Does he actually understand on the same level as me?

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NomadicAssassin
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17 Aug 2010, 3:48 pm

Ok so background information, I have both Severe Depression and Anxiety, plus AS and forgive MIT this is all ready included with AS, a bit of ADHD and OCD. Now my dad had PTSD along with some depression and anxiety, he is much better at handling it now but that about 5+ years of time and he much older than me, oh and I'm 16 male, now I want to know does he understand the feelings the confusion I get all day, because he says he get everything that I'm going through because he's been there, now this may just be me but I do beleive that having AS has added alot of other stuff, that he doesn't understand, pls comment.


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buryuntime
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17 Aug 2010, 4:01 pm

NomadicAssassin wrote:
Ok so background information, I have both Severe Depression and Anxiety, plus AS and forgive MIT this is all ready included with AS, a bit of ADHD and OCD. Now my dad had PTSD along with some depression and anxiety, he is much better at handling it now but that about 5+ years of time and he much older than me, oh and I'm 16 male, now I want to know does he understand the feelings the confusion I get all day, because he says he get everything that I'm going through because he's been there, now this may just be me but I do beleive that having AS has added alot of other stuff, that he doesn't understand, pls comment.

He probably means just understanding adolescence.



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17 Aug 2010, 4:39 pm

That he understands some of it. He has personal experience to draw upon, and that he's trying.

Now, if it looks like a discussion is starting to turn into an argument where either you or your Dad is taking argument or "points" or "being right" and it looks like one or both of you are starting to take it too personally, try and take it to the side or step to the side and just let it be, that you don't need to agree about everything.

And maybe on a later day, again explain what's important to you in kind of a different diagonal way.

And I guess I also recommend what I've heard called measured disclosure. Share a medium amount of something and see if the person accepts it, works with you, gives advice that seems good advice, maybe shares something similar about themselves, etc. A medium amount to start with.



MrXxx
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17 Aug 2010, 5:45 pm

Not trying to draw any firm conclusions, but this sounds really familiar, except that I'm the dad in this case. I've said the same things to my Autistic sons. Now I know I'm on the spectrum. Maybe that's why. Is it possible he's been on the spectrum too, all of his life, and never knew it?

The fact that I am has a lot to do with why my kids weren't diagnosed the first couple of times I had them evaluated. The forms they give parents ask them to compare their kids to typical kids. If you think YOU were typical as a kid, and didn't realize you were on the spectrum, you might fill those forms out as if your kids ARE typical, when they're not really. It wasn't until I realized I might think just like they do, and neither they NOR I are typical, and asked a lot of people who knew me, and got feed back from them that I'm not really typical at all, that my kids were finally reevaluated, and diagnosed.

If he really does get what you are going through, it may be because he's on the spectrum too, and just never thought about or realized it.

Then again, maybe he only THINKS he knows, and doesn't really understand. Confused yet?

Sorry. Don't mean to. But it is what it is. Whatever that is. You may only think he doesn't know what you're going through, because that may just be part of your Autism. Not believing anyone can relate to your experiences can be part of it. It isn't always true. Sometimes people can. Sometimes even NT's can actually relate. We can have a tendency not to believe they can, if WE can't. It's hard for us to imagine that others are capable of things we aren't.


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Last edited by MrXxx on 17 Aug 2010, 7:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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17 Aug 2010, 6:51 pm

buryuntime wrote:
NomadicAssassin wrote:
Ok so background information, I have both Severe Depression and Anxiety, plus AS and forgive MIT this is all ready included with AS, a bit of ADHD and OCD. Now my dad had PTSD along with some depression and anxiety, he is much better at handling it now but that about 5+ years of time and he much older than me, oh and I'm 16 male, now I want to know does he understand the feelings the confusion I get all day, because he says he get everything that I'm going through because he's been there, now this may just be me but I do beleive that having AS has added alot of other stuff, that he doesn't understand, pls comment.

He probably means just understanding adolescence.


I think so too. People shouldn't say they understand how you feel unless they actually went through it themselves. :roll:
Misunderstanding you and thinking you are talking about adolescence just proves he doesn't understand how you feel (at least, not completely).