Sticking out like a sore thumb

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09 Jul 2010, 2:49 am

Well, all thoughts of "maybe my Asperger's isn't really that noticeable by other people" just flew out the window last night. It was my mom's birthday party, at a restaurant, with about fifty people. I was doing ok at first, minding my own business, but then things started getting progressively uncomfortable. I was on my way to use the bathroom, when this girl who never talks to me (she was sitting at the bar) gave me the "Hi, what's up?" This caught me completely off guard, and I couldn't tell whether she was really asking me how I'm doing or was I simply expected to say "Fine, thank you", so I kind of panicked and blurted out "Hi, what's up?" using her exact intonation, which is what I tend to do when I panic. I didn't even stop and just kept walking to the bathroom.

There were so many other things that felt wrong about last night. For example, my uncle's girlfriend decided to interrogate me about my private life for some reason. The conversation went something like this:

She: "So what do you do for fun?"
Me: "Just read stuff about linguistics and biology, I guess".
She: "Hmm... Why aren't you drinking any cocktails or alcohol?"
Me: "I don't really like it, except for wine".
She: "So how do you unwind?"
Me: "I guess I don't really "wind" to begin with".
She: "Do you go to discotheques?"
Me: "No".
She: "Where do you hang out with your friends, then?"
Me: "I don't have friends".
She: "Hmm...
Do you like to travel?"
Me: "No, not really".
She: "Sounds like you have a rich and fulfilling life".

Ugh.

conundrum
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09 Jul 2010, 3:02 am

Blarg. :roll:

Sorry that happened to you. I hate when people think they have the right to "interrogate" you about what is none of their business (and yes, that IS the right word!).

alexptrans wrote:

I was on my way to use the bathroom, when this girl who never talks to me (she was sitting at the bar) gave me the "Hi, what's up?" This caught me completely off guard, and I couldn't tell whether she was really asking me how I'm doing or was I simply expected to say "Fine, thank you", so I kind of panicked and blurted out "Hi, what's up?" using her exact intonation, which is what I tend to do when I panic. I didn't even stop and just kept walking to the bathroom.

I sometimes react that way too--my mind just goes blank.

Next time (if there has to be one), bring a book. No, I'm not kidding. If anyone asks, tell them it's for school. Make sure it's on a subject you really like--maybe a few people will be interested enough to actually want to discuss something YOU'RE interested in for a change.

Or not.

At the very least, maybe they'll leave you alone.

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alexptrans
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09 Jul 2010, 3:11 am

conundrum wrote:

Next time (if there has to be one), bring a book. No, I'm not kidding. If anyone asks, tell them it's for school. Make sure it's on a subject you really like--maybe a few people will be interested enough to actually want to discuss something YOU'RE interested in for a change.

Or not.

At the very least, maybe they'll leave you alone.

Thanks, conundrum. That does sound like a really good idea - right now I don't feel like ever going to one of my parents' birthday parties again, but if I ever do, I'll be sure to have a book with me.

StuartN
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09 Jul 2010, 4:24 am

alexptrans wrote:

She: "Sounds like you have a rich and fulfilling life".

For what it is worth, it sounds to me like she was projecting dissatisfaction with her own life, and only criticizing you as a convenient nail to hang her own problem. Mostly people either engage in this kind of stuff either because they are genuinely interested (no matter how unpleasant it is at the receiving end) or because they need to get something out of their own system and look for suitable targets who match their own frustrations.

CockneyRebel
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09 Jul 2010, 6:33 am

It seems that she said that comment, because she's dissatisfied, with her own social life, so she looked for somebody that she thinks has even less of a life, than she does. She also wanted to be sarcastic, as a means of being abusive. She confuses partying, sex and drinking, with having a life.

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MONIQUEIJ
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09 Jul 2010, 7:30 am

Quote:

Blarg.

Sorry that happened to you. I hate when people think they have the right to "interrogate" you about what is none of their business (and yes, that IS the right word!).

i couldn't of agree more

devey
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09 Jul 2010, 7:54 am

alexptrans wrote:

She: "Sounds like you have a rich and fulfilling life".

I disagree with some of the other replies here. It sounds like she reacted like this because you made it look like you were being rude by giving short, negative answers. She was using small talk as a way of showing interest in you and 'breaking the ice' by letting you know you can be comfortable around her. By asking you where you hang out she was expecting you to bring the conversation forward like talking about your favourite bar or something. She interpreted your short answers as 'I'm not interested in talking. Leave me alone.' This is what put her off and caused her to make that sarcastic comment.

As for the situation with the girl at the bar, I know exactly what you mean. I haven't yet learned to deal with the initial shock factor of an unexpected moment like this and I leave wondering if I reacted appropriately.

alexptrans
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09 Jul 2010, 10:21 am

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

devey wrote:

I guess that's something I'll never understand. From where I stand, I was giving truthful answers to what did feel like an interrogation to me (I mean, I don't go around asking people what they do for fun or why they don't drink alcohol). Anyway, since I really have no friends, was there a better way to answer "Where do you hang out with your friends"? Maybe there was, but I couldn't think of one in real time.

You sure got it right, though - I was becoming less and less interested in talking to her as the questions kept on coming.

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09 Jul 2010, 10:56 am

devey wrote:

alexptrans wrote:

She: "Sounds like you have a rich and fulfilling life".

I agree with your interpretation. And her closing comment is an attempt at humour that, even though it's rather poor, is meant to either make you laugh or try to loosen up and elaborate on your previous short answers. I know that this kind of exchange can be hard to get. It seems to me that she wasn't trying to offend you.

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09 Jul 2010, 1:48 pm

alexptrans wrote:

Well, all thoughts of "maybe my Asperger's isn't really that noticeable by other people" just flew out the window last night. It was my mom's birthday party, at a restaurant, with about fifty people. I was doing ok at first, minding my own business, but then things started getting progressively uncomfortable. I was on my way to use the bathroom, when this girl who never talks to me (she was sitting at the bar) gave me the "Hi, what's up?"
The conversation went something like this:

She: "So what do you do for fun?"
Me: "Just read stuff about psychotronic linguistics ".
She: "Hmm... Why aren't you drinking any cocktails or alcohol?"
Me: "It dulls my mind circuitry".
She: "So how do you unwind?"
Me: "I practice obscure Chinese exercise rituals".
She: "Do you go to discotheques?"
Me: "No, I never go to annoying obnoxious loud places".
She: "Where do you hang out with your friends, then?"
Me: "Coffee shops, restaurants, at home".
She: "Hmm...
Do you like to travel?"
Me: "I don't have much time to, considering my research".
She: "Sounds like you have a rich and fulfilling life".
Me: "I do, in fact. Although I must admit you sound rather vapid and shallow."

.

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Philologos
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09 Jul 2010, 1:53 pm

Hey - linguistics and biology - could be me, and I swear I have had much of that conversation except that nobody was ever quite snippy enough to hsand out that punchline.

And of course, no way would HER life be rich and fulfilling to me, nor likely you.

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09 Jul 2010, 2:04 pm

Prof_Pretorius: Your version is much more amusing than mine. I enjoyed it

Philologos wrote:

That is very true, when I think about it.

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