Because it "takes a village"....

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My son is three. I have not had him formally diagnosed (and I have no plan to unless it becomes necessary in the future). He's been classified autistic by the school so he can get services.

His strengths - he learns very quickly and easily. He is able to problem solve. He likes people and he laughs very easily. He has a very good memory. He is very concerned about correctness which makes him incredibly easy to discipline. He is very discerning and I think he's a good judge of character. That may seem weird, or it may not - I usually know I don't like something or someone immediately and about 90% of the time I find out there's good reason.
Weaknesses - he is obviously affected - he flaps and has no concept of personal space at all. When he interacts with people, he does so in funny ways (he likes to get right up to your face and make a squint smile). He is having tremendous difficulty decoding social language and interaction. He is not good at reading faces at all. His language acquisition style is making it hard for him to progress, but he progressing.

I'm also on the spectrum and my development was different. There are things that are similar (we were/are both hyperlexic and we both learned spoken phrases and apply them to what we think might be appropriate situations), but there's quite a bit that's not.

I suffered tremendously as a child because I was teased and very often misunderstood others or was misunderstood by them. I'm old enough where it's not that much of a bother - certain situations can be exhausting. Living where we do is making it more complicated because the social rules are so different and I am not really interested in the flowery game playing that goes along with accomplishing a task. I have the support of friends and family however who can appreciate me for who I am, and we're in the process of moving closer to where they are. I am generally content with my life.

I love my son dearly and I want to do everything I can to support him in whatever it is that he chooses to do. I want to do whatever I can to give him the tools he needs. I am not confident in many treatment trends and will not make my child a guinea pig. I don't want to cure him. I want him to be confident in himself (something I lacked for many years). So I am asking you to tell me what you wish people had done for you, or things that they did do that worked. I want opinions and suggestions because I want to be the best parent I can, and I can't think of a better group to ask than people who share similar or the same issues we do.

Thanks in advance,
Countess

My grandmother and mother always indulged my "quirks" and need to be alone. My grandmother, in fact, actually kept me from socializing too much with other kids which I actually appreciated - then and now. I think that wouldn't appeal to everyone, but it worked for me. My mother encouraged my pursuit of any interest that arose and supported me in ballet and piano - both time consuming activities requiring a great deal of commitment. I naturally gravitated to the more solitary activities, though had I not, encouragement in that direction would have been a good idea.

My dad and his wife actually teased me for reading and doing my own thing - that wasn't helpful.

I figured out lipreading on my own and I think it's a great skill to have, especially if one has CAPD or difficulty hearing when there's background noise. Just telling a kid to watch people's mouths when they talk can be helpful if they have eye contact issues or processing problems.

Encouragement, that's the biggest thing - being supportive of the sometimes weird interests that arise.

Countess,

You wrote that perfectly! You will do fine in helping him progress, I know it. My mother and father didnt know what was wrong with me growing up. I was treated as a problem child trying to cause chaos because I didnt understand the rules, even when told. I was told the traditional religious reasoning behind things, god doesnt like it. Thats not good enough. You can teach a child to have faith in a religion but you have to do it for the right reasons, not controlling an autistic child. It ended up with me resenting many/most religions/

As happy music has stated, you should encourage them to seek what interests them, and support their obsessions(unless unhealthy of course). Solitary may be something he needs to learn to enjoy. we all have our limits to how much social interaction we can deal with.

Believe in your son and you will be able to teach him what he needs to know...

You will be a much better parent just by the fact that you are not attempting to change him, but rather help him and still love him for who he is.

I also waited years to get a diagnosis for my son, although at around age 3 I thought something was not quite right. I read alot and finally he was diagnosed at age 5 because the school wanted it that way...long story. Anyway, I have homeschooled him ever since...I do NOT make him either play with kids, stay with other kids or be alone...I let him JUST BE...Because I am not so good with other people and my husband is extremely social, we have agreed to move into an apt complex by the beach where basically every weekend it is full of people walking around, having barbecues, playing tennis, kids running scooters, bikes, etc...this has given him the OPPORTUNITY to socialize when he wants to vs. in a house where most kids are locked up or if they do socialize it is usually only with other kids. Here he knows EVERY SINGLE dog's name, the adults LOVE him...he has quite a few ADULT friends that watch out for him, etc...


Many parents of kids with autism continuously tell me that my kid doesn't seem autistic, but believe me, he didn't even play with us until he was almost 6...but I think the key is to let HIM BE! Clue into what makes him calm (for my kiddo long baths...I don't complain...he can take 3-4-5 a day if he wants)...if all kids are out and he wants to be with the neighborhood cats and dogs or birds, I don't complain...but yet he is exposed to enough people to go into social situations and out as he feels he needs.

At age 8 he still didn't know how to ride a bike...we didn't push it...at age 9 we saw him riding a bike where we live...hehe...out of the blue...he now has his own bike that he rides daily for at least a couple of hours a day, when he wants to...

We also have sacrificed alot, especially financially to live here, but he is in NORMAL kid Karate classes...the teacher treats him like all other kids...he is now learning a second language although amazingly enough needed a speech therapist for his first language that he is still attending...

Our schooling is NOT structured, but more John Holt type and he is doing great...some things he is slower at (his handwriting is not very good), but he knows alot about science, geography, etc...and heck, he's learning a second language so I'm not going to beat him down over it. It has worked for us. I do spend countless hours trying to figure out what interests him and finding ideas, websites, books, videos, etc...for him on whatever the current topic is that he is interested in...he learns very quickly this way...

Right now I am building a zazzle store with stuff related to our country and he has started making some drawings of things he thinks I should include there...it's given us a way to teach history, etc...about where we live in a very natural way vs. YOU MUST read X even though you don't care about it...

Good luck...appreciate your son, treat him as all other kids but be understanding when he needs to be alone or has to focus for hours on something he enjoys...let him jump on the bed, get dirty, ride a bike, play in the sand, play with water, swing in his room in some type of swing for hours if he wants, etc...he will greatly benefit from it.