How should one tell other people about meltdowns?

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...or should one tell them at all?

I am very calm, and I meltdown very, very rarely. People who know me see me as collected, logical, reserved, and perhaps cold and removed. My brother used to call me "Mr. Spock." Although I am not much of a Star Trek fan, I think this is a good comparison as I am normally highly intellectual and seemingly void of emotion; however, when I do become outwardly emotional, it can look quite violent. I have never hit anyone, but I scared the few people who have seen me in an intense emotionally expressive state. When I actually meltdown, I tend to hit and break things more than I curl up or cry.

I am concerned about this because I can easily see a situation in which I develop some sort of relationship with another person and maintain it quite well for many years, only to absolutely terrify them by yelling, hitting, and acting in a way that seems generally insane, particularly for someone they had previously known to be extremely calm. I would be less concerned if I had more frequent mild outbursts as I have seen with some other aspies; however, I do not normally have these. With me, it tends to be all or nothing.

I am curious about your opinions on whether or not it is a good idea to explain meltdowns to other people. How would you suggest meltdowns be explained or how have you explained them in the past?

Why not just say you're completely overwhelmed? It's an accurate and honest statement.

My family got the message I have meltdowns when I started showing them to them. Besides, its NT misbehavior that causes Aspies to have meltdowns. Why the hell are we allowed to roam free in a society that doesn't really care for us or even want to understand, its all a big nothing, a show.

Reaction from family and friends varies, in my experience. Also, my meltdowns occur more due to sensory overload than to the behavior of other people. I avoid activities and interactions with people that are likely to cause a meltdown, but I can't always avoid strong light or loud noises.

Since I hide in my bedroom closet during meltdowns, I often tell a friend about it simply by saying I was driven into my closet by too much noise, sunlight, or whatever stimulus caused it. Since I live alone at present, no one actually sees it happen. Those who have seen it in the past either took the time to understand, or are no longer in my life.

It is easier to explain it beforehand than to explain it afterwords.

If and when it comes to a head, the person who you could have told beforehand, will not know what is happening, and will be more afraid as a result. It is also possible that if the person knows beforehand, that if and when it happens that they will be able to do things that will help, and not hinder... which normal reactions would hinder, not help... at least in my case.

I honestly wish, with all my heart that I knew enough about meltdowns before the last time I had one. Even just enough to ensure those who were around me knew about them. Afterwords there is nothing you can do... you cannot change history, time is on a forward arrow. But you can act preemptively so that there is less you would in the future wish you could re-write about your history.

How to tell them about them.... That's not really that easy. And I can say that my meltdowns often happen like what you described, though I do get other ones more like depression. The anger ones scare me. But they are a part of me, and at times, they are not something that I can change about myself. I can act in ways that will reduce the chances of them happening... but not eliminate that chance.

I think the best way would be in the discussion about AS in general. Try to describe the kind of things you would likely do under the circumstances... If you can think of things that might help when you're in that state, tell them that.

If you care about the person... It's my honest suggestion that you DO tell them about meltdowns... If they're unwilling to stand beside you, they likely aren't worth caring about in the first place.

However, in some cases the best way to stand beside someone is to keep your distance. If that person is unable to act in a way that would help you through it, and/or you need to get through it all on your own, then the person needs to take a time off just as much as you do. Caring CAN mean separation, and it CAN hurt a lot. You know yourself better than anyone else, so do whatever you have to do to protect who you care about, and yourself.

Seriously? I mean, SERIOULSY? If that's the only reason you have melt downs, because of the behaviors of nonautistic people, consider yourself lucky. I have melt downs because of dentists (which has nothing to do with his autism or lack thereof), because of being hot and unable to sleep on time, because of my TV show not being showed as scheduled, because of blood sugar issues (I have type I diabetes), because of clothing being uncomfortable, because of losing/misplacing things, because of routines being upset, because of things not going as planned, often because of sensory issues or sometimes for seemingly no reason at all... very, very rarely do I melt due to "NT misbehavior."

Don't blame other people for what you can fix yourself. You're in charge of your emotions, not other people.