Gas station question--was it justified?

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OK...I just had a lady get mad at me at the gas station and claiming I cut in line in front of her, and I'm of the opinion that she was doing it wrong.

When I got to the gas station, which was VERY busy, people were lined up 2 and 3 deep at the pump. The particular pump I pulled up to had only one person there in the immediate vicinity. So I pulled up.

The guy who was filling up seemed to think there was nothing wrong with that...he even told another car coming in the other way to back off because I was next.

Well, when I pull up to the pump, another woman pulls up behind me. I thought nothing of that...figured she was getting in line to wait her turn after me, now that someone had finally created a line for a right-facing gas tank. She gets out of her car, and comes over to me and goes, "DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME HONKING MY HORN? I WAS IN LINE."

I don't know where she was. I didn't hear a horn, or if I did, I probably thought it was coming from the main road (which has a LOT of stupid drivers on it and a lot of reasons to be honking). And I didn't have my radio on, either, which is a rarity, but I didn't, and I truly didn't hear anything. So I said I hadn't heard anything.

Then she goes, "DIDN'T YOU SEE ME FLASHING MY LIGHTS?"

Where the hell WAS she anyway? I guess she must've been in the parking spots WELL AWAY from the gas station, but I wasn't looking there. I was looking at the pump itself, because that's where it looked like most people were lining up. If you're in a parking spot, how the hell am I supposed to know you're actually ready to get gas, and not trying to do something else in your vehicle first?

I answered no again, I didn't see anything.

She kind of left well enough alone after that, but I get the feeling she thought I was a) racist (because I happened to be the wrong color), b) a jerk, and c) in retrospect, she might've thought I was lying, because when I play it back in my head I don't think I was making any eye contact and I really was lost for words other than to just answer the questions. I sure as hell wasn't going to get in an argument, but yeah...even though I'm not a true Aspie I suspect my Aspie half was showing big time.

Anyway, my question is this. What IS the proper etiquette for gas stations? How the hell does sitting in an adjacent parking spot not actually IN line count as being in line like the people who were actually lining up right at the pump? Who was right here?

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Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.

That's good to know...I was having a hard time thinking of a response at the moment and the only thing that was coming to mind ("All the way wherever YOU were does NOT count as 'in line'!") was something I knew was highly inappropriate. And I also didn't want to apologize, either, because I was afraid if I did that, she'd insist that I give up my spot, and I was already starting to fill up. So all I could do was just answer the questions literally and not say anything else. So yeah, she probably either thought I was a racist or just thought I was weird, eccentric, or whatever. I SO hope it was #2.

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Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.

Saying "Sorry, I didn't see you," doesn't mean you have to give up your spot. It might be impossible to give it up if you are already out of the car and everything. It just means you didn't see her, which is honest because you didn't. It's appropriate in this situation. It is just saying you can't do anything about it because you were not aware she was there.


You can even skip the "sorry" part and say "I didn't see you" which is sorta what you did. The "sorry" part makes it sound better. You can go one step further and say "apologize" instead of sorry, which is more polite.

Yeah, I did say I didn't see or hear her (which was true). I'm not sure she believed me (like I said, in mental playback, I don't think my mannerisms would've been read as believable), but it was the only thing I could think of at the time that wasn't directly confrontational and would not lead to "Then get out of my spot!"

I guess I could've done better, in retrospect, but I was just kind of "up to here" with the situation and not really in a mode to think it through.

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Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.

In that situation you can tell her you were there before her and might have not been easy to spot because of where your gas tank is. Either way, it's nbd. Stuff like this happens all the time, but I hope next time your experience at the pump will be smoother... That's what I don't like about chaotic gas pumps and there's plenty of them around here. There's a swarm of cars with several coming in different directions because people's gas tank lids are on different sides of their cars. Not fun.

At all the gas stations I've been at the parking spaces have been situated such that a person in a parking space couldn't have reasonably claimed they were waiting in line.

Honestly, it's a driving incident. Things happen and even if you were in the right (which it seems you were, imo) then you're still gonna get idiots on the road who do and say stupid things and get mad at you for things that weren't even your fault. I've had people get pissed off at me when THEY do something wrong.

I had a lady do that at the drug store.

I came from a direction where I didn't see the waiting line going up a single aisle of the store.

Nobody said anything. The clerk said nothing. After I was done, the lady behind me gave me her 2 cents about my cutting in front of everyone. Had I the presence of mind, I should have looked at her and asked, "Why didn't you say something when I stepped in front of you?" If that didn't satisfy her (I did apologize, but she kept going on about it), I would have told her to grow up and stop being a freaking whiner.

Those situations plague all of us now & then. It's one of those things which I personally find hard to deal with, and I bet it's the same for most Aspies. I'm usually happy to let the other person go first, if there's any question. That way, I'm usually not the bad guy. But in a case where the other person was hiding (or they might as well have been in this case), there was nothing you could do. As a courtesy I would always graciously apologize, whether I owed it or not. That way at least you're being polite after-the-fact, and the bystanders won't think your the a**hole, which the complainer is trying to make you be. Also, most polite people will ASSUME that a cutter-in is doing so by mistake, and won't say anything. That's what I do, unless it's obvious that the person is doing on purpose because they think they're much more important than anyone else.

When the lady complained "didn't you hear me honking/see me flashing?", I'd probably say, "Wow, I sure didn't, and I'd never deliberately ace anyone out!... Let me move, and I'll get behind you". If the lady takes you up on the offer, SHE's the one going to go away feeling silly for making a federal case out of it, and you'll go away feeling like a gentleman. If she doesn't take you up on it, it's settled fairly anyway.

Charles

an entire thread debating the rightness of a gas station maneuver... aspie forums i think you can safely change your sig to say aspie.

on saturday my aspie SO and i went grocery shopping. after we got home an hour later we were talking about autistic behaviors and he suddenly exclaimed that he was still really mad about the people blocking the end of the aisle at sams club, and then he ranted for 2 minutes about it.

perseveration is for more than just fun special interests