Feeling empathy at different times, instead of lacking.

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So, I really don't feel that I lack empathy but I can definitely come off as apathetic at times. I'm just not empathetic about all of the things people are "supposed" to be empathetic about, I guess. I can be very passionate about certain things and see things from many different angles. I can definitely relate to almost anyone if I try hard enough. I guess the issue is that if I don't see something as important or LOGICAL,I show and feel little or no empathy. I understand the person's point of view but if it makes no sense I don't "feel" for them.

Anyone else?

Same. If it's not important to me then I don't care. I can be overly empathetic that I appear to not show it too. It's like I'm paralyzed from emotion. It's probably why I don't like being around people shouting or crying.

Have a read of story (yes i know )

and also

Intense World Theory

Apparently subscription to it is high in the HFA community.

I can defiantly relate to that OP. Some people(especially my mom) accuse me of being selfish & lacking empathy because I ask direct/blunt questions trying to analyze things. Some experts claim that Aspies lack empathy but I think the reality is that we express/show it differently than NTs. Other people have called me overly sensitive to others & my ex compared me to the Giving Tree at one point but latter accused me of being selfish. Either I'm a manipulating con-artist or I have problems expressing/showing empathy & other things compared to the standard NT way but I have been called manipulating quit a lot by my mom

Yes I believe you are right. I think my empathy is delayed. If something happens that should trigger immediate empathy with someone I don't tend to feel it. It is only later, after having time to think about it, that I start to feel empathy for them. By then it may be pointless though...

I am accused of this. I consider myself to be a caring person; this may not be seen or, rather, I may not demonstrate this how others are able to see and understand it. I do feel it in my head and heart, though. This seems to be the crux of the issue in our society: Others must see/hear it or they firebrand you as uncaring, not just caring "differently" or the best you know how to. I am told I am cold and "unemotional"-- I am emotional when I truly feel it. Is this being "selfish" or "self-centered" (two terms I hear often from the same person)?

But, also, I too do not give extraordinary credence to that which I am not interested.

Tbh since i start analysing myself and everyone around me i eventually came to this conclusion that might make some sense out of this "delayed empathy/inappropriate empathy" thing.

I noticed NTs will invest emotionally, sometimes hugely in things that between five minutes and twenty four hours later, then "realise" didnt matter as much, or they just forget about.

I noticed ASs didnt seem to invest much at all, absence of emotion was Impossible if your human, theres ALWAYS something there.

Today i just shrug it off as "NTs do the feeling FIRST, then the thinking.. so are more prone to spilt milk crying, ASs do the thinking first then the feeling, so are more prone to saving themselves the hassle of crying over it before realising it wasnt that bad."

Sometimes it has more to do with not doing the little things that make other people happy, not being much of a cheerleader, comforter, touchy-feely type person. That's a different kind of empathy. I can't do it. I think a lot of NT men aren't particularly good at it either.

It also has to do with asking questions and trying to get other people to talk about what they're interested in. I'm horrible at this but 99% of aspies are bad it this for some reason.

However I can listen and try to understand someone else's perspective as long as they aren't trying to criticize or argue with me. I'm also a concientious person who takes other people's feelings into consideration. I don't like it when people are upset because it rubs off and mekes me feel uncomfortable. Some NTs are much WORSE than I am when it comes to this kind of empathy.

I guess my point is there isn't just one kind of empathy.