I am driving him crazy and confused, just by being myself

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I am driving my most wonderful lover, Daniel, crazy and confused. I need help to figure out what I am doing wrong. I need to stop doing it. Then I need to remember what I figured out, so that tomorrow I don't do the exact same thing again, because I have yet again, forgotten that he loves me, and is a beautiful regular feeling person, who understands and mis-understands me.

We woke up this morning and he was slightly short with me, which I ended up finding out, was due to very deep intense emotions.
Me being me, couldn't just remember that he loves me and let it go. I enraged him with having to talk about it. I said that I wanted to know why he was rude to me for, what I thought was apparently no reason. It was the last straw for him.

I have apparently ripped his soul apart, with all of my crying and forgetting and trying. He feels as if he has to tell me about every little thing he does. He feels as if he can't do anything without having to take care of me in some way. He feels that my expression of emotion and confusions are blatant cruel attempts to control and manipulate his every waking moment.

Help me. I don't want that to be true.

Let me get this straight: he woke up irritable and snapped at you. When you very reasonably asked for an explanation, it was somehow all your fault because he's been hanging onto simmering resentment exacerbated by his inability to discuss relationship issues with you like an adult. Yeah, he sounds like a winner, there.

Seriously, relationship issues are never one-sided. It's all about compromise and communication for both people.

Now, what's this about the crying and carrying on? Does he have a legitimate complaint about you needing to know his every move? Even in a relationship, people need a certain amount of space to themselves.

Well, yesterday was a normal day for me. I was fine then the subject of my birthday came up. I then began to remember the sad circumstances, because he was relating them to his friend. I then began to cry and feel the situation, as I do, whenever I remember something sad. He felt bad, because he felt as if it all went sour, because of him. As soon as I began to finish the whole circle of remembering, I remembered why I had startted crying in the first place.

As usual though, I had recalled many things from that point on, that related, that made me feel sad. So I had triggered personal pains in him as well. When we went to bed, I told him that I did not blame him for how my birthday went, I told him that I recognized his love and desire for me to have a great day. I then addressed another pain I am still working through, and told him that I did not find him responsible for my feelings of lost sense of self, which were from a mean group of people, from a place we lived, at the same time. Yet I know that he feels that I would be better off, had I not met him. I love him very much and he loves me.

Now consider his own neurological challenges. He has been dealing with much in his life. So this morning I feel that it was a culmination. I am trying to be super fair.

I do not understand his feelings that he can't do anything without me. I do not understand much of the fight for his own self individuality. Yet, I do ask for constant relay, as to what he is going to do. I get lost without knowing what is happening. Like, hey, I am going to hang out and will be back past dinner. In the past he has not found it important, I guess, due to the fact that I have required so much of his time, and he feels entrapped. I am confused

I feel as if him updating me on planned actions, since he does have adhd, and me aspergers, if painfully important to me.
I feel as if, he should tell me if he needs alone time and then with kindness, he should set forth. I have gotten angry at him for leaving when we are in the middle of fighting. I just want to understand so much, and without the words being clear or understandable to me, I become lost and desperate, then react badly. Because I then began to wonder why he is leaving, and why it is such a huge deal.

Crap. Right, whatever

I have the habit of remembering old stuff and I have to say to myself "it does no good". I got to the point where I told my kids and my coworker at the time, if I ever start bringing up this bs I told them to start talking about something they liked and turn the conversation into something positive. It has since curbed that behavior. I have found that I writing about stuff and even making cartoons have helped.

As for your behavior tell him your not asking him to deal with your issues just try and understand them and vice versa.

Is he bi polar? How long have you been together?

Your situation may be a little different and maybe I read it wrong but it does sound almost exactly like what I am dealing with my fiancé Jason of 4 years. Well except the fact that he doesn't have ADHD.

I control him most of the day. It can be simple things like telling him to stop swearing and goes up to moving him while we are sleeping just so that I can be comfortable. The reason why I shared that is to tell you that you are not alone. I am not a Dr diagnosed aspie but I know I have it or at least really suspect it. I know I am different and just have to wait for a job with insurance to get an official diagnosis. I tell him all the time that he would be better off without me due to how mean I am and he always says to stop saying that even if what I have said or done really pissed him off.

With your guy it sounds like that he is a lot like my guy and how he doesn't understand why you do the things that you do. I feel the same way. I dont want to control and manipulate anyone especially the man I love but its like I dont even know Im doing it and then its said and I feel like a complete jerk afterwards and Im sure you feel the same way or at least it sounded like you did. Jason doesn't leave in the middle of fights and even if he did I would probably follow him being the weirdo I am because I feel like I need the fight resolved then and dont want to keep fighting and it sounds like you feel the same way when your guy leaves as you are fighting.

Now maybe things I said are wrong and I hope I didnt make you mad or anything I am sorry if I did. I just wanted to tell you as I said that you are not the only girl doing this and or dealing with this. If you ever want to talk you can message me. Maybe you and me can put our heads together and stop doing this before we drive our men even more crazy then they already are.

I hope this helps.

Thankyou LabnJab Your great. And the diagnoses only made me capable of finally letting go of my feelings of retardation, when I was done being ruled by it. You are exactly right. Thankyou. I think it is time I truley get over it. If I continue hating myself, I will be my downfall.

Thankyou everyone. Keep trying, I know you are all awesome and my love goes out to everyone.

Your welcome, Im glad I could help. Now If only I could take your advice and get over the things I need to get over then I would be golden. If only it were that simple.