Refrigerator mothers - cbt

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I have started some cbt today with a psychotherapist, I haven't mentioned my ADD-I diagnosis or my suspicion of aspergers, in some way I want to keep an open mind..

I have brought up my long term anxiety and social issues, and went into some depth gone into mental noise issues and detachment.. School bullying and so on. She has come up with a bit of a theory and I wonder what you make of this..

My parents separated when I was around 2 years old, I have not seen my biological mother since. The theory given by the therapist is that all my issues stem from infant anxiety and a fear of attaching to anyone else in case they leave.. I kind of went along with it for the session, but on reflection i'm feeling sceptical, could "pseudo" aspergers really stem from this experience? Social isolation as a coping mechanism?

I understand that CBT is really about re-programming and really the therapist needs a starting point to work from. Trouble is that I can't readily accept it..

Thoughts?

Thanks

Jason

The mother is present, it's her fault. The mother is not present, it's still her fault. Why is the psychological field always so quick to blame things on mothers?

The only time the father is ever implicated is when a woman has a history of bad romantic relationships.

Did you even give her any reason to implicate your mother?

Some people are just naturally anxious. What is so bad about accepting that theory? Perhaps your anxieties in social situations is just inherent? After all, humans are social beings and social beings have social hierarchies. Some people will be natural leaders, outgoing and likable. Secure and un-phased by concerns about what others think of them, and some will be natural epsilons. The people who get pushed to the bottom of the pack because they lack the graces of the alphas and know it, and because of this they have social anxiety. They avoid social situations because they do actually pose some degree of threat to them.

What does she think of that theory?

You might want to check out attachment disorder and attachment styles, and see what you think.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults

100% of the population has/had a mother, a good place to start when cold reading I guess

She just asked some basic questions about my family and jumped right in with that.. As I mentioned that first perhaps she thought I had some preoccupation with it., I only answered her question though starting from the beginning.. It's quite hard not to mention it when you have a complicated family..

Jason

Sounds like the therapist is thinking "attachment disorder." You could read up on that and see if it seems plausible to you.

Though, I'd add that it's probably good to remember that psychiatry/psychology is not a mathematically perfect and consistent system. I.e. having one thing does not necessarily mean not also having another, and differentiating between 2 things may be difficult or impossible (or the equivalent of reading tea-leaves).

I had a wonderful mother, and I wound up Aspergic and anxious. Only way she could have been implicated in my anxiety would be by being overprotective, and not as heavy-handed with that, as some.

Thanks for the link.. Fascinating, I can see how she got there with that.. I will read up some more tomorrow.

Jason

Just make sure she's aware that autism spectrum disorders are part of the differential diagnosis for attachment disorders. They can be quite difficult to tell apart, especially if she is well-trained on one but not the other.

Thank you, I have been reading the DSM-V proposed revisions for RAD, part C explicitly requires a rule-out of ASD (and only ASD). I can safely rule out disinhibited.. That's never been an issue.

I know my father and my gran looked after me well, the only grain of doubt is that the reason why my parents separated and my father (unusual 30 years ago) got custody was due to my mothers lack of care. (probably post natal depression)

There seems to be very little info on impact of RAD on peer relationships or life long issues. It's also pretty hard to accept RAD there is blame and no positive spin at all.

There are however quite Identifiable ASD traits in my family, gran, father, sister and brother. Some early concerns are now being raised about my nephew, but early days with that one.
My sister and brother did not have the early year experiences that I did, polar opposite. Nice secure, upbringing with committed full-time parents. (father and stepmother had a home based care business).

I definitely undertake a lot of repetitive behaviours and stims, have my strong special interests (computing, sudoku) and a certainly elevated iq. Socially I get by, one on one I do make friends and connections.. Groups (even groups of friends / family) are an issue though.. I do have some sensitivities ( although manageable )... Eye contact problems, monotone voice, interruptions.. Etc.

This will be a tough nut to crack, particularly with my fathers vague memory about my childhood and my gran is no longer with us... I'll definitely have to raise this with the therapist, I need to know.

Funny how I was reasonably happy with a self-dx for ASD a few weeks ago, but addressing anxiety/work stress with a therapist has changed that.

Ok headache back, time to find a dumb movie..

Thanks all, any further info on RAD appreciated.

Jason

Does anyone know if stimming or special interests are associated with RAD (inhibited)?

I have been on a 3-4 day research binge and that is all I can identify as a possible diagnostic difference between attachment and aspergers.

Jason

One thing I often wonder about with these theories is how can one distinguish between, for example:

1. Mother is somewhat aloof towards her child and because of this child grows up to be somewhat aloof in his/her relationships

2. Mother is somewhat aloof towards her child, child is also somewhat aloof in his/her relationships because they share similar genetic personality traits

or even

3. Child has genetic traits towards aloofness, mother picks up on this and as a result is somewhat aloof towards her child (because she believes this is what the child wants?)

I am not talking about abuse/neglect here or a mother who is completely cold and unfeeling, but rather a parenting style from a loving mother.

Do you have sensory issues, with certain textures and sounds?

If so, then her argument falls apart, as missing your mother or whatever has zero chance of causing that.

Yes, not severe, but present. I can't ignore a ringing phone (even to pick up and slam down again), I have to switch off the fish tank pump, wii and anything similar. Fans and other similar things. Concentration is shot and I cant communicate as well. I hear and notice these things, such as our cats very quiet meow at the opposite end of the house in the middle of the night.

Although I can tolerate it, I have always been sensitive to sunlight (which resulted in an opticians appointment for squinting) shopping has always been slightly problematic, with the combination of bright lights and lots of people. I have learned to work around the shopping problem, I do the weekly shop on my own, but I might be the fastest food shopper on the planet.

I could never stand the feeling of sand and certain woollen materials (hairy jumpers), being hot etc. i gave up horses due to my absolute hate of wet sleaves. I tended to wear shorts all weather and I have been known to wear t-shirts in winter in places like Norway.

Tastes, brown sugar (dreaded gypsy tart), cinnamon, marmite and so on (despite eating these foods when I was a baby), real problems with meat when I was 5-7. Hated bits in things such as fruit yoghurt. Orange juice, shellfish and so on. Strong smells and bits really. I have grown out of most of these except brown sugar and cinnamon, etc.

Although I take your point and I have plenty of genuine examples of sensory issues, these do not form part of the official diagnosis of ASD either. The literature on RAD mentions that sensory integration disorders are common secondary conditions.

The only symptons I haven't found in the RAD diagnosis and literature are the excessive interests and stimming / repetitive behaviours. These do exist in ADHD in attentive which is pretty interesting. The more I read the more I become convinced that ADHD-I, rad and aspergers are pretty much the same condition (or so close the odds of misdiagnosis are high) yet ADHD and disinhibited/chaotic attachment are very very different.

I'll carry in with my obsessive interest, I might surprise myself and actually discuss this with the therapist on Thursday

Jason

Ok.. Had a good chat today and I explained how RAD didn't seem right, I suggested aspergers and she operetta much accepted that.. - she is private, so it's not going to lead anywhere btw. - I explained that I'm a bit of a reader and I had a pretty persistent stress headache after our last session.. She apologised saying she perhaps went a bit too fast..

We worked on some workplace people strategies which was pretty beneficial. I think I passed the aspie test at the end, she offered me her hand at the end of the session and I just looked at it for a while, then said oh right you want to shake hands.. I think she was testing me too.

She is challenging me to try to "feel" rather than think more, but I've no idea how too do that, oh well..

Jason