Since I've been reading about how asperger's effects all of you, I've been psychoanalyzing myself and why I do the things I do. There is one particular problem I have that makes socializing so difficult and it is not (I am positive for the most part) inability to recognize social cues. In fact I've always believed I had a problem in that area but the more I consider it, not so much.
First of all I want to say that I have no trouble understanding spoken language or answering simple questions. I can describe things in speech or writing with no problem. I don't seem to have a problem with language itself, but I have some peculiarities.
When I am speaking I do not feel like it is me speaking, as if I do not have access to my own beliefs/emotions/logic/memories simultaneously.
I can only do a sentence or two at a time because I am not reasoning as I am talking. So I just stop talking awkwardly sometimes (this happens in my mind also.)
If I am having verbal thoughts they will often be repeated again and again usually while I am in a repetitive movement, and even though I knew I already thought of something it feels somehow like it is the first time I am saying it to myself, and it takes quite awhile to move on to the next thought.
The result of this is that I remain unresponsive when I am presented with information, especially to indirect information that requires me to go back to memories and use innovative reasoning.
11 Mar 2011, 10:30 pm
