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Okay sorry i just need some advice. i know i have done loads of these threads but i need to discuss this situation with you guys because really you people at wrong planet are like family to me and i think you can help me through this just with some advice.

here is the situation in a liset
According to my brother for the last 6 years i have been putting my parents through hell
repetive talking and asking questions every night after my parents finish work becuase i get nervous about things
my brother said to me tonight if my parents die he will come after me
my mother has gotten ill through my behaviour
i never really use violence against my parents, well maybe a few times but its once in a blue moon occurence
when i do try and ask a question to my parents there usually hostile to me and start shouting at me
my younger 18 year old brother used physical violence agianst me tonight becuase of my behaviour (i pushed my mother)
my brother said that i reversed back to a child like state and got really horrible once i turned 17


My brother says i am the devil and that i am evil. i do not know what to do becuase i was in tears earlier.

Sometimes i just cannot see how badly i behave

I advise you not to use violence on anyone ever.

i shoved my mother 2 times. i guess i got wat i deserved

If I had a 21-year-old offspring who was violent to me, they wouldn't be in a position of being able to pester me every night after work. In other words, they would not be living in my home; possibly they would not even be welcome to visit (depending on the circumstances).

These are not hypothetical offspring ~ I'm referring to the ones I have, the ones I love with all my heart, my favorite people in the world. Two young adults and a preteen. And although things have gotten pretty heated around here at times over the years (i.e. we have had an extremely stressful and dramatic life so far, mainly because I'm the one in charge ) not one of my children has ever hit or "shoved" me. Not even tried to. Not even threatened to. They simply wouldn't do that.

But if they did, they wouldn't be welcome here.



Do not hit or shove your parents. That's not what we do here.

I'm not sure what you mean by using the ~ ~ smiley? But do not allow yourself to minimize this issue with the excuse that you only "shoved them twice" or whatever... once you have crossed the line toward physical violence, it is never as strong a line as it was before. Every time you cross it, it gets weaker. The fact that you are still living in their home (and badgering them when they come home from work) looks to me like a big red flag. The fact that they allow you to be there, for whatever reason, is another red flag.

In the US, you have already broken the law. Where I live, your parents could have gotten an order of protection against you and had you removed from their home over the first shoving incident; they could have had you charged with a crime. And they probably still could. But that's not the point.

The point is: Do you really want to lose your integrity by being "that person" ~ the person who knows s/he is annoying, even infuriating someone, yet continues to go after them ~ by being the one who, for whatever reason, physically hurts other people ~ parents, no less? I'm not asking if you want to be known as that person. Are you willing to BE that person?

If you can't help yourself from behaving aggressively to others, it is your responsibility as a human being to fix the problem. Not having read your other posts, I don't know what your situation is in particular. . . ~ ~ ~

However, it seems clear to me that you need to get yourself out of their home and into a different living situation ~ despite whatever obstacles there may be to prevent that action. Living with your parents and brother is not working well for you at this time.

Also, I think pharmaceutical assistance could be at least a short-term solution. Get a psychiatrist, or your GP, to prescribe some medication that will nullify your tendency to strike out. I'm not a fan of drugs & pharmaceutical companies (although I currently take 3 or 4 prescriptions a day) but I would say in your case, it's definitely called for.

I can think of a couple of medications I could take if I was consumed by anger or a compulsion to attack, that would completely turn the situation around, but I won't say what they are because it's not relevant to anyone else really. Just that probably there is something out there that you could take, to make it easier to lose the behavior that needs to be eliminated. Once you've broken the violent inclination/habit (via stomping it down with pills) you may find the space within yourself to decide who you want to be, and find ways to harness your behavior to stay more or less on the path to becoming that person.

First step, and this one is the emergency: make the commitment to yourself that you will keep your hands, feet, and other body parts OFF your parents, no matter what.

Worry comes from a fear of losing something we already have or of not getting something we might want or need, and we can get past at least some of our worries simply by trusting those people who actually do provide for us. So, you might try making a list of your specific questions about things and then taking a careful look at whether or not your "repetitive talking and asking questions" is actually doing any good for anyone, including yourself. I would guess it is not ... and that leaves you in a spot of simply learning to trust other people (such as your parents) who actually are trustworthy.


Others have already addressed this fairly well, but I would add the thought that you should be grateful your brother left you conscious. I have three younger brothers, and I cannot imagine any one of them not trying to beat me to a pulp if I had ever committed any violence against our mother.


Ask for and accept whatever help you need to get that under control or you will eventually end up behind bars, if still alive.

You deserved a good bit more than a shove if my brother had shoved my mom I would probably have put him in the hospital. I understand being angry at your parents but if its getting to the point of violence bro you need to move out.

I too have this problem.
I have been arrested numerous times for aggression, so I can relate.
I found that leaving my family home was the best way to compensate for this.
Sometimes it's hard to control basic emotions even for an NT.
But for an AS person; sensory sensitivity problems mixed with lack of TOM results in meltdowns.

It's a confusing world. :o)

I think I must lack a conciouss? I could probably stand a good chance in a fight against my brother but i knew if i attacked him back last night the whole situation would turn into a blood fest and one of us would end up being in hospital or getting killed.

I must not know the difference between right and wrong? Sure if i punched my mother hard then i would deserve a violent beating but i know a guy who is a genuine good person and a few years ago when he was 19 he pushed his mother.

I think sometimes people just set too strict rules on how to behave.

That said though my farhter lied to my brother and said "I punched" my mother when i only pushed her.

I don;t get it just a push? I lashed out becasuse of fustration and i am only human we all have emotions and breaking points and i had a bad day yesterday.

utherdoule i think that is over the top saying you wold put your brother in the hospital just because of a shove and it would make you no better than your brother speaking hypothetically. If you have that attitude you better be ready to face jail time for your actions and no offense but you sound very immature and neanderthal like. Grow up.

You should just go for a walk before you get to the point you want to hit someone. If you leave, you will cool down in time, and can think more clearly about everything.

Are you taking any of the advice you receive?

What kind of "questions?" What does a conversation sound like? What do you mean that you "get nervous about things?"

This sounds HORRIBLE.

Why does violence come into these scenes? What do you really want from your parents?

What does this really mean? What would a question of yours sound like?

Pushing your mother is WRONG. You don't seem to be able to understand this!?
You are acting perhaps like a child... but you are a grown man. Most children never push their mothers however, and when they do they are punished.
You are scaring the Hell out of your whole family. Do you think it is their responsibility to do something about YOU and YOUR behavior, or is it your obligation to get help for yourself and stop terrorizing them?

Is this an excuse? It sounds as though your behavior has been going on for years, and it is escalating.

I am just bitter about a few things like not being as tall as i would like to be since i am 5ft10.

my parents are hostile to me becuase i ask the same questions on most nights. i usually only want to talk to my parents about my problems for 10 minutes. But it usually turns into three hours of shouting. i just want to compulsivly ask them questions because i got worried about things and some things really eat me up inside.

basiclly i just want my family to saught my life out for me and from my point of view its like they do not give a crap about my life.

You must be joking?

What are the specific problems that you want to talk about? What exactly do you say?

What is eating you up so? What do you think your parents can do for you?

How can your parents sort out your life? To me it sounds as if you are making their lives miserable. You are pushing your mother. You have made her sick. This disharmony has been going on for years... and your brother has hit you... and he thinks your parents LIVES are in danger. It's hard to care about someone who is making you sick, pushing you, arguing for HOURS, and thinks everything is about HIM.

well yes you make a very good point. i forgot what i have done somtimes. To be frank i think this has been going on for 10 years now. i remmember back in 2001 as an 11 year old my behaviour would make my mother cry. When i was 11 i remember the death of my grandmother back in 1997 haunted me. In fact only a few months after her death when he i was 7 for the first time in my life i started behaving horribly at school but not so much at home. could this be a throwback to when i was a kid? i do seem to have a habit of going through these terrible behavior patterns. the happiest i have ever felt was when the ages of 10, 13, 16, 17 and 18.

i think this is what a decade of bad behaviour will do and YES know that i think about it i am not suprised my parents feel this way but at the same time i don't think my parents realise how hard my life is as well.

Is it too late to change to reverse the damage done?

Last edited by Jamesy on 27 Jan 2011, 7:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Can you give an example of the questions you ask them every night?

i might ask them something like "I am only 5ft10 can i grow taller?" I also ask sometimes "Will i ever grow taller". I have been having an obssesion and preocupation with my height since the age of 13 when i was going through a growth spurt and the obssesion reached a breaking point at the age of 16. now at 21 though height does not bug as much as it used to but i do get very annoyed when being surrounded by taller people it kinda makes me feel bad. also my height is causing me problems becuase my brother is nearly 6ft1 so its like he bullys me and dominates becuase of the height gap and if i was 6ft4 i would be the one bullying him and having control in my enviorment. its just an inconveniance.

maybe i should go back to the gym. my parents have been saying things to me like "the moment you left the gymnasium you turned into a monster". I think perhaps i should do more exercise and get fresh air if i want to get rid of agression. i found the gym would be a good solution for getting rid of my agressive behaviour.

You approach your parents nightly and ask them if you will get taller. Has this been going on for years? After you ask, what reaction do your parents have? Do they immediately get annoyed? Do they say, "not this question again!"


Gyms are a great place to get some exercise and a wonderful excuse to get out of the house for a while.