I suspect a child I watch has a form of Autism...

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I suspect a child I watch has a form of Autism or even possibly AS. He doesn't make eye contact, very particular about textures especially with food. If he's over stimulated (or with big groups of people) he gets very aggressive, very emotional or REALLY hyper. He's very sensitive and slightly immature. He is obsessed with dinosaurs and can tell you anything you want to know about them in great detail. He knows them all by name, sight, characteristic EVERYTHING. The vocabulary he uses to describe anything about them makes him sound like an expert. He cries if he gets wet or dirty in any way. He's not very coordinated, for example he cannot open a car door, unbuckle his seat belt, put on socks, button a shirt, etc. He just learned a few months ago how to dress him self, but he still struggles (a lot) with it. Granted he is only 4 and kids all develop at their own pace, but these are all things most kids learn to do by age 2 or 3. I've had him for almost 1 1/2 year and he is a real sweat heart, but I'm very certain there is something wrong.

Here's my problem. I watch my ex-husbands son. We have a daughter together and are both re-married. His son and my daughter are only a few months apart and are friends. How do I approach the conversation with them about this? I don't want to cause a fight and I don't want them to think I'm making an issue out of nothing. I genuinely feel there is a problem. I love this little guy like my own and I want him to have every advantage. thank you for your input.

Repost this in the Parenting section. You will get better answers, they deal with this kind of thing.

It's a sticky situation. But I think if you emphasize that you want the child to learn what he needs to grow up well--rather than simply letting them assume you're into sticking him with some sort of ominous "label"--then you might get further. For example, mention how he has trouble with motor skills, and how an OT might help him with it; or how his hypersensitivity may be causing him stress and may be something that can be worked with; or how he has trouble with back-and-forth conversations and making friends. Many children need early help; you're getting him the education he needs, not consigning him to some kind of special ed scrap heap.

Maybe provide them with some written information on Aspergers, describe what you've noticed and suggest they look into it with a doctor? I have seen a situation like this go bad...people can become offended that you think there is something "wrong" with their child, meanwhile you are just concerned that the child get the best support possible. Soften it with some positives, you've already listed some here. I think the main thing to express is that you genuinely like their child (which you've already commented on in your post) and that you want the best for him.

Best of luck!

I think my nephew has Asperger's, and thought so, and said so, before he even went to nursery school. I am even more convinced now that he is 16. But his parents do not appear to notice anything different about him, and do not appear to have noticed my (or my wife's) attempts to bring up the subject - and I am not noted for subtlety and tact (I think "have you considered having X assessed for autism" is subtle for "X is autistic"). I think his parents are actually acutely aware of his differences and firmly believe that addressing them is stigmatizing, but they have never said so because it is a closed discussion.

I certainly think you should raise the subject, in a factual way (forget the subtlety), with some examples of how early recognition and intervention can help a child's development and subsequent coping. Be prepared for your suggestion to be ignored or rejected.

i'd agree this was a question for the parents' forum, except that i believe it's far more important what's good for the child than what the parents want to hear. and if you were to ask aspies if they wish they had known earlier (who were diagnosed in adulthood) i bet you would get an almost unanimous yes.

if it were me i'd say something. and it's not something "wrong" but something different, and important that you acknowledge that. AS has its assets.

Exactly. It is a little like (but more serious than) not noticing that a child is left-handed, and teaching him to write and manipulate objects like right-handed people do. If you teach him that way, not only will he continue to be clumsy with his right hand, he'll never properly learn to use his left. Similarly, AS children need a different style of education from their typical peers; and refusing it to them doesn't just mean they won't learn what they need; it also denies them the resources to use their strengths.