How do I tell my parents I have Aspergers?

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I know this isnt really a usual circumstance but I have to "come out" to my mother about having Aspergers.

I think she has vague memories of when I saw a counsellor every week and I told her when I got sent to the psychiatrist but she never really paid much attention. I've never really had a good relationship with her and it seems like she's generally disinterested in me. I've been living at uni for the last year but have recently come home and am struggling as all my routines have now been disrupted but I cant explain that to her.

She's already started arranging my timetable and has said I have no choice about going to one of her social events tomorrow which she thinks i'll enjoy because "There will be lots of people your age there". That's just one of the constant comments that shows she has no clue about my personality.

How do I tell her and make her understand?

Thank you in advance for anyone who replies

Hmm, lets see... first off by reading this i'd say "avoid anything with the word autistic in it" in your explanation.

A good one is every time she rearranges something say "Mom i already have plans, so no."
Im sure you've got papers to write and such, eventually she WILL give up making arrangements because your so hard at work on your uni stuff..

Do you genuinely want to tell her is the thing?

I was never faced with this situation, as my parents always knew but if I was in your situation I would probably do it something like....


"Mom, dad....I have something to tell you....this is really hard for me to say, so I'm just going to come out and say it *deep breath* I'M GAY.....(wait a few seconds)....just kidding. I'm totally straight (if you are anyway). I actually have something called Asperger's Syndrome. You should read about it because I wasn't very clear if I could die from it."

Actually with my parents It'd have to go something like "*deep breath* I'M A REPUBLICAN"

Because gay just doesn't press their upset buttons and I'd end up getting dragged around to lesbian bars by my cousin.

This isn't something you can tell her just out of the blue. For now, like kia_williams said, make something up--you've got papers to write, made other plans--whatever.

However, at some point, you should bring it up.

If you have a formal diagnosis, do you have any paperwork from the psychiatrist? That would be helpful to have on hand when you talk.

Find and bookmark some websites about Asperger's, including this one.

Pick a time when neither one of you has anything going on and are both fairly relaxed.

Speak in a calm, matter-of-fact way. In this case, the more "clinical"-sounding, the better. This may be difficult if she interrupts/gets emotional (and she might) but try to anyway. Sometimes, not reacting to stuff like that makes people quiet down and listen.

Invite questions. Get her engaged in the subject.

Hope that helps. Good luck with this. Let us know how it goes.

certified post w/return receipt

Don't mention the word, autism, because they might associate the word, with the character, Rain Man.

I think my family would behave similarly to the above scenarios!

I was really afraid to. But they found out by accident anyway...

I don't know if I am supposed to feel bad about this (I don't), but I never once considered my parents feelings about the issue. I gave their phone number to my psychologist so that he could talk to them about my childhood when he diagnosed me. I just assumed that they would be interested in the diagnosis. My mum did not accept that there was anything autistic in my behaviour - the psychologist said she was difficult.

Personally, if you have a history of psychiatric treatment that your parents know about, then the diagnosis seems perfectly natural. I certainly would not make anything up.

When I suggest to my son that he attend things for reasons like this (which is rare, and I never do more than suggest), he says things like, "have you ever met me?" And we both laugh.

I realize that my perspective is colored by my views as a parent, but I can't imagine a mother not caring about her child. Is it possible that her apparent disinterest is an inability to communicate, rather than genuine disinterest?

It would probably be helpful to have some written information, that you have read and think applies to you, to share with your mother. It is hard (impossible) to share everything that needs to be shared in one sitting. It is also impossible to be the only source of information about Asperger's - as a person with Asperger's, and (unfortunately) as a child - even an adult child, you don't have the "authority" that you need backing you up. If your therapist of psychiatrist is willing, offer his or her contact information so your mother can speak to an "expert" for more information.

One thing you might want to do when you are preparing for this conversation is to figure out what specific things you need - things like having control over your own schedule. Actually, this is something that most individuals your age would expect. There are some family obligations that "everyone" is expected to meet, but even when they live with their parents, young adults generally have primary control over their own schedules. But try to make a list, so you can try to address things, calmly, and work things out so you can both live with it.

As someone else mentioned, making sure you are both relaxed (relatively speaking) is important - don't choose a time when things are hectic, or someone is under time constraints. Also, remember that this is not likely to be a one-time conversation - more questions, concerns or thoughts will come up later, and it may be necessary to re-visit the topic.

Start the discussion with, "Mom, Albert Einstein and I have several things in common...."

are you even diagnosed?