One of those days.

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5:45 am - I wake up and stim in bed for an hour while thoughts run through my mind.

7:00 am - I'm up and in the shower

7:30 am - On the net for two 1/2 hours

10:00 am - I'm in the process of recording as many episodes of supper sloppy double dare as I can before the nick games and sports channel pulls it all together. It currently airs each morning and afternoon during a block of programming called "pumping gas". Since I have acess to the TV in morning now that mom is working again, I can do this. However, my computer is no where near the TV upstairs so I have to record it on VHS, take it downstairs, record it onto my computer into AVI format, use adobe premier to cut out the commericals and do anything else that I might want to do, and then encode it into windows media format for eventual storage onto a CD-R.

Anyways, thats my routine for that. But I have to go talk to my boss about work, and I need to do it before he heads out to lunch at noon. Routine however dictates that I need to get the above done and saving to windows media format before I head out.

So with that in mind, I take until 11:40 to have it where I want it and I have to rush into town to talk to my boss before noon. I could have put it off, but then I would have felt like monk when he see's something that's not lined up properly.

11:55 am - I get to work and talk to my boss just as he's about to head off and take of the buisness that I had to do. Now I decide that lunch is in order.

Of course I should know better than to head off to lunch at noon, that's when everyone else heads off to lunch. I could stop at mcdonalds for lunch, there drive through is a well oiled machine, capable of moving swiftly through even the longest lines, but I'm not in the mood for it so I figure I'd try taco bell, nope, long line there.

Maybe I could go to cousins subs.... Yea that'll work. I get there and have some a%@hole steal my parking spot I was trying to back into. So I was cursing over that as I found another spot and went inside.

The place was packed, people were milling about in random fashion. I have no idea where the line even is, and worse, people were piling in behind me. I don't dare try and find the back of the line. NT's handle this with ease, but I was lost and no where to be found. I *should* know what to do, after all, an NT would be able to, but if I error and piss someone off, I can't very well say "Sorry I didn't know that, it's because I have aspergers syndrome", that would only exaserbate the situation

My mind felt like it had preformed an illegal instruction, I decided to leave as I have no real patients for lines to begin with. Head across to the grocrey store and hit the salad bar... But darn it, they got new salad dressings. My marzetties french dressing has been replaced with some yellow looking stuff.

I make my salad, and pour this yellow looking stuff on it, I should never have done that. Of course at the time it didn't occur to me, but I could have bought my own bottle of salad dressing, but in the heat of the moment, these things don't come to mind.

So I get home and dig into my salad. This yellow dressing is the most disgusting and vile thing I've ever tasted. So much so that I'm gagging the whole way through.

And now my dad is doing work outside, it involves a hammer against the side of our house. The sound echos through out the house. Our dogs bark in unison with it.

And I feel like shooting myself.

Anyone relate?

Yeah, I can relate. This weekend I went to the Farmers Market which is usually a good experience which I look forward to. My senses must have been too alert, though because nothing was where is usually is (which is disturbing in itself) and the smells were repulsive. Usually, I get a whiff of baking breads and kettle corn but Saturday those smells were replaced with the smell of sweating bodies, a soiled diaper and people that were way too close to my "personal space" which always unnerves me.

Today, at work the workload is double (because of a three day weekend) and that makes me wonder if the extra day off is worth the confusion and craziness.

To top it off, while online, I stumbled over to a crummy website http://66.221.49.64/autismfacts/index.html
it basically calls folks like us liars for stating we are autistic and said some pretty hate-filled things about us and our wish not to be cured - this comes very close to ruining my day, but no, I won't give them the satisfaction!

Hope things go better for you, Scoots5012 - I intend to Listen to some really loud music (when I get home) and stim like my life depends on it

After reading the above mentioned webpages, I was compelled to send them the following email:

What an unmitigated bunch of crap this website is. The enormous and damaging inaccuracies on this site make it an unbelievable waste of web space.

Those who have contributed to this freakishly narrow diatribe obviously have extremely limited understanding and exposure to what Autism truly is; a grouping of psychological characteristics variant to neurologically typical behavior—NOT A DISEASE! While Autism may not fit your criteria to be deemed a culture, to define it as a disease is a misnomer of an infinitesimally greater magnitude.

It really ticked me off!

I'm sorry, oatwillie for bringing up that worthless site but they ticked me off, too. You see, I really believe these people are desparate to believe that Autism is a Disease - so badly that they won't even listen to the scientific evidence that is coming out daily to state that this is not the case!

There was a time in history that I would have been thought of as evil or maybe even possessed because I use my left hand instead of my right hand. As silly as this sounds now in these informed and better educated times, I believe someday it will seem laughable that people once thought of Autistic people as Diseased.

Oatwillie, all we can do is continue to educate the ones that still will listen to reason and are intelligent enough not to close their mind with thoughts of bigotry and wishes to rid the world of neurodiversity.

Thanks, Monastic. I am feeling less volatile now.

i get by this by going to people and saying "Hi, I got a really stupid question:"
or "May i waste your time for a moment please?"
or "I'm afraid and bewildered, explain this situation to me."

okay....make that gargantuan magnitude. Thanks! (it was in haste I slung my arrows of outrageous pissedoffedness)