Is having a name for my weirdness important? Can't decide...

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When I first signed up here, I didn't expect to find so many people who weren't sure if they had AS/autism, or were self-diagnosed. It's clear that many of us have wandered to Wrong Planet due to our own musings over our "weirdness." In many ways, I'm relieved to see that the world is full of people who have similar experiences to my own. But how important is it to "officially" join the group? It would seem to me that the primary purpose of a diagnosis would be to help parents cope with children and teens. As I approach my latter 20's, does a diagnosis matter? Is it good or bad?

At some point in time, I believe I forgot just how weird I was. I didn't forget it entirely, but I simply thought of myself as a normal person who was so into certain things that I ended up shutting myself out from the world, thus never getting the social skills, common knowledge, and common sense that everyone else has. Now that I've come to see just how well the autistic spectrum seems to fit with my own life, I feel like some burden has been lifted from me. I now don't feel so guilty for focusing so much on my interests. I feel like my poor social skills aren't the fault of laziness, but rather, just the way I am.

I suppose I started looking more seriously at Asperger's Syndrome because over my years of working since college, I find myself clueless as to how to move forward in life. I wanted to know why I felt this way. I feel like I'm getting to be too old for the job I'm at. Most of all, my desire for a special female has been much stronger over the past year or so than it ever has been before. This is something that I've kept repressed for so long because, in my mind, it was impractical to have a girlfriend. "Hah," I thought to myself throughout high school. "You young fools aren't going to marry, so why waste your time, money, and emotional energy on each other when in all probability, you will eventually break up?" But now, I think that was simply how I justified my seclusion to myself. I didn't think I could be successful with girls, or I was too afraid, so I didn't. Avoiding a relationship wasn't as practical as it once seemed to me... after all, those fools in high school were learning important social skills that they could use later. Would I have even been capable of taking any new skills from such a relationship? I don't know. I'm sure I would have learned something, though perhaps not as much as others would.

The thing is, I'm getting pretty tired of loneliness. Growing up, my parents were always there for me. I had some friends. In college, I had a roommate, the best friend I've ever had, but he was my only real friend in college. Now, I live on my own. My parents are nearby, and I visit them every few weekends. My college roommate lives nearby, and he comes over on the weekends a lot. But being completely alone most days, day in and day out, for four years now, is getting old. I used to think that I was all for being alone like this, but I hadn't experienced it yet. It's gotten to be tiresome. And I feel I'm ready to understand this strange thing that is a strong love of one special person from outside your family.

If I'm already lonely, I must start looking out for my future now. I have to come to terms with who I am. I'm very content with being different. I wouldn't have myself any other way. It's cliché, but you gotta be yourself. What I am willing to do away with, however, are my weaknesses. I'm not a social person, and I don't want to be, but I do want to be able to be successful enough in social situations that I can represent myself for who I am. This is one of my chief frustrations. I'm happy and fun-loving, but I'm not sure if I come across that way. I care about people, but when it comes to showing it, I'm at a complete loss for words and outward emotion. These are the things that I want to learn how to manage. I don't want my weirdness to go away. I don't want to do the things that normal people do, talk about what they talk about, or have any less interest in what I enjoy the most. I simply want to be able to accurately represent myself, and feel confident that I can do it. I get a warm feeling when I feel that I've actually done something right in a social situation... I'd like to be able to do that a bit more reliably.

But if my weirdness has a name, what does that do for me? Does it help me understand myself? Can I learn to improve myself from those who have come before me? Does it have to be officially named, or can I just observe for myself how closely it parallels my life? Do I need to tell anyone, everyone, or do I keep it to myself and the Wrong Planet forums? Or is it simply a crutch... my excuse for saying, "I wouldn't be any good at that."

The funny thing is, actually going to see a psychologist (or simply telling someone about my AS suspicions) would be such a monumental decision for me, perhaps on par with getting a new job or asking a girl out, that the decision alone is probably enough of a confidence boost to cure me.

It definitely helps you understand yourself better.

Before I found out I had Asperger's, I told people that I was an elf. Seriously. I had no idea why I could do some things much better than those around me and, yet in other areas, I was completely incompetent.

Then I was diagnosed with Asperger's and I discovered so many new and amazing things about myself that were not only not all that strange, but which other people had as well. There were others like me! I found my planet!

I was not so much lonely and weird anymore as I was just different, just like everyone else is. Putting a name on it has allowed me to learn, develop, and understand myself completely.

And if there is only one person in this world you should understand, it is yourself.

I've wondered about getting an official diagnosis too, and I don't think it would help any. We live in an NT world, and no matter how much you can justify why you can't fit in, your life is still the same. The best you can do it play with the hand you've been dealt in a game where the rules are not in your favor.

However, if you feel a diagnosis would help you better understand how to adjust yourself to live a better life, then go for it. Just be careful. An official diagnosis could end up as a source of self-pity, and that never did anyone any good.

I partially agree. Having a diagnosis really won't do much for changing how other people see you, but it will do wonders for how you see yourself. Most people don't know ANYTHING about Asperger's or Autism. Telling them you have AS doesn't do much because they really don't understand how it impacts someone. Most people just don;t understand it enough to know when something is outside your control and when they should cut you some slack.

My toughest critic has always been myself though. Getting diagnosed helped me cut myself some slack. I guess some people can do this with a self diagnosis, but my mind just doesn't work that way. I spent over a year analyzing my past/present over and over again. I had to know for sure, so I went for an assessment. The diagnosis was the closing point of all the self and past analysis. It helped me a lot because I was really getting sick of wrestling with the same question for over a year.

/mostly off topic
A lot of people never go through the type of self exploration many of us go through while discovering the name for our oddness. Many people just go through the paces there entire life without much thought to why: they do what they do; respond the way they do; or love the things they love. I think the self discovery process many of us on the spectrum, diagnosed in adulthood go through is kind of unique. It's a monumental journey not many can understand.

I agree, that's probably very true. I used to think of myself as a self-knowing person, because I did a lot of weird things and I thought about them a lot and tried to justify them in my mind. I thought about things I like, things I don't like, and why. I imagined not many people did that. Then I started doubting myself and my abilities. I used to think I was smart, but then I wasn't so sure. Things I thought I was good at, I discovered maybe I wasn't all that talented at, or maybe those things just didn't seem to matter anymore. Doing well in school and then being in "the real world" made me feel like I wasn't so smart anymore, and the sort of knowledge that I had wasn't what people valued. Now that I'm not just thinking about myself, but specifically why I am different and how there are others like me, I feel like I may be regaining some of my sense of self-worth that was slowly withering away.

Having a DX of ASD can be helpful in that you can finally have a name for your experiences, and if you wish, you can get appropriate help to manage your issues. It can also be helpful if you ever require any accommodation in your working or schooling life.

Bear in mind, though, getting assessed for ASD as an adult can be very difficult. Firstly, the older you are, the more likely it is that you've picked up on social skills etc. and have some self-taught coping strategies for your issues, so making a DX is not that clear-cut. From my experience, some of the DX process is like a process of elimination, where they check to see if a) your issues have been present since childhood, and b) if they have been caused by another issue not related to ASD.

So if you are thinking of getting assessed, then it's a good idea to start digging out your school reports, asking your parents how you were as a child and making a list of issues that are currently impacting on you and which you believe are being caused by ASD.

Personally I'm not into the whole "self-DX" shebang, although I know there are people on WP who have given themselves the ASD label. I'm not a fan basically because the only way you can get a DX is through objective opinion, and there's no way you can be objective about yourself and your experiences.

The diagnostic process I was put through did not involve anything a coping mechanism would have hidden. It was mostly about processing speed and perception. They do screen for other pathologies to eliminate any other condition, but if the psychologist administering the testing is competent, acquired coping mechanisms shouldn't get in the way.

However, some Mental Health professionals apparently will express a good deal of skepticism when an adult asks to be tested, if they are fooled by coping mechanisms into thinking the testing unnecessary - some dumbasses think if you can make eye contact at the age of 35, you can't possibly have AS.



Classic AS Executive Function problem. That's not going to get any better. Down the road, that formal diagnosis may be very important for your survival. There is no cure, and the decision to see a psychologist might be more important than any job or date you ever get.

Last edited by Willard on 26 Jul 2010, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Knowing that "it" has a name has helped me immensely.

I am fine with a self-diagnosis, but if you really feel that an official one would help you, then by all means go for it.

Absolutely. That may be the best reason to get a diagnosis, if it will help you understand yourself.

That's kind of my gut feeling, really. At this point in time, any greater ambitions are likely to fail due to a lack of understanding of the situation, others, and myself. I feel like I'm late at getting into "life" but I shouldn't jump the gun. I need to know more about why I'm so clueless about the world, its social systems, and why I struggle to see how to move through that mess.

I'm in the initial stages of the diagnosis process. From what I understand, it can be quite cost prohibitive but if that's not an issue for you then I'd say go for it. I'm in the military, so my healthcare is free Additionally, I recommend reading Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. At the back of the book, there are additional resources which are very helpful and there are quite a few books written about coping strategies specifically tailored for socialising and romance/relationships. I do not condone illegal downloading, but there is a torrent file which contains fifteen books on AS if you're not morally objected to going that route.

Thanks for the recommendation! I've seen the book mentioned here a few other times, and the reviews sounded pretty glowing, so I just now used this Barnes & Noble gift card that I've had money left on forever to order one online.

I really don't know a thing about how to start the path to diagnosis. I also don't know how my work's medical insurance pays for that sort of thing (if at all). There are certainly a lot of things I need to look into, but perhaps the first step is to motivate myself to read this book!

I was d/x'd at 10 years old so i have always had a label to go with my personality. I only discuss it with people i am VERY close to. I can count the people on one hand, i do not tell employers, i do not want special treatment, i do not allow myself to exhibit AS traits in public. Regardless of dx, society still expects 100% functioning, so i put in my best and then decompress when i get home, there are somedays im ready to rip my own head off, but at least ive "put on a good show" for society.

A dx can be helpful if you're seeking gov't assistance, but otherwise, its just a name.

Very true. I try to operate that way too.

Do you need treatment or services to function? If yes, seek a diagnosis. If no, do not.

Great post -- this part really speaks how I feel after being aware that I fit into the spectrum only for the last 2 months.
You gotta stick to this confidence and really work hard to avoid caging yourself with thoughts that hold you down and tell you that you'll never be capable of engaging others emotionally or explaining who you really are in social settings. Because it just isn't true, it is just the habit of micro-focusing getting in the way of a correct big-picture self-perception.

I am not sure if you've done any reading but Tony Attwood would be a super great starting point. I am about to start searching for something by him to provide me with the tools I would need to start learning these self-improvements. He sort of covers the idea of his strategies in the Complete Guide to asperger's syndrome but I am thinking there is probably more material to get into that can be used to help yourself. I tried to go to a clinic but I felt I was horribly, severely misunderstood (due to my own inability to present myself)