I fear I might become racist against NT's...

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I don't really know how to explain this to you...

It seems that I'm starting to get a feeling of hate and superiority toward Neurotypical people. I have read many things writed by so called "experts" NT's who are very insulting and false to autistics and Aspies. Many openly called me "ret*d" and said me very offensive things that will forever affect me, almost everyone in this f***ed up humanity never understood me and treated me like a mentally crippled or like a second-class citizen.And it seems each of these times,it fueled some kind of rage,some kind of anger against the whole NT kind.I feel like they are the mentally ret*d,not us,they are the one who have social problems (being so mean,not being able to understand the principle of diversity and tolerance,the drive of socialising that is as important and powerful as the need to breath or the drive to reproduce,the need to force other people to be "normal",etc...),they are the one who lack empathy!I was one in a restaurant once,and one of the waiter dropped all his trays (not sure on the spelling of this one),I wanted to help him,but my mom (an NT) didn't wanted me to do so because "we add bad service from the kid".It also seem that everytime a guy get an hearth attack in the street and no one help him,it is NT's who didn't helped the guy,and then we don't have any empathy?!?!Who is mentally disabled in the two?Plus,my parents and my brother never understood how I felt,they alway assumed I was like an NT,with the feelings and the needs of an NT,even when fully aware of my condition.They alway reacted with anger or ridiculised me when I tried to talk about my Asperger-related issue.This add led me to slowly stoping identifying with my famil,slowly stoping to love them and to enjoy the time with them,for I felt like I wasn't related to them in any way.But I'm afraid that this feeling might turn me into a racist,a monster.We fight hard for the NT's to respect us,we should respect and tolerate them too right?I don't want to turn into what I always hated, a nazi, a monster, a racist. I am tolerant by nature,yet I feel slowly a dragon named hate consumming me from the inside,like if it was fed by the very hate of the NT's.It's ironic,by feeling superior toward NT's, I am slowly beginning to turn into one of them,an intolerant jerk (some NT's are nice people,but the ratio of as*hole NT versus cool NT's I met tend to be very unbalanced and you can guess on wich side).Please help me to get out of this dementia,I am slowly becoming crazy...

The way I look at it, things like ADHD, AD, autism, etc. belong to a specific segment of the population.

Jerk-ism, unfortunately, is universal and it respects no boundaries.

I think this cartoon makes the point quite well...notice that "Jerks" come out of a separate jar than all the ethnic groups and so on.

http://tammyvwp.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/farside.jpg

I'm not trying to be flip with that cartoon. For me, it really is the best visual reminder I've ever seen, that jerk-ism is a human phenomenon, not a single group phenomenon.

Also, being something of a half-breed (not truly NT and not entirely NOT NT, either), unfortunately I have no way but to be insulted no matter whether NTs or neurodiverse people are being flamed. It's going to hit no matter what, and that's another good reminder for me that I had better not start flaming, because no matter WHAT direction I turn it, I really WILL have four fingers pointing right back at myself.

Hi,

I just wanted to say that I understand your feelings of anger perfectly well, and share them to some degree (depending on who I interact with on a given day !) I think many of us need to allow ourselves to protect ourselves from noxious personalities. That doesn't mean we go out of our way to wish/do them harm --- but it does mean that we can brace ourselves to feel intolerance when we anticipate it. And avoid the people whom we suspect will give it to us.

I say this as someone who naively walks into every social interaction with an open heart on my sleeve. I don't want to give up my loving nature, but if I'm to survive, I need to give myself the right to protect that nature.

Dan

You make some really good points.

And I agree with you that many people are "crippled" in terms of their ability to empathize with and be compassionate towards others, especially people who are different from the norm.

However, you are right. Even though it's hard, it's important that you don't lose your own ability to be tolerant and accepting of people who live with a different state of consciousness than you.

I get angry for the same reasons, but that anger doesn't do any good for me or anyone else. Buddhist philosophy has really helped me tremendously with this. I still have a LOT of ANGER when I see people being mean-spirited, selfish and rude, but I understand that this has a cause.

The person I'm observing and judging may not have the capacity for more for various possible reasons, or perhaps this is just a moment and they are in pain and don't usually behave this way.... I also reflect on the times when I acted out of ignorance to remember that I have growing to do myself and it helps me be more compassionate with the offender.

Anger will only make you feel unhappy, depressed, and cloud your view of reality. In the long run, it's only harmful. Still, it's natural. It's just part of being human but you can work on it.

I'm sorry that you didn't have a supportive family--in my own experience that has been a huge contributor to inner rage.

It sounds like you could use some therapy to help you heal the neglect and harm you experienced within your family. If that appeals to you I think it could help you a lot. It helped me so much, when I could find a therapist that I trusted and respected who trusted and respected me.

Last edited by tenzinsmom on 07 Jul 2010, 11:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

While I certainly understand where you're coming from, don't let the whole situation destroy you on the inside.

I have good news for you in fact: several things you mentioned are things I keep trying to explain to this community as well; you're definitely closer to the right path than you may think my good man.

However, don't let your anger consume you; it isn't worth it.

NTs will be NTs, and they will do what they have always done throughout history....it's nothing that should rack your brain day and night over.

You may indeed want to speak to a counselor if you think it really goes beyond that.

The best thing you can do is learn to be the best you that you can possibly be, stop worrying about what they think of you and all that...cause in the end it really doesn't matter.

Be the best you that you can be, and learn to work around much of the social nonsense you yourself experience. It can be done! I do it all the time.

No, don't go being "racist" against them or anything--you're better than that. Be the better person; it may not seem like it's worth it now, but in time you'll respect yourself a lot more for it.

You can't be racist against them because they're not a race. More like neurological-wiringist.

But I feel the same way sometimes. Then I read a forum post by an NT who doesn't know I'm an Aspie and isn't talking about autism. Then I come to remember that they're not so bad, just bigoted.

lol. Nice.

Wow, OP, that was really well said. It does take a lot of effort to put up those walls, but you gotta do it. A SoSayWeAll said, jerks are everywhere... you never know when you're gonna meet one.

I try walk around with the 'shield of my intellect' on full power. When it's up I can spot incoming danger, and react to surprises better. Then just set your mind's weapons to stun, and you're ready to traverse the dangerous terrain of Earth.

This is one of the toughest issue and one of the most agonizing aspect of belonging to what is called or diagnosed as AS .
One one hand there's really a limit to how much crap we can take and living with actually no meaningful support under constant abuses while u can clearly see and feel the dishonesty,insensitivity and wrong doing of the NT around u can drive even the sanest person to the wall/
My solution was to simply split but it is very hard,
I really don't care that much if i'm better than the NT's but i need someone to see me and feel me and treat me right and NT's never missed a chance to turn my life into hell and are extremely unreliable couldn't be trusted with any thing,
Wish there was a land for us aspies.

Racist, means prejudice against those of a different race, and maybe people with ASDs think 'NTs' are like a different race.

If 'NT' means, 'Not on the autistic spectrum', then that is saying, 'I find myself to be prejudice against those without ASDs'.

How about saying, 'I'm angered when I see injustice' or 'I'm angered when I'm misunderstood'. Those would be entirely legitimate things. There are social rules that are not kind, useful, or right and people without an ASD are more likely to follow these. But to blame all not-got-an-ASD people, and create a 'them and us' attitude is just too simplistic, inaccurate and unfair. What we're looking at is not a condition called 'NT' but a human-kind tendancy to do wrong things, have bad attitudes, and then, to think our wrong-doing is excusable while other people's is worse. This is shared by all people. We are all human, and as a result, we all have the potential to put ourselves first and dislike those different to us. People with AS and those we call NT all do this.

To put it in the positive, people without ASDs who try really hard to be kind, understanding, accomodating etc, are doing a great thing. And people with AS do this too.

I have AS assessment coming up, and consider myself to be like a person with AS. But as yet, I would count as NT if we were to install a dividing line. I am so confused when people with AS label and slam those considered 'NT'. I thought that of all places, a forum for people with ASD's would be a place where people understand what it's like to be labelled and slammed, so would be less likely to do it to others. But the same human-ness exists. We all want to be right and superior, if we're honest enough to admit it.

I used to work with a few kids with AS, and during that time, I read up on the subject, I organised youth club activities that I knew they would like, I endulged in special interests that weren't my own, I helped other people understand those kids and to see their strengths. I worked hard to understand and get to know people with an ASD. Now, I come to a site for those with an ASD, and find that to many here, I would have been considered 'one of them', a lesser person, a person without sense and moral judgement. I would be largely rejected.

You've heard, 'Two legs good, four legs bad' if you've read Animal Farm. The AS community is creating, 'AS good, NT bad'.

Have you decided that NT accurately describes all those without an ASD?

You/we have rightly wanted those without ASD's to consider neurodiversity as a good thing, but it's no good if you make a divide and declare war on those without ASDs. That's just undoing any progress. Yes, demand good treatment, equality etc, but give it as well as demand it.

I wonder if people here might think I just don't understand what it's like to be at the mercy of other people. I know what it's like to be bullied, ridiculed and rejected. I have an eye condition, and I was so used to people calling my name, just to get me to look at them so they could laugh in my face, that I began to learn not to respond to my name. I've been lonely and depressed so, so much. I used alcohol to numb the mental pain and put on three stone in weight. I know what it's like to have a tough time. I don't know what it's like to have someone else's experience, of course, but I had had my own fair share of it.

I react to the same that CocoRock does. Why not stop using the word "NT" to describe people without ASD? Why not just say "the others" or "other people"? Because very, very often you would in fact not know how the brain of other people is wired, what goes on in the brains of people you pass on the street or communicate with on the workplace/school etc. You don't know how their brain works, whether it is in fact neurotypical or not.

Besides, people with neurotypical brains are so widely different from each other that there is no point in grouping them together - people's reactions to things are hugely different, depending on which country, culture, background they come from, whether they are male or female, how they are brought up. I have more things in common with my Norwegian friend with AS than with an NT from India. NTs are not a special race or a special people, and the only thing that may be said that we have in common, is that we don't have ASD. That's a pretty meagre basis upon which to generalize about us, don't you think?

i understand some. In some ways im struggling to be okay with so many things about the NTs. i dont like a lot about them umm actually most of them.

In general i find them very dishonest and deceptive. i find them selfish and often thoughtless (and ive been accused of being those things at times!!.. they are the same there, so shouldnt accuse me)... not often they seem to care about me.

i guess im lucky as no one has called me a ret*d, i kind of get thou how that would be very upsetting.

I don't think calling neurotypicals their own race is appropriate, but I guess I get why disdain them.

Rather than be angry at NTs, I pity them, with their underdeveloped cognitive abilities and and innate social neediness. They are so warped by their desire to fit in with others and desire for power over others that they do mean, cruel and horrible things. But they can't help it, their poor brains are awash in emotion.

There are lots of very nice NTs and even some intelligent ones. We should praise them for overcoming their disabilities. We must try to be the bigger person.

Try to see yourself as Spock on the enterprise. Here you are, largely alone, intellectually superior to all the humans that surround you, trying to understand why emotion drives them to the irrational behaviors they perform, and try to help them as best you can. I'm sure that's largely where the idea of being on the wrong planet comes from.

i will assume by NT you mean non-autistic.

well racist doesnt fit here since neurological status isnt a race. however, you are doing something similar, by broadly generalizing negative stereotypes against a large population of people that you dont know.

people are individuals. there are bad non-autistics just like there are bad autistics. yes, i said it, autism doesnt make you infallible or perfect. neither does not being autistic. we are all just human and that includes bad traits as well as good. each person should be evaluated individually. not by their skin color, where their ancestors came from, or neurological status.

the irony i see is when someone, autistic or not, hates on someone else for acting according to their nature, and does so because the other person/people hated on them for acting according to their nature.

what i mean is, the feelings of hate and superiority towards non-autistics are the same feelings of hate and superiority towards YOU that you dislike (calling you ret*d, etc). in fact you now say you think THEY are mentally ret*d. so think carefully before you continue on this path, or you will become that which you hate.

In addition to being blatantly incorrect, this is also a quite horrible thing to say about non-autistic people.

Not as horrible as being subject to this kind of behavior or perception but i guess u can't see it if u r part of it as the patterns accurately described above are considered a desired and necessary social skills by most people.
Personally i don't think it a problem of overly emotive brain but a basic inability to integrate the brain with the heart which lead to exaggerated, unreliable and too many times pretty harmful self expressions and acts and lack of real sense of individuality and responsibility/