Does a firm handshake mean anything to you?

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DrGonzo
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05 May 2006, 11:37 pm

My former boss told me that my handshake was weak, so i tried to be a bit more firm in my handshake. Then, people told me that i gripped too hard and that was worse than having a weak handshake. Now im hearing that the first handshake of a job interview can determine if you get the job or not. How much importance to you place on a handshake and how did you learn to give the proper pressure for a handshake? Personally, i don't see why it is important at all. It seems like some kind of ritual that isn't important, but people place importance upon it because that's what they've always done.



sc
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06 May 2006, 12:07 am

I was very formal and shook everyones hand while I was in business, it was a habbit. Sometimes I did it to firm.



walk-in-the-rain
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06 May 2006, 12:28 am

I don't like shaking hands with strangers for a few reasons (OCD issues, sensory) and I personally would find a strong handshake very intrusive and think the other person was trying to intimidate or dominate. I usually TRY to send off strong "don't want to shake hands signals" - most NTs can pick up on those clues and don't force the issue. But then I'll make sure to smile or say something friendly so they don't think I'm being mean.



noodle
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06 May 2006, 12:48 am

Here are a few rules I learned about handshakes in school. . .

You should give a firm, but not hard, grip that matches the other person. Try squeezing your own hand to see how it feels. it should be like a firm hug. If it is too limp, it seems like you are disinterested. If it is too hard it is agressive and can hurt the other person, making them not like you. Try to make sure the pressure comes across the whole flat part of the hand, front/back, rather than angled across the fingers. You can give a little more pressure this way without the risk of hurting them. Try squeezing only with your fingers and not your thumb.



paulsinnerchild
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06 May 2006, 2:00 am

Step on their foot if it gets too firm. I find it works every time :twisted:
You could really stamp in their foot if you feel like they are literally about to break your hand, but no handshake in my experience has ever come to that yet.
If it ever comes to that it would be a case of - you break my hand, I break your foot.



Hel
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06 May 2006, 7:42 am

One of my teachers once told me that my handshake is really floppy...
I always hate shaking hands for this reason although it doesn't happen that often.
I don't place that much importance on handshakes myself although saying that, I shook hands with someone I met recently and it did stick in my mind that their handshake was really firm.. :lol:



parts
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06 May 2006, 9:26 am

I'm not really into shaking hands and try to avoid it but when nessasary I just try to match whatever force they are using . but I would rather not have too.


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06 May 2006, 1:41 pm

I'm amazed how I recently started thinking like an NT about this. Years ago, people told me that my handshake was "wrong." "WTF?", I thought. So by years of trial and error, I learned the "right" way of shaking hands. Ironically, instead of being sympathetic, I actually started making judgments based on a person's handshakes. For instance, if someone introduces me to a girl, and her handshake is kind of weak, I immediately assume that she doesn't really want to meet me, and act accordingly.



ThatsMyBoy
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06 May 2006, 4:57 pm

It's amazing how much "meaning" a lot of folks will implant into a handshake.

I used to be in a job where I had to shake a lot of hands, and learned a few lessons:

- Understand that it's an important social function to most people, even if you think it's pointless disgusting or useless. So by giving a good handshake, you're showing respect, and who wants to be dis-respectful toward your friends, acquaintances, bosses and colleagues?

- Since most introductions or meetings usually go in a predictable sequence, you'll have a mental split second or two to prepare - so you won't be surprised/flustered and will do a good job

- It's easy to mess up the initial "link-up" so I always mentally slow down and focus on looking at the other person's hand as I'm reaching, to ensure basically that we get the thumb/forefinger web of skin to hook up properly (key to a good handshake)

- The grip is well-discussed elsewhere. One thing about shaking lots of hands, everybody has different pressure requirements; but you can predict a lot by who it is - for example, nice old ladies don't usually have crushing grips, but type-A sales reps wearing "look-at-me" silk neckties... well, handshaking is a competitive sport with them. Be prepared.

- Also be sure to wrap your fingers around the others _hand_ and not their fingers.

- Then as soon as you've made good web-to-web contact and are easing into the pressure, look into your new acquaintances eyes, allow a friendly smile and say "nice to meet you" or whatever standard line you use.

Note that all of the above happens in a second or two... isn't the human mind amazing?



Seigneur
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06 May 2006, 6:18 pm

It's impolite to be firm with a woman, and it's also impolite to extend your hand unless she does first. So it's easier with women.



Aspie1
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06 May 2006, 6:52 pm

Seigneur wrote:
It's impolite to be firm with a woman, and it's also impolite to extend your hand unless she does first. So it's easier with women.

Actually, that's changing. Now it's perfectly acceptable to extend a hand to a woman first. Also, it's considered sexist and/or patronizing to give a woman an softer-than-normal handshake.



Seigneur
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06 May 2006, 7:07 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Seigneur wrote:
It's impolite to be firm with a woman, and it's also impolite to extend your hand unless she does first. So it's easier with women.

Actually, that's changing. Now it's perfectly acceptable to extend a hand to a woman first. Also, it's considered sexist and/or patronizing to give a woman an softer-than-normal handshake.

I'm not going to extend my hand anyway...



sc
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06 May 2006, 7:59 pm

I just gave everyone the same handshake.

I don't shake peoples hands anymore, i'm not the business person anymore, though that whole experience seemed more like the improbable coming true, I never doughted it so I just did what I saw business people did on T.V. I suppose it is a persona mentality.



hell_grey
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06 May 2006, 9:12 pm

a floppy handshake makes me feel like the other person doesn't want to shake my hand and doesn't appreciate my presence or something. a firm handshake is very important. and oh my god, pet peeve, i hate when people try to put a twist on their handshake, like make it different somehow.... like shaking with their fingers and not their whole hand... kinda hard to explain.



pzrn
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07 May 2006, 5:16 am

I like a firm handshake from women as well as men. To me it projects strength and self confidence. I don't care for wimpy handshakes especially from men, it conveys weakness. Sounds terrible, but that's the feeling I get from handshakes.

Pet peeve for me is when women just offer their fingers instead of an open handshake, how do you shake someones fingers? May be what hell_grey refers to.



Aeriel
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07 May 2006, 7:48 am

pzrn wrote:
I like a firm handshake from women as well as men. To me it projects strength and self confidence. I don't care for wimpy handshakes especially from men, it conveys weakness. Sounds terrible, but that's the feeling I get from handshakes.


I agree with this and don't think it sounds terrible.

To get a handshake right, I applied the same techniques that I used to mimic all NT social behaviors: observation and practice.