Tired

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I'm sorry about this; I don't usually go and complain here. It's just that I'm really tired and I haven't got any idea what to do about it.

I was accepted to do undergraduate research in a gene therapy lab this summer. It's fascinating work; but I had no break between finals and the lab, and now it's getting harder and harder to get to work every day, and harder and harder to concentrate. What makes it even worse is that I've had to cut down on Concerta (for ADHD) because it gives me an irregular heartbeat. At the moment, my special interest is in writing fiction; and that takes a lot of thought because I'm really inexperienced with it. I can't do it until I'm pretty much stress-free. And that doesn't happen much anymore, which makes stress even worse.

The lab work itself is fascinating; but I can't stand the smell of the bacterial cultures we use to clone DNA. And I have to stand up a lot, so I get sensory overload from pain in my feet. (No, I don't know why I'm so vulnerable to that, either. And yes, I have good shoes.)

I'm worried I can't finish this. I'm supposed to present a journal article today and then again next week; and I have to publish a scientific poster on top of everything else. I've only just begun to see GFP showing up in the cell lines that I'm supposed to be testing for how well the virus gets them to express the protein; and I have only got four weeks left to do all of this. Professional researchers take years!

Everyone says I'm "really smart", but that doesn't help me any. I'm really afraid I won't be able to sustain effort on this this summer, or if I do, will be so worn out by the end of it that I won't be able to work on school. I keep pushing myself but there's only so far I can go, and nobody seems to understand that being "smart" isn't enough. They all think that because I'm intelligent, everything should be easy for me, when in reality, I have a great deal of trouble putting out effort when it's asked of me instead of when my brain decides it wants to work.

I hate to be a downer, but i have learned through experience that society DEMANDS 110% effort 110% of the time. those who cannot cope are left behind. I cant begin to tell you how many times ive been down this road, only by ignoring my own needs and my own pain, am i able to get through whatever challenge lies before me.

Society will take what it wants from me, if it wants 110% of what i have, then it will take. If i have a day off, its because society does not need anything from me that day, but if i get called in to work, then.... well sucks to be me.

I was once put into similar situation of having to much to do when I was in college. In my case I ended up very seriously ill due to that, (so ended having no choice but to drop out of collage).

I hope you manage to do what you are wanting to do.

Can you get special consent to delay finals? I was able to get my exams put on hold (thou for me it was already to late). Maybe you can get them delayed?

As a lab rat myself, I can commiserate with your situation. It takes A LOT of push to keep research moving forward... a lot of try try try and sometimes it seems very overwhelming. And yes, the push for publishing ect is always there. It's super stressful... I am actually working from home today cause I needed a break from directing the 5 (kid) summer volunteers I have directly under me... Not to mention there's about 20 ppl running around constantly all day in the lab. It's loud, crowded and overloading.

I hope you can manage a way to stay afloat. I think it's worth it cause, at least for me, I get a good sense of worth from all the effort I put into the research... and I find it very rewarding.

Just find a way to take breaks when and where you can. I work 7 days a week (ah the life of a grad student) and am certainly always trying to keep up with my "work cardio".

Best of luck to you... Sounds like you're doing some cool stuff! (And yes, bacterial cultures STINK!)

Also, try and keep in perspective that you're an undergraduate... It seems like they're certainly keeping you busy, but don't feel too bad as not to ask for help or guidance on these things. I'm sure you can talk to the lab PI to some degree about your stress. I take it they don't know about your AS?

again, best of luck!

edit: Also, keep in mind, that even if your project doesn't reach it's full completion, you can most certainly just present your progress! No shame in that cause you're right... Research takes years and it's certainly not unheard of for projects to take longer than expected. I'll reiterate, you're an undergrad... So (no offense) but I'll wager your solo project is not the hottest thing on the lab's stove top. I'm sure it is in the lab's best interest for it to work so they can implement it and integrate it into many of the lab's projects... But keep in mind that a lot of the stuff given to undergrads and even PhD students that rotate into labs... are pilot studies so to speak. You should feel AWESOME that you're even seeing GFP in any of your cells and you should certainly know that you are already making a significant contribution to furthering the research that your lab strives to do.

So try not to stress out too much about it. I'm sure you're doing great, just keep at it cause that's what research is all about... try try try and keep moving forward!

Last edited by Sedaka on 14 Jul 2010, 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

There's no need to apologise. You've as much right to post here as anyone else



Firstly, don't beat yourself at not being good at fiction. If you've only just begun, it's going to be difficult. You write well, so probably a big issue is just building confidence; that will come with time.

I can understand why you feel bogged down with work. I'm working during my summer hols too; sucks. It's worse if the place stinks and you're on your feet non stop (trust me, I know).

Is there any way they'll let you bring in a stool? If you asked the department head they may give you permission. Otherwise, I find leaning on the desk helps or even standing on one leg (don't ask me why). As for the smell, I find taking very frequent shallow breaths helps until you eventually get used to it. I remember micro labs, and yeah, the cultures absolutely stink.


If you're an undergraduate, they're not goign to expect ridiculous standards. Do your best. Don't sweat. Just think of it all as 'experience'.



Do you have to work for the whole summer? Can you take a couple of weeks off at the end? I'd realise advise that. You need a holiday.

I'm a do research, too, although not in biology, but I do understand the frustration and exhaustion that happens when I don't get a break. Last year I had a similar problem of having to present at a meeting immediatly followed by 6weeks abroad doing research immediatly followed by starting my PhD. I had no break and was exhausted.

I'd suggest that the first thing to do would be to talk to your advisor who is in charge of the research. Explain to him/her what you've already done and explain that your not sure how to get everthing done in 4 weeks and ask if he/she can help you figure out a schedule of how to get what you need done. There may been some things that are less critical for you to do than others and your boss can help you figure that out. If the advisor is not helpful ask a lab manager/post doc/senior grad student for help. They've all been through what you're currently going through and are there to help. They all know that you are smart, but also that as an undergraduate there are things you don't know how to do and will help you even if they seem busy. Also, It might help to realize that 4 weeks is an eternity in science. I've known people who are still working on experiments the night before they are supposed to present their research.

You might see if you can take a day off this weekend to de-stress; do your creative writing. It may seem counterintuitive to take a day off when you have so much to do, but by relaxing a bit you'll be more focused the next day and get more work done.

As for the sensory issues, try to find a tall lab chair that you can lean on when your feet get tired. For the cultures smelll you could try wearing a mask or pinching your nose with a clothespin.

Good luck and have fun!!

If they don't allow you to use a stool to sit on, try getting one of those soft rubber mats that are used in cafes and fast food restaurants where people have to be on their feet for long hours. They do help. (I'm not sure where you can get one, but everything is available on the internet these days.)

Other than that, like others have suggested, try to de-stress as much as you can outside of work.

Is it possible to ask for any accommodation?