Anyone ever get the "I'm not normal either" commen

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Sometimes when I talk to someone about my asperger's syndrome, depression, and other issues, and how they prevent me from living a normal life, they say something like "No one lives a normal life." or "Everyone feels depressed sometimes." At times I've also gotten comments of the nature of "Yes, I have a disability too. I'm a workaholic." Statements like these only serve to belittle my AS and make it seem like everyone else has it just as bad as I do, so why is it that they're doing fine and I'm not? Everyone is disabled, everyone has depression, no one is normal, everyone is just as fu¢ked up as I am, but they're able to cope and I'm not, so any problems I have are a personal failing. It's true that everyone has their quirks, but the thing that separates us from them is that their quirks don't completely mess up their lives and affect every aspect of their being like AS or autism does. I think in order for something to be considered a disorder or affliction, it has to have a significant negative effect on your life. Being a workaholic or feeling depressed when it's been raining for the past week doesn't count.

I hate when people say things like this.

Sounds like some rather misguided attempts to make you feel "better," like "you're not the only one."

And Aspies are supposed to be the ones without "empathy."

I am dealing with similar issues. I thought it would be a good idea to disclose my situation to others, but was always met with silence, or comments like you are getting. I have learned to not disclose unless it is really necessary. Neurotypical people I talk to don't know how to handle me talking about Asperger's or autism.

Yeah, that is annoying. I've also gotten:
"everyone has problems" or "everyone has their quirks"(i'm starting to think that in saying things like this they might possibly be attemping to make me feel better or more normal. It does make me mad though and mostly makes me feel like they're dismissing my condition when i was just explaining it so that they'd understand me better. I'm sure they can't even begin to understand how different their lives would be if they had AS)
"you just need to socialize more, and you'll be better at it"(even though i already have a job where i'm around people? I've learned some stuff and gotten better at certain things, but it's not changing the way i am THAT much )
"if you know that you have problems, you should be able to fix them"(yeah, i'm just going to magically become aware of what other people are thinking, be able to use proper facial expressions, and be able to have normal balanced interests just because i realize that i'm impaired in doing all of that? Uhhhg)

My mom asks "What's normal?"

Even one aspie has said in my group "what's normal?" He even says it to his dad when he tries to compare him to others. He even said it as a kid.

My husband says "no one is normal." "Everyone is normal for themselves" and "no one is normal."

Then I have heard "Everyone has problems."

I even had an aspie friend who used to say "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine."

I think normal is over rated and some people are too hooked up on the word.

When people talk that way, I see it as they are open minded and they don't judge people for their quirks or issues and they accept people for who they are. They are even accepting you too and not judging you.

attempt at acceptance or possibly at discounting the actual severity of the issues.

its always mixed. you can never tell what exact signal they are meaning. maybe all they mean is acceptance. maybe they really do feel that the traits shouldnt be elevated so strongly and that a more "positive attitude" should be used.

i can never tell.

Yes. I've been told that I need to just "get over my social anxiety". Or when I get upset over something I should just "stop being upset". I don't even have social anxiety, thanks.

I've even been told by other, (well-meaning?) others who upon me hiding and appearing visibly upset from their coddles and crowdings, that they "don't like to be touched either".

NT empathy isn't empathy at all.

What I've learned from observing people is that they don't like talking about or thinking about things that make them uncomfortable. Maybe when you get those responses, it's from someone who asked you, "How are you?" or "What's up?" I used to answer those questions honestly, but that's not what anyone wants. They want you to say, "I'm doin' good!" or "Nothin' much, just chillin'." It's not really conversation, it only looks like that on the surface. It's more like... a handshake, or... clicking your heels together, raising your open hand, and shouting, "Heil Society!"

Sorry if I'm being harsh, that's just my experience. It's especially hard here in the Midwest, because if you can't muster up an appropriately enthusiastic "Hey, great, you?", they probe deeper, despite not wanting to, because they know it's expected of them. Then you're expected to say, "No, really, just a little trouble at home. It'll work itself out." Or, "Nah, I'm fine, just had a fight with my girlfriend." Then they can pity you and drop the subject and go on with their day.

Woe be to you if you answer honestly along every level of this tricky bit of societal "bonding". Eventually people stop asking, which sounds like a good thing, but for some reason it's not. It's like a sign they don't think you're normal.


I told someone once, before I knew what Asperger's was, that I was born without common sense. He said, "Well, that's dumb. If you know you don't have common sense, doesn't that mean you actually have it?" Typical people just as often don't realize how ridiculous they sound as we do.

Everybody does have problems. Just because their problems aren't AS doesn't mean people don't struggle, you just probably won't ever understand their struggles and they may never understand yours. You never know what someones dealing with until you walk in their shoes, I don't care how normal or happy they may seem.'

Of course it's very insensitive of those people to compare their problems to your AS, like it's the same thing. It's not, they won't ever understand what it's like, but try and understand that these people don't have as many advantages over you as you think they do.

I had a NT tell me he wished he had Aspergers so he would not have to suffer the aggravation brought to him by having to worry about his girlfriend and problems she causes for him. He then told me having a girlfriend is highly over rated and I should not be depressed about it I should consider it a blessing. Then he said my Aspergers must not be to bad because I do not act like dustin hoffman in rainman and I am not on disability. I asked him what would you do if you could not touch someone or be touched by someone without having anxiety over it. He just giggled well I guess I would not touch anyone how hard is that.

Holy crap. You just about summed up all my recent thoughts and feelings about Asperger's and depression in a paragraph. Dang it, you're good.

I get severe anxiety. I have people always tell me that "I get anxious too sometimes. Here's how I deal with it...." I want to punch them in the face when they do this! I was recently riding in the car with someone who was attempting to "understand" how my anxiety worked. They were reasonable for the most part, but pretty much ended by telling me that "everyone has anxiety and you need to cope with it like everyone else". He kept asking me what I was anxious about and I kept trying to tell him that minus a few things/situations (crowds, finances, ect.) they were not specifically what someone would consider something reasonable to get anxious about.

The same thing has happened to me a number of times with a number of different things. It's very aggravating and feels as though it belittles these disorders.

I agree that it feels like people are belittling these problems. I also have severe anxiety but it's not social anxiety. I can't even really say what causes it (besides routine changes, fearing being touched etc). This seems to be incomprehensible to some people.

I don't, but that's only cause I don't tell anyone about it. But, I have a similar thing happen to me that annoys me (and often my family) to no end...I have chronic headaches (I have a brain malformation thingy that causes it) and I'm not a complainer, so I just say that I have a lot of headaches. And people are like "oh yeah, me too, sometimes I have like 3 a MONTH." Sometimes my mom gets fed up if we're at the doctors and tells people how bad it actually is. I hate to do it though.

He sounds like a complete jackass.