually pick out those in whom the ego is just a defense, and their attempts at friendship aren't because you'll get them ahead, but because.. well they dont know why they just like you, and you'll discover those who are out to use you to get a step up and nothing else (yay ego).

try it(freindship) with the ones who seem more busy with what they SHOULD be doing and who are just putting up with or letting the egotists "do their thing".



Do not, because it becomes less funny when their ego writes a check they cannot cash..

Of course! I heard it's a classic, and I'll read it this summer. Thanks so much!

That's an important distinction you bring up. Sometimes, a person's ego removes itself from the relationship. I have a couple of egotistical friends who like me for very genuine reasons. These are my real friends, the ones I trust for real reasons, even if they do not trust me back.

However, I realize it's important to have fake friends for a wide variety of professional and academic reasons. Actually, I cannot say they would be fake, but only that they'd have a different basis other than real friendships. In any case, I want this ability for career reasons. Even if I find a real career too much in a few years, I at least want to try it.

Besides, maybe some of these ego-based friendships will evolve into real friends. You never know.

Lotus:
Your remarkably "aware" for a human, what are you studying?