The right amount of socializing

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Hello.
Perhaps some of you remember my post about me being used by people, as I have a difficult time turning people down in times of need.
I had helped a friend move back to my town (we hadn't spoken for six months, and suddenly he wants me to help him move his stuff, of course I said yes ...).

Today was pretty much the first day of spring here in Sweden, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and it's about 20 degrees (celsius) outside. He called me up and wanted me to join him and his girlfriend to a nice icecream place right outside town. It was a rather pleasant trip, the weather, the sun, the small-talk and the ice cream.

Of course there was some classic screw-ups on my behalf, but they didn't seem to mind. I tend to talk on and on about irrelevant stuff, state the obvious, smile consistently, and try to look at (and analyze) their emotional expressions during conversation, which often turns out as a "suspicious" look. Anything to escape the zombie-state, I guess ...

Anyway, we said good bye and I went home, over-all pleased with the trip. I tend to over-analyze meetings for some time after they have ended, but I felt comfortable with my day so far. Then ... disaster struck

Another phone-call. It was him again. "Would you like to come to my place for a steak dinner?". (He had also insisted to pay for my serving of ice cream, by the way ...)

After that previous trip, my mind is pretty baked. I feel I have had all the socializing I feel comfortable with, within one day. But who turns down a steak dinner? Only an aspie, I guess ...

I accepted, but I am now starting to feel (or think?) strange. My head is sooo tired right now. I tend to sleep for ten or twelve hours after socializing like normal people, with normal people. All I need right now is a wind down, a few solves on the old Rubik's cube, a flip through my physics books, and a good nights sleep.

I can't call him up, just to cancel. I need him as a friend. You don't treat people like that. Or do you? Perhaps I am being too nice. Should I think about my own needs, even if he won't completely understand them? I know I will be too tired to be comfortable in a few hours. Add some beer to that, and it's a disaster waiting to happen

All in all, I feel I need to keep in touch with the few friends I've managed to keep, but I shouldn't have to stress myself to do it. He has a girlfriend, shouldn't he be happy just to gaze at her during the evening? Is it for my benefit he invites me? Does he want me there, or does he feel obligated because I helped him move? I don't want anything in return except his genuine gratitude ...

Man, socializing is a b***h. The right amount, the right circumstances, the right follow-ups, knowing when to call it a night ...

[LEAVING FOR DINNER]

Well, I'm back. That went alright I guess. Some uncomfortable silences, especially when left alone with his girlfriend. I ate too fast, then too slow. I said I would show them a web page I had found, and ended up browsing the web for ten minutes afterwards ...

We watched some TV, had a few beers, listened to music ... Conversation was tough, he talked about different CD's and band members, and I pretty much nodded along. Finally we headed out to walk his dog, during the walk I decided to call it a night and left. He asked me to stay a while longer, but I actually stood up for myself and said I had to leave. Still I can't help but thinking of how I acted.

I am so tired. Feels like I've taken the SAT's ten times over.

Hmm, this turned out to be more of a blog entry/essay than an actual question or debate. Well, I'm off to bed ...

"I never know what to say" - Best movie quote ever!

All I can say is that I hear you, I know how you feel (please don't take offense at that), and I have come to believe that it is better to leave before the other person thinks about it (or at least before I think they have thought about it)

I think if the other person thinks about you leaving before you leave, then you have been there to long. I could be wrong but that is how I try to play it.