Lack of sponteneity / inability to expess yourself...

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This came up in another topic. I want to hear other people's opinions. I don't know how much of this is an autistic thing, an introversion thing, simply a lack of confidence, etc...

The original topic is...

Do you ever feel like you're trapped inside yourself?

When I have to verbalize emotions, I clam up. I have lots to say, but nothing comes out. Lots of things get stuck in my head and I have to struggle to get even a little bit out.

about cognitive "pre-processing" . . .

I call this the internal censor. And I think most people have it, Aspie, 'Normal,' etc.

What works for me is to turn it down so that the default setting is that it's probably okay to go ahead and say it. That combined with keeping it brief and medium energy as far as paying attention to the response of others.

I find it difficult to express myself in any way, whether it's through speaking, writing or artwork. It's mainly because I'm paranoid about having what I say or draw get used as fodder for personal attacks and ridicule. By now I should be comfortable enough in my own skin not to let things like that stop me, but I have an irrational desire to be accepted by everyone and have their approval. That's why I admire people like CockneyRebel and Ackman - they have the courage to express how they truly think and feel inside, and they stay true to themselves no matter what anyone else has to say about it.

This is why I cannot discuss intimate personal and emotional information, even with someone I'm (supposedly) close to. If they've ever attacked me once, I can never open up to them again. The sharing is over and there's nothing to be done about it. Ever.

My internal censor's default setting is so high, I will rarely say anything without some prompting. Occasionally, when I am comfortable enough to converse fairly freely, I find myself second-guessing something I just said and thinking "Oh, crap! Was that rude of me?" I didn't mean it to sound so blunt and matter-of-fact, or to be interpreted as judgmental. Sometimes after I've left the conversation, I realize I made a flippant joke about something when I was probably expected to express sympathy, or acknowledge an accomplishment. Oops.

Then I see some other people who seem to have no censor at all, who will make the most petty, catty remarks in the most snide and offhand way, as if they don't even realize how hurtful they're being - to think those things would be mean, to say them out loud is downright cruel. And these are not people with ASDs.

As with ANY Autisitic trait, one trait doesn't make one necessarily Autisitic.

Any single Autistic trait can be attributed to other causes.

What makes one Autistic is the aggregation of several traits together with each other, and no two sets of aggregates are exactly alike.

This, or any other trait can be easily dismissed if not taken into consideration with other Autistic traits. If this is the only trait one has, one isn't Autistic. If it's combined with enough other Autistic traits, it probably IS Autism.

You CAN'T just take one trait alone and label it as Autistic or otherwise. That's not how it works.

I don't think my problem is purely related to internal censorship. It's more an issue of not knowing where to start in expressing something out loud. In my mind my thinking often goes off on many simultaneous tangents, yet in order to express something verbally it has to have definite beginning, middle, and end to it. Also, my understanding of something is sometimes so intuitive that it's like the idea is encapsulated in my head and I have to "unravel" it in order to express it in words. I also have a problem when I'm asked to summarize a story or explain a concept. It's like I know the concept is all there in my head but I have no idea where to start. I also have trouble telling as story in such a way that it has a "punch" to it. I just can't organize my thoughts into speech very easily. This makes it so I can't ad-lib or improvise when speaking or socializing. I can have all these thoughts going on inside my head but my speech just freezes up.

I hope this better explains what I'm experiencing. It just seems like NTs are better at using language without even thinking much about what they are saying. I'm the opposite. I have a huge amount of intuitive ideas bouncing around in my head but no way to express them.

I can have great one to one social conversations when given the time to participate, and the other person keeps the conversation alive. Traveling with others, or working with one person on a mindless task, are almost the only times this happens. They are often surprised at me because they never get to see that side of me in a group situation. They never thought to give me a chance to talk, until they were stuck with me. Now with the right people, sometimes the group will stop and look at me until I put in my two cents.

Wow second Topic i so relate too , I'm a 16 yr old male, and for me i dont even get a conversation started im to worried about what they'll say and whether i can reply to it at all, for me this next part is a bit new, i recently started to express my self freely ( not faking emotions and expressions ), let me tell ya now i really understand why people feel trapped inside. Except for a few people -> ( only my grandma and mom ), i feel so alone, and i've come to know "There's alot to be weary of, and very very little to be comfortable with", now thats not to say i dont express my self; as i said ive stopped faking emotions and other things, with others, they'll be laughing about something and ill just stare at them because i dont understand it. To be honest there are to many things in my mind im thinking about each day, thats why my attention span is close to nothing. I analyze and calculate everything, from the weight of the bridge we just drove under, to the speed of the car, to the G-force i would experience if my mom stop going at 60 miles an hour; it just goes on and on. i dont know if this is just me or if this is shared with others.

You are normal AS.

I'm not sure people are really understanding what I'm talking about. Maybe this is partly due to having a very right-brain dominant mind. Language just isn't my native way of thinking. My thought consists mostly of these vague intuitions that I just can't put words to. I can be logical, but I'm not very concrete/orderly/sequential in my thoughts. Order and sequence is something essential to expressing oneself using language. This is my problem.

It affects me when I try to tell a story or explain something. I often stammer and hesitate. I just can't speak fluidly like most people. Yet I often have a lot that I could share if I could only express it. The majority of the world seems to consist of people who can speak fluidly but have nothing very profound or original to say. They just regurgitate other people's ideas. Yet they can sell themselves better because they know how to communicate even if they're really full of BS. Also, people are good at pretending to understand something when they really don't know what they're talking about. I'm the opposite. I understand first, yet can't figure out how to communicate my understanding to others. I'm so opposite to most people in terms of mindset that I have trouble comprehending it.

That is why it takes me a second or so to reply to a comment. I think many of us have the same issues that make language difficult. Maybe the difficulty you describe is why delayed talking is is part of autism.
I am an engineer. At work, when I explain how a system I created works, or the tasks I want done by the technicians, I always have to ask if I made sense. The project leaders like to interpret for the technicians, because they say I make no sense a lot of the time. I just keep talking until comprehension happens.

Pardon my off-topic reply, i to also have difficulty in language its my weak point;

I too do have many things i can see in my head, understanded it myself, but cannot express it is most frustrating



I too find this alot, why communicate unless its something important?

I think in pictures, not words. Sometimes I can translate into words, and sometimes I can't. Sometimes I can get a few words, and sometimes they're even the right words. For the most part, though, I can neither understand nor produce words fast enough to keep up in conversation. It's frustrating.

same. there are times when i'm very articulate, but my ability to communicate varies a lot depending on surroundings, stress, comfort level with the person i'm talking to, the nature of the communication.

i have certainly held back saying things due to anxiety about whether it's ok to say, but also because verbal thought just vanishes, and these are two completely different events.

I couldn't agree more, and I don't understand why I do it... If I ever decide to compliment someone, it always sounds fake. If I ever decide to criticise, more often than not I choose not to unless annoyed. If it ever comes to physical action (e.g. a pat on the back to show sympathy of any kind), count me out.