How to bring up AS to family when undiagnosed

Post Reply New Topic

When I first suspected I had AS, I figured it didn't matter whether I got diagnosed or not. But I've been realizing how much this could have been affecting my life and how it could explain the problems I've had throughout my life, and even now with my trouble getting a job. I think they think I'm just lazy, since they don't know how hard it is for me to talk to people and how freaked out I get by the the thought of getting a job where I would have to deal with these things.

So I was wondering how to bring up and explain AS to my Grandma in a way that she will understand it and agree to help me find a doctor for a diagnosis. The problem is that my cousin is Autistic, but is lower on the spectrum than AS is, so when she hears that AS is on the spectrum she might compare me with my cousin, which obviously would mislead her.

Help would be appreciated. Thanks.

I'm in a similar situation. I am yet undiagnosed and although I am slowly job-hunting, I feel like I'm applying for a prison sentence rather than employment. I'm often described as under-confident, eccentric etc. I also can seem slow and lazy, taking a long time to think about things and 'recover' after a social effort, such as an interview.

I guess that once your Grandma associates what you're talking about with her knowledge of autism gained from your cousin, it might be hard get her thinking differently. Perhaps start with how the spectrum involves very different levels of severity and how personal variation makes for some big differences too. Explain which similarities and differences there are between classic autism and AS. Maybe say that AS is based in autism, but is less severe and describe the ways it affects you.

I don't know what she will think of your suspicions of AS. Maybe she'll agree, maybe she'll be indifferent or disagree. I'd like to help more, but that's all I can think of.

Maybe it would be better to explain your "symptoms" without using the label "autism". I had an odd conversation with a friend of mine, I suspect he is an aspie and he started talking about how people have different levels of emotional intelligence. That enabled us to explain how we see things to each other without using the label of AS. We explained our experiences and how we deal with things.

I have been thinking about how to talk to my doctor about the possiblity that I have AS and as I'm not good at explaining anything face to face I have been collecting information off the internet about AS and highlighting the parts which apply to me, so that I can give it to him to help our discussion. I don't know if putting together something similar for your Grandmother might help.

I would say, "Grandma, I've been reading some things about Autism, and learned there are very mild forms of it that sound like me. I think it might explain why I have some of the problems I have."

Before you do this though, look for some good pages on the internet you can print out for her to read. Look for ones that describe YOU. Or, if she's computer savvy, show her the web sights.

Tell her you want to see somebody about it.

Don't worry that she might compare you with your cousin. It doesn't matter if you use the work Autism now or later. Sooner or later you will have to use it, and she and others WILL compare you. It's part of the process. Better to get that part going ASAP than wait until later. If all you do is describe your symptoms and traits, and never mention Autism, if all they know about Autism is your cousin, they are all very likely NOT to make any connection between the two. Bring it up now.

Also, it would probably be a good idea to go talk to your cousin's parents. More then likely, if they have known of your cousin's Autism for any length of time, they are probably already aware there are high functioning Autistics. They may even see some of the traits in you, and can probably offer you some advice on where to begin, and how.