Relief at the thought of not having to socialize normally.

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I'm not saying I'm going to try to use AS as an excuse, ESPECIALLY since I don't even have a professional DX, but I just feel so relieved now. I don't have to pretend to enjoy socializing anymore. LOL, I know I should at least try to maintain some friendships and I will, but I won't ever force myself to try to be as outgoing as i used to because now I know that there's nothing WRONG with me. I'm not crazy. I don't have to get myself wrapped up in situations that bring out the worst in me just to prove anything.

I still need to find some kind of balance, it's just really nice to know that I don't have to be a phoney anymore, and I can get back all of the energy I've been using on maintaining a facade, and apply it to things that really matter.

I can relate. I'm kind of under pressure about something similar right now.

The people around me might be more understanding of the little hiccups I have socially and wouldn't crucify me whenever I do something that isn't considered socially appropriate if I told them I'm autistic. I could have the relief of not having to kill myself just to keep them as friends.

Or I'd loose my dignity because of their stereotypical ideas about or they'd say I'm making excuses, or something. Either way I wouldn't have to live a lie anymore, it would be a relief. It's a very twisty situation.

I'm glad you feel more "comfortable in your skin".
I never faked trying, I really tried.
I never faked a different personality because I don't think it's right. I yam what I yam.
I do fake expected verbal niceties because it makes my life easier and it's part of the way everyone does things.
If I don't do them, people resent you and make your life harder. So I dutifully say "Hi, how are you?" and look them briefly in the eye.
I don't try to socialize anymore, because I don't want to. That would be true whether I thought I had an ASD or not.
I guess when you're younger people expect you to socialize more. I can remember people telling me to stop being such a hermit in a flannel nightgown.
I count myself lucky to come from parents that never forced popularity expectations on me or my siblings.
The thought of going out there and pretending to be a social butterfly never occurred to me.
I would suck at it anyway, I'm sure. People can pick up on that kind of thing.

I know exactly what you mean. Ever since finding out, I go through so much less stress now.

Every once in a while though, I still get those moments where I have to try to pretend I can talk to strangers without tripping over my own tongue

I used to force myself to be social and to be in social situations/careers because I thought it would "fix" me. I failed each time and then hated myself for not being good enough - so it is a big relief to know that there's a reason behind it and to not have to try so hard because I'm not magically going to turn into some great socialiser. I want to improve my social skills but I think that will be easier now that I don't have to also have to maintain a facade at the same time.

Congratulations! I'm sure you'll be able to find the right balance for you. It must have been awful to feel you absolutely had to fit into some NT mold that was a totally impossible fit for you. That sounds like a nightmare out of the Twilight Zone.

I bet you'll find really cool friends who appreciate the real you.

That's how I feel about relationships. It was a moment of clarity when I realized that the reason I had always failed was because I honestly didn't know how.