Thinking i have AS

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Hi guys

My name is Barry, i live in the UK, i'm 18 and i think i have Autism. It was only last week since i started reading about it on the Net and all of the symptoms seem to make sense. I'm not really good at explaining stuff, even in text so i'll just make a list of all the stuff that i experience and really gets me down (I'm very unorganised too, so alot of it is gonna be down in a silly order)

* I can never start a conversation with ANYONE, no matter how hard i want to

* I have obsessions with things in the home: dog, cat, walking in and out of rooms, using Teletext on the tv

* I have a short term memory (can't explain)

* I hate using the phone, even to my friends since 99% of the time i always screw up on convos and never have anything interesting to say

* I've had 2 girlfriends in the space of a month and both relationships lasted under 5 days.

* I feel really isolated around friends and family and when they are talking about stuff i can't join in

* I find it hard to express my emotions about things to others, even to my older sister who is the best person in the world. I can tell her almost anything but there are limits and restrictions to what i say.

* I'm very sensitive to loud, sudden noise eg. my sisters alarm

* I cannot explains things well, i use wrong words alot of the time which makes me look like a complete dumbass

* I get mood swings and hate it when people jump into my private affairs.

* When i think about all my problems, it really gets me down and sometimes i cry to myself which i hide when my family is around.

* I'm scared of neally everything: the dark, people wanting to fight, most insects, fear of dying etc

* I have obsessions with music, like i would listen to 1 cd or song for ages, then i would get bored and ot listen to anything for ages, then go onto something different

*People call me lazy and a waste of space because i don't look for jobs but thats because I'm really scared to use the phone, go out looking for work, giving my cv to places

All of this stuff really gets me down, lately i've been feeling sorry for myself and crying loads. I feel really useless and even when i type this i just want to cry. I guess i'm just a p**** but that's the way i've been brought up. I live with my gran but ever since ive grown up ive called her mum (im embarrased to tell people about that because the questions come and i cannot cope with all of it). My real mum is a bit mental and i don't talk to her. My dad died when i was very young and never met him.

There's alot more stuff to post, but as i said i have a bad memory and find it hard to think about stuff.

Thanks for reading

Welcome Baz, you're not Australian by any chance, going by your username?

I suppose if you wanted local information/information local to you can always send a Private Message to other users.

I am English, emc

Baz is short for my first name Barry

It's 6pm here so my comprehension/concentration is dying out!! So it's about 8am over there?

I just re-read you do say you're in the UK! My Mum is from London btw she came out in the 70's.

hiya,

first up, wether you Aspie or not Welcome to Wrongplanet

as for wether you are an apsie or not, it certainly looks possible.

I am also in th UK, which region are you in? i am and aspie / HFA borderline

jammie

Hi jammie, what's HFA? (sorry i'm not very bright )

I live in North West London

Do you mean you can store a lot of information in your mind for short periods of time? Myself and a few other people I know can and we call it our 'short term memory'.

Even if not welcom to wrongplanet you said quite a few things that remind me of myself and my friends.

I am glad to know it is not only me

Are you planing on seeking a diagnosis?

It's High Functioning Autistic. Just because you didn't know it dosn't mean tour not bright.

You can't be expected to know something you have never been told

LFA>low fuctioning autistic
PDD>Pervasive developmental difference
PDD-NOS>PDD-not otherwise specified.
There are more but i cant remember them

Ok hmm....

What i mean by short term memory is for example my mum would tell me "Barry, can u bring all the dirty washing up down" then i would go upstairs to get what is needed then suddenly i would pause and often go on to do something else like go onto my pc and totally forget what i was about to do.

I feel so dumb

I always say to myself "Ok i'll make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow" and never end up doing it. I always put things off at the last minute (because i'm anxious and nervous and worry about what im gonna say) and just prefer doing nothing about it..then i feel really guity about not going later on in the day.

Yesterday my brother called me a "slacker" in a jokingly way, which got me down a bit. I tend to let people walk all over me and never know what to say back other than "whatever" or a sarcastic "ok".

The only people i've talked about being autistic to is my sister and my mum. They both put it off and say i'm being silly. The thing is, i know there is something wrong with me mentally..but i find it really hard to express myself.

I'm really scared to tell other people including my mates about this because i don't know how they would take it. I always have a negative attitude and think they would reject me. Also i'm scared that if i get diagnosed as being autistic i would get talked to like a ret*d.

I really, really do try to be positive about things but it just doesn't work

WOW Barry! after reading that list of yours, I feel so relieved!! You and I are exactly alike!! I know what you mean about not being able to express your feelings. And I also am famous for Forgetting things that Have just been told to me... Also feel dumb alot of the time. Even though I have a 4.0 in college, and a high IQ... It just sucks to be a Genius in some areas, and a total Dummy in others.. But then again, the things that I'm good at, others aren't... IT just sucks that the 'easy' stuff, like communication adn reading people, is what holds me back..

I have my good and bad days. I can be very depresses, somedays, and others, super happy and positive, adn excited.. Its like I never know what will happen next, with my emotions.. Silly emotions.. Wish we didn't need them...

LOL

I hope you feel better Barry. And yes, no one in my family seems to want to believe me either.. And that really hurts, because everything I read about Aspergers, is soooo me!

oh yeah, and I can be a big p@ssy, too so don't feel too bad.

I o that a lot too. My version of short term memory is usually used for tests and i need to focus on remembering. If i don't focus on remembering I will most likely forget within a few minutes. It dosn't make you dumb. As for your friends, you don't have to mention autism to them if they don't ask. When i was diagnosed not all of my friends were understanding, but i became very close to friends that did.

Barry,
Welcome to the forum! I think your list is well written and shows a lot of genuine insight. Most of it would have applied to me at aged 18, too, apart from I couldn't have explained it so well and I didn't have the strength to admit it. Especially the last part about people misunderstanding whats going on inside and calling you lazy - that happened to me but I didn't realize I was 'operating differently'. I really took it in that I was lazy and useless. If something really grabs your interest, do you find you can easily work very hard at it?

Don't know what is is about phones, but I hate 'em too. I often switch my phone off at work 'accidently on purpose'. Well I do know what it is I don't like about phones: speaking to someone you may not know and random interruption of something you may be absorbed in. It annoys me when I'm speaking to someone face to face and their phone rings, they stop me mid-sentence and carry on a private conversation on their phone leaving me wondering what to do for 10 minutes. To me this is rude and disrespectful of the person who is in your presence, yet the NT's say WE are the rude ones ????

Barry, it may be worth at least considering getting some help. If diagnosed, you would be in a better position to start changing in a way that benefits you. Insight into what's happening to us is invaluable. And you'd have a defence to any untrue accusations - whether from others or from inside your own mind.

Oh yeah - 2 girlfriends in 1 month isn't too bad. Please don't think I'm taking you lightly, but 2 girlfriends in one month would be my wildest dream come true - I've only had 1 girlfriend in 30 years

Thanks for the input and greets, guys

Don't know much else to say really but thanks, and i really mean that!

I guess that i've been kinda muted for my whole teenage life i'm kinda speechless hehe

Good to know that people understand where i'm coming from and don't have to bottle it all up even on the Internet

I tend to have problems with this as well. I will never start a conversation (only in the presens people I am very close to, like a childhood friend, or my parents.). The only time I'll talk to others, is when they ask me something. Then I will answer yes or no, or if the person has said something that in some way gets me thinking about my spesial intrest, I will probably talk a litlle too much.




I depend on my routines. Ever since I was about eight years old, I remember preforming rituals when leaving and entering rooms. Before reaching the age of eight, I would collect stuff like rocks and go-go1s (little plastic toys) and would spend a lot of time lining them up in different ways (like after color, or after shape and so on). I am now fifteen, and also display symptoms of OCD.



I also tend to forget things rather quickly after people have asked me something. However, I have a great memory when it comes to remembering things I have read (everything that allows my brain to scan the information. sort of.) [/quote]



I hate phone conversations as well. I usually tend to say too much or too little, and always seem to screw things up as well. (oo, and I hate talking to people who are selling stuff. I always end up asking them what they have said over and over again because I'm only thinking about how nervous I am and worrying about what I'll say.)



I have never been in any sort of romantic relationship.



I feel this way as well, but I tend to feel rather relaxed around my parents and my two closest friends.



I find it very hard to express my emotions to others. I usually hold everything to myself, and tend to have meltdowns every now and then. (during my meltdowns I get very angry, and I tend to break and hit things. The smallest thing can trigger a meltdown. however, sensory issues seem to be the main trigger.)



I'm not so sensitive to loud noise, but I tend to be very sensitive to sounds that others do not seem to be able to hear (like electric devices and such. ). I'm also overly sensitive to touch.




this commenting can go on for ever. anyway, my point is that I can relate to almost everything your describing. Aspie or not – I hope you enjoy your time at wrongplanet, and I hope you find some answers.

-Alexa

Last edited by alexa232 on 17 May 2006, 6:08 am, edited 1 time in total.