Trouble Handling Constructive Criticism

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Yesterday my mom and I were talking about art and the subject of constructive criticism came up. She says I have always been really bad at taking constructive criticism. She gave the example that when I was a child/teenager and I wore an outfit that was fashionably unacceptable and she asked me to change, I would throw a fit. In the past, whenever I have posted writing/drawings online and people criticized them, it made me really hurt and angry. I'd spend days crying over one negative comment.

I know that makes me a really poor sport in the art world so that's why I never share my work anymore. But at the same time, I want to be able to grow and learn as an artist and become better at what I do. I know that one of the only ways to do that is getting criticized, but I have such a hard time separating myself emotionally from my pieces that I have trouble not taking constructive criticism as a personal attack.

Is anyone else the same way? Do you know of any ways to become less sensitive to criticism?

That seems a weird example. It's your right to wear what you like no matter what the current fashions are.

I know but when I go out in public my mom has to make sure that my outfit looks OK. She's not snobby or obsessed with fashion; I have a really poor sense of fashion and she just doesn't want people to make fun of me. If I had my way I'd dress like a little kid with shirts that have cartoons on them and overalls and things, but that's not appropriate for a woman my age.

Anyway this topic is about constructive criticism and not fashion.

When I was younger I didn't accept constructive criticism because I didn't want to hear that I was doing something wrong. I don't know whether it was because of my ego (most of the time, it was linked to painting and drawing and my family always told me I was good at it, pretty talented, so guess it... I never thought they were saying that just because they couldn't draw or because I was someone they loved) or just because of my personal history.

But that was probably because of my ego.

I've learnt to accept constructive criticism, now I can't stand positive or negative comments when they aren't constructive. It's better that way because I give a lot of constructive criticism and people accept it. I now I'm in no way superior to them and that I need criticism to improve socially or when I do something I enjoy like drawing.

Anyway, your example is a bit strange in my opinion. What is fashionably acceptable depends on fashion and fashion fluctuates through times. I don't find that "constructive" to prevent someone from wearing what they like and I think you were right not to accept it.

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Last edited by n4mwd on 11 Aug 2010, 7:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Do I have to say it again? This topic is not about fashion. It is about constructive criticism. My mom only has my best interests in mind when she asks me to change clothes.

The biggest issue I've had is not knowing how to respond to criticism... giving proper feedback to the NT...

I solved the fashion issue in Aspie fashion by watching What Not to Wear, surfing the Internet, and studying books. Now I know exactly what to wear... so I can cross that issue off my list of things to work on.

I remember a scene in Bull Durham in which the young prodigy pitcher was been taught to say memorized bland phrases for reporters. Would it help to respond similarly to criticism???

Last edited by BTDT on 11 Aug 2010, 7:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have a serious issue handling constructive criticism. Sometimes I flip out about it.

I think most people have trouble handling criticism of any kind. However carefully it's done, it usually stings. And there's often a power dimension to it - basically somebody's telling you that you need to change your behaviour, though objectively all we really know is that somebody has a problem with something you're doing or not doing. It could be just as good a solution for them to change their attitude to you, but there they are telling you that such and such is just not acceptable and that you must mend your ways.

One way out of that dilemma is to measure right and wrong in emotional terms - if my behaviour annoys somebody a great deal, then that in itself might be enough reason for me to change it. But naturally it's important to track the frequency of these events and to make reasonably sure that no individual ends up giving all the criticism and getting all the adjustments.

I guess for me criticism is just one of a number of ways of making demands on a person. I try not to do it, and instead I try to just spell out what I want from people, without worrying too much about what the average person would want or what's generally considered to be fair - naturally that kind of comparison can be useful in persuading somebody to toe my preferred line, but ultimately what people want is what it is, however unusual - the only thing left to determine is whether or not the recipient wants to give it. I think it's better to just ask rather than to criticise, though obviously if somebody's really taking you for a ride, there will come a point when you're too angry to do it the nice way, and in that situation it often pays to forget the politically correct pussyfooting and just rail at them.

I have troublr from time to time when handling constructive criticism.


If the criticism comes from someone I barely know or someone that doesn´t get along with me well I just ignore it and pretend no one said a thing.


If the criticism comes from someone I know I usually think they are only trying to help me and if I think about what they say things will be better, that kind of stuff.

The problem is from time to time I get critiziced for something I don´t think needs change and I end up having a discussion with someone when I should just realize they are still trying to help me even though we have different views.

I'm mostly the same way. Any mention of what in my work needs to improve leaves me hurt, which I attribute to me being a perfectionist. If I find others view my works as less than perfect I feel awful for days. Even when someone says they're are 'good' I still get upset. Because I have this silly issue with not seeing 'good' as actually good.

The best thing I've been able to do to deal with it is pounding into my mind that the person giving the constructive criticism is trying to help me, as you stated, improve, not attack me. I should be grateful someone is taking the time to do so, and aren't just choosing to flame my work.

Criticism cannot be constructive unless/until it is accepted, and I have no problem accepting facts from nurturing people.

I'll accept it and then beat myself up mentally about it for days or weeks.

I can get very upset and offended by people criticising me, even if it's for my own good.

Yes and no.

I have no problem, but it has to be actually "constructive". I.e., if someone tells me I'm doing something wrong, they had better tell me how to go about fixing it; because otherwise it just makes me feel horrible to know I've made a mistake and don't know what to do about it.

I even encourage people to give constructive criticism. It is a way to learn things (I am always in the mood to learn new things, whether they are on the social area, or on other areas). I have slightly more trouble with people that have criticisms but don't express it. They are afraid that I will get angry. But being silent about things that they want me to change, won't help anyone. I will keep doing those things, and they will get bothered or irritated (depending what these things exactly are).

Accepting constructive criticism has advantages to both me and people having given them. I learned something new, and they will be satisfied as well.