Why are people so phony when they dont have to be?

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This girl I work with for example always tells me how awesome I am, what a great guy I am ect. so I asked her and her husband who also works there if theyd like to hang 1 night. This other guy in the office was having a birthday thing, and I invited myself, but actually I wanted her and her husband to hang out with because I thought they were both cool.

Her and her hubby have been social before with other people in the office, so I thought "why not with me! Mabye I can actually be friends with them and then meet other people!"...

But I go to this coworkers birthday thing and guess what? Yep her and her hubby dont show.

The next day they dont even offer an explanation. It was as if the conversation never happened. Oh...and now shes acting kind of "weird" around me. F*cking idiot.

I knew it. This is why I dont trust people. THIS IS THE F*CKING REASON I DONT APPROACH PEOPLE. This is why I AM A PARANOID F*CKING MESS.

Basically by her and her hubby not showing up, then not even offering an explanation, it told me a few things. ONE is that her kindness and bullsh*t about how awesome I was, was just that: BULLSH*T and TWO they dont LIKE ME and they NEVER HAD ANY INTEREST in being my friend.

Heres my question: WHY EVEN F*CKING BOTHER PRETENDING YOU LIKE ME then act surprised when I ask you to hang? Then act WEIRD afterwards?

I F*CKING CANNOT STAND PEOPLE!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

can someone answer????

Maybe she likes you very much in a work context but doesn't feel like becoming a real good friend in a private one?

And maybe that couple wasn't invited to the birthday party?
Or had already planned something else before that for that very evening?

Mabye I should be more specific...SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO COME!! !

What the h*ll does that mean??

You like someone or you dont!! Ive never heard of "Gee I like him at work, but not outside of it"...thats rather ODD to me, and sounds like a nice way of saying "I JUST DONT LIKE YOU. PERIOD".

zena is probably right. Maybe they're nice to you because... well, that's how you're supposed to treat people. And they might be afraid you're getting too clingy.

Just a guess. I don't know.

So asking someone to hang out after knowing them for 2 years is "clingy" huh?

This is what I dont understand about developing friendships. Whenever I try to develop a friendship I am perceived as "clingy"...please explain to me how to develop a friendship without being perceived as clingy? Should I wait at least 10 years before asking them if theyd like to get a beer one night? Or is 10 years too clingy? 20 years...is that OK?

Im so sick of this F*CKING SH*T. Too clingy...fine. I wont ask ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING and Im going to LOCK MYSELF IN MY F*CKING ROOM.

Happy? Or is that not enough? Am I allowed to say "hi" or is that ALSO too clingy?

EDIT: Just so you know, this woman has asked me to hang with her before and said she was going to get back to me. She never did though. So I thought she might actually (GASP!!) enjoy grabbing a beer with me with her hubby...silly me.

Last edited by injuredmind on 31 Jul 2010, 3:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's also possible that they had a hindrance of last minute, personal or family related for instance, that they don't want to talk about. It happens.

If they did they would have said "sorry we got hung up".

So that explanation is BULLSH*T.

From the way you're speaking/writing to me here, without even knowing me, I know now that I wouldn't like to hang out with you either.

Your mind may be injured but it's not a good reason to be angry with me.

Chill lol. Some people you just don't click with (which happens more often than not with aspies). Besides, they probably didn't know that going to the party meant so much to you.

Yes, because I act "just like this" in public. Angry and mad at people.

Im obviously frustrated. With your last reply, my frustration is only building.

Please explain how I acted "clingy"?? You know what, dont even bother.

Let me explainsomething to you: These people act like they like me. They tell me how great I am. Then they DONT WANNA HANG OUT. Thats why Im upset here. Do you "get it" now? I dont act like this at work or outside.

Man...it is so difficult trying to explain this. No offense, but its like trying to teach advanced physics to a 5 year old. You just "dont get" what Im saying to you, and its frustrating to me.

So if I "dont click" with her why is she always talking to me? Why did she ask me to do stuff with her in the past? Why did she ACT like she wanted to be friends? Why does she say things like "you are such a great guy" ALL THE TIME, then act shocked if I ask her to hang?

YES IT MEANS ALOT TO ME. I DONT HAVE ANYONE. SHE KNOWS I HAVE A.S. too so dont give me that crap about her "not knowing" how much this meant to me. SHE KNOWS I COULD USE A FRIEND and she f*cking BAILED on me without so much as a fake reason as to why she did.

I HATE PEOPLE and Im NEVER going to try to make any more friends EVER because all people are LOWLIFE LIARS.

How are you being CLINGY???????????????? Read above.

From your posts you seem like a douche anyway, so I don't blame them.

Bye.

I would ask her why she never showed up.