An Aspies Ego

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An example, let's say a certain aspie had an ego that wouldn't allow them to be wrong, or they just couldn't see or want to see the truth...
How do we deal with such people? I brought up aspies because communication skills are problematic for us.
Are there any methods you know that can help a situation like this?


Disclaimer: I am not saying all aspies have ego's or have to be right. I aslo acknowledge that NT's and others too can have this problem.

See you are doing better. Part of the problem with your earlier topics, I think, was the wording you chose to use.

Anyway, I used to have an enormous ego, and thought I was always right. I would get very upset if someone attempted to correct me, even though I corrected people constantly, and if actually proven wrong I would change the subject and be quite pissed.

I think that is a part of youth too though. Regardless, with time I mellowed, and realized I was not ALWAYS right, though I often am. If corrected on something, I'm still not always thrilled about it, but try to look at it as a learning experience.

Besides that I learned not to correct people on topics unless I was completely sure I knew what I was talking about, and wasn't just "talking out of my ass," or making an assumption.

As to what can be done to help people with AS who have a large ego, I'm not entirely sure, but this is an interesting topic nonetheless.

I've had to deal with NTs like that as an aspie. The best thing to do is just to subtly convince them that they're wrong without them having to admit it. The more you tell them that they're wrong, the more entrenched they get in defending themselves even if they know the truth. They will defend themselves if they are told they're wrong, so you have to give them plausible deniability--like a way out--so that they'll drop the subject and move on.

Personally, I dislike people with this "passive-aggressive personality disorder". I avoid them whenever I can, but sometimes I am forced to work with them in groups on projects. It's very difficult to reconcile the need to do well and make progress on the project while still appeasing these people. Often they want to have full control over the whole project, but when they're doing something wrong and your grade is at stake, you have to kind of hint to them the solution so that they can claim the big discovery for themselves and feel better. If they see you as the one solving the problems, especially in front of others, they'll start to obstruct you and your progress on the project.

will you stroke my ego ?

Unusual question.....I do know what you are refering to. However, we don't necessarily have a big ego. For ex: I am really unconfident, on a personal level. Maybe you more specifically mean that we can be tenacious. Although I lack confidence, I do know what is factually correct, such as a phenomenon or concept. When another expresses this erroneously or operates by assumption, I can jump! It's a computational error and I will counter, if necessary. Although we may very well be right, maybe not too diplomatic in the process.

Can be difficult for me to understand why any given NT candy-coats an issue or, even worse, lies. In essence, this is how strongly we feel about being right and truthful. For me, to witness another mislead, especially if purposeful, I cringe at the thought error.

< OK, pause for moment.....still laughing at Seanmw's comment! Just too funny! >

I wonder how NTs regard us in this way. Or maybe I don't want to know.

Ironic you'd ask - - I've had a ROUGH day and cried for most all day. I went for a LONG walk and even found a place outside where I could curl-up and cry outside. I fell asleep outside, still crying. I have a tremendously hard time understanding how/why NTs can justify to themselves about lying. I am sensitive, and far more than any NT I've encountered. Why can they disregard this fact?

Are there any NTs that can answer? Still cannot stop crying.

((((((((((LabPet)))))))))) so sorry you had a rough day.

I agree that tenacious is probably the better word for how those with AS stick with their positions. While I have noticed that some AS also have big egos, others have the near opposite, but most remain tenacious. Ego seems more like a personality trait than an AS thing.

As for why some NT's think it is OK to lie ... I would have to know more about the situation to get at it this time around, but in general: for some it is a survival thing, and others just don't think it's a big deal, and others may have retained the childish trait of believing you can change reality by stating the truth as you wish it to be instead of as it is. I know people who fall into all of those categories. Long run, NT's kind of figure out who will lie and who won't, and adjust how they behave with people accordingly.

Will no one stroke my raging ego =D?!?!?!

I know someone like this, who always has to be right and if you do not agree with me I will ignore you and stop talking to you!! !

Though, to be fair, I think said person has gotten better recently.

But, anyway, I'm a bit like that too, but not as extreme these days. But I remember when I was younger, if someone told me I was wrong, then I wouldn't accept it, they were wrong and I was right always.

Eventually I grew out of it and it's nowhere near as bad as it once was, now.

As for other people who are still like this, I'd suggest avoiding arguments with them, and if they say they're right on something just let it drop right there and move on.

This is great information. Thanks. I'm going to share this at my next aspirations meeting (aspie group where I live).

Thank you guys

The problem isn't with people wanting to be right....All should wish to be.

That isn't the problem most people have...most merely wish to go along to get along. They pick PC over substance. They think that everyone has a RIGHT to their opinion. NO...no one has the RIGHT to be wrong. Correct Premise...Correct reasoning...Correct conclusion derived directly from that reasoning...These are what matter.

Being able to correctly see what the problem is....Being able to find the most efficient, and so, effective means of correction....Being able to apply the correction at the highest sustainable rate to ensure the highest rate of change...These are what matter.

Most people cannot admit when they are wrong, because of THEIR egos. The old standby is, "Everyone has a right to their opinion", as if that were an automatic pass to never have to change.

People think that getting along and not pissing people off is somehow admirable....That is group think borne of cowardice. It is more than counter productive - it is an attempt to shut out reason, to censure through societal pressures, in order to gain political power in the group. The real danger then becomes the application of any number of fallacies of logic to stir and manipulate the masses to try to win by majority (another fallacy).

That is why we are not a democracy..no matter how often the media try to impress that as a fact. We are a Federalist Republic - a representative government. One that can react far more quickly and is not supposed to make decisions by how the people feel, but through Objective Reasoning. Seeing and applying appropriate goals that do the most good for the whole for the long term...buffered by correct morals (not necessarily religious ones). People do stupid actions because of stupid ideas, as if opinions carry any validity in of itself. If any opinion is as valid as the next....there is no such thing as right or wrong....and anything goes. That is the definition of willful stupidity.

I feel passionately about this because my wife frequently tries to weasel out of arguments by saying I always have to be right....What else is there? Forgo facts for opinion?

It is every thinking person's sacred duty to ensure right prevails. That is how wrong is corrected. That is how progress is to be made. That is how justice prevails. That is how evil loses to goodness. Knowing the difference between right and wrong is THE basis for all morals...that which apply to all, and for the long term over the short. Anything else is pure stupidity...and no..that is not my opinion