A note to explain to people that I am having a meltdown

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Thank-you to Kaijie at this forum, who gave me the idea for this a few months ago. I have changed the wording to suit my own particular 'style' of meltdowns. I seem to have two kinds, the explosive kind (which I personally classify as a meltdown) and the quiet, more controlled kind (which is less distressing for eveyone including me) which is nevertheless still exhausting.

I am going to keep this in my wallet from now on: (Of course, the font sizes and bullets and other formatting in the real version have been executed with more aspie precision than is possible here...)

Front of note (mostly big text):

I'm handing you this note because I'm having a sensory shutdown or an autistic meltdown, and I'm finding it difficult to communicate.

A medical professional is not needed unless I'm injured or indicating that I need help. I'll be OK.

A shutdown or meltdown occurs occasionally due to abnormal processes in specific parts of my brain. I was born with Asperger's Syndrome, which is a kind of autism. If more information would be helpful to you, please read the back of this note.

Back of note (mostly smaller text):

I might:

Not respond appropriately to what is going on.
Be rude or very blunt when talking. I'm sorry about this.
Be unable to talk at all, and able to write only.
Look at you in a strange way.
Please don't take offence.
Walk away from what's happening to try to recover.
Turn away and shut my eyes and ears. I am trying to shut out sensory stimuli.
Make unusual or repetitive movements, sit down on the floor or curl up. This happens naturally and helps my senses to start working together again. Recovery may take a while.

Please do not make any physical contact with me unless you've asked me if I want to be held, or unless I request it.

Please try to:

Explain what you are doing or what is happening.
Use clear, unambiguous language. I could easily get confused or misinterprete things at the moment.
Tell me if there is a corner where I can go to recover.

Thank-you.

hi, Alphabetania.

i remembered seeing a card for similar purpose,

front of card:


reverse side of card:


.pdf version (click)

originally from (click)

I think cards are a great idea. I carry an Autism Alert card that is available in the UK with similar information. A couple of people have mentioned that in emergency situations, sometimes a card kept in a pocket might not be found until after the "crisis" is over.... I know not everyone would want to wear one, but for those of us who experience difficulties in this way, a medical bracelet visible on the wrist might help to alert someone to look for the card if needed. I don't know if such a thing exists though.

I agree. If someone tried to get in my pockets when I was behaving in such away it would only make it escalate worse for me. I doubt I'd think to give it to them, either.

They're a good idea, but I'm just thinking that if people are panicking and worried you're having a fit, they may not have time to read through detailed descriptions of AS.

this is where a 'Medic Alert" bracelet comes in handy. You can get one engraved with the short story "Autistic" and 'Look at the card in my wallet" etc.

I have one that says "Autistic" and "I want to comply with your orders, please give me a moment to compose myself."

it was $24.95 on their website

I agree with Lene, that's why I made the major text big, and the minor stuff small -- so people don't have to read through the blabla if they don't want to. I didn't want to use standard text from a card printed by an organisation, because I didn't feel that it quite fitted me.

I usually have sufficient capacity/presence of mind during a meltdown to at least give someone a note, so I don't think I need a bracelet. I just get very tired and useless during a meltdown when I try to think how to formulate sentences so that they won't be offensive or subject to misinterpretation (even in writing), so a pre-printed note would be helpful.

In the past when I was unable to control my actions I would have been able to say a lot of stuff in the moment, but it would all have caused conflict or distress for other people. Even now my meltdowns cause people distress, but it's getting better. As long as I can see reasonable options in the situation, I can at least turn a meltdown into a shutdown once I realise where it's headed (although even that can be interpreted as passive-aggressive, deliberately ignoring someone, or purposefully 'acting out'). If I feel trapped or falsely accused, or if I am scolded, I still go to the worst state which looks either like I'm communicating "You're a jerk and I'm gonna punish you" or "I'm a poor victim and you are a mean ogre". I can't seem to communicate in any way which doesn't bring across one of those two messages, and the fear of being interpreted in that way only makes things worse. What I am usually seeking is someone who is very calm, because calm people calm me -- and if they're not going to be calm, then it's best if they just go away.

PS: (To Tektek) That thing for the police could be handy; I don't know if I'd ever end up in such a bad state, because I don't get actively violent (in fact, I only ever hit someone if I have thought about it and if I am in control); I may however, last out at someone if they approach me and want to touch me, so that is a consideration.

Two aspie friends of mine (whom I shall call A and S) went out to play pool one evening and two girls started teasing them. A is the most "impaired" of all my aspie friends, and he lost his cool completely and started throwing the pool balls. (His memory of the incident is fairly distorted, and it was S who reminded him of the details.) Anyway, the security guard at the entertainment place beat him up, and he ended up in police custody and his poor mother had to pay a huge Admission of Guilt Fine -- and this only two days before they immigrated (all this on top of stress of packing up and moving to another continent)!

I keep a sign on my bar...I have become increasingly less shy about disclosure...I too-often have difficulty serving customers....
It really helps people just leave me alone...The way I explain myself is slightly humorous but so far has been effective...
I know this is off-topic from the idea of a card to give to people in the event of meltdowns...

I had a meltdown at the grocery store yesterday, and aside from a few stares, nobody bothered me....I have not have an "event" in public where others intervened..in a very long time...

But I have yelled at people behind the bar because I was having a meltdown or...was too overloaded to communicate properly...so always having a sign comes in handy

i am not sure if you were making this statement with a humours slant, but i did give a nod of the head and have a chuckle



that is not good!

the last time i went out on the town i had two young ladies try to get me beaten up in a queue at a taxi rank. i was standing midway in a 50m queue and they cut in front of me, i asked them to move on in a polite way "excuse me, the back of the queue is over there. would you mind? " etc... they ignored me, three times i asked in the same way, and then i gave up. after this they turned to the two large-ish guys in front of them and complained that i had been abusive and threatening!

thankfully the two guys had been able to hear my requests and promptly told both young ladies that they had only heard a polite words from me... they then told the young ladies to "go away" in less than civil manner, and then proceeded to draw a parallel between the style of dress, and attitude, of the young ladies and that of someone who may work on a street corner... hehe.

throughout the exchange between the young ladies and the large-ish guys i was teetering on the brink of melt-down, mind and heart racing. all i could do was focus on the other side of the street to keep myself from...

a) interjecting and pleading my innocence - which could be viewed as an admission of guilt by someone impaired by drink or drugs.

or

b) running - which may appear as an admission of guilt, and would potentially result in me being chased down and beaten.

i was not expecting the situation to turn out as it did.

I had one those cards that the National Autistic Society have given to me, incase I had a massive meltdown? which i've never used it
It looked something like this...



Source: www.nas.org.uk

How do you get one of these ? I'd feel much more comfortable going out in public with one.

What kind of bad-tempered, angry, depressive, weird hooligans do NTs take Aspies for?
Most Aspies don't start lashing out or covering their ears or backing away when somebody is speaking to them harshly. I take it as an insult if somebody expected me to do that.

Mostly people with Autism are more prone to lashing out or covering their ears when somebody is looking at them and speaking to them.

The other day at work, I was on the till, and I had 3 customers asking me something at once, and they were all looking at me and almost yelling to me......I coped. I didn't lash out or cover my ears.

And in any case, NTs can lash out at people too for th same reasons.

It all depends on what person you are really - not whether you've got AS or not.

someone mentioned the difficulty of the card being that people would require some time to read it.

my personal incidences make me believe that this would actually be very helpful. it would get the person to shut up for a couple seconds and give me a chance to remind myself that i'm a human being, with a brain...a "real person"....and not a tsunami or other natural disaster that is about to destroy them.

I like the idea and I hope it works for you, but I honestly can't see it working for me in any of the times this has happened to me (which has happened pretty much as described... I actually didn't know it was a typical Asperger's thing. My family just told me I was making myself hysterical (which I wasn't...)). I think the only people who have seen me gone into this full mode are family members. And really, none of them would care if I handed them a card they'd probably laugh in my face and tell me I was being overindulgent and pull myself together. When I was married my husband would freak out as a result and wouldn't know what to do... when I would tell him to just let me be alone, and sometimes I would even go into a closet or something to be dark and by myself, he would not leave me alone or let me stay there. He "didn't believe" in Asperger's though.

However, as I've gotten older I've learned how to handle this somewhat better in terms of controlling my body and behavior. I try to hold it together until I can leave the situation. If I am at work, I go into the bathroom or preferably this dark private room we have for private calls and such, turn out the lights, and stay there until I am calm. I have rarely given any explanation other than "I need a moment" or "I have to go", if that. With family it is worse, I have ended up leaving abruptly to get away from them. Last time this happened I felt very bad afterwards (I live far away and was there on a visit) and I tried to explain to my mother that I kept trying to leave the room to calm down and she kept following me and going on and on and would not leave me alone, until I felt the only thing I could do is leave. She didn't understand even when I explained it.

I don't think people should take a one-card-fits all approach.

Guiding principles:

- If you are not going to need such a card, don't carry one.
- If a card could help, ensure that it is appropriate to you. Don't put in any text that doesn't pertain to your meltdown behaviour. Don't make any references to lashing out if you are unlikely to lash out. Many aspies wouldn't like anyone to touch them at all when they are in that state. I do want it, provided that it is firm and I can really see that the person is calm and in control and trying to help, and guiding me to a place where I can recover.

BTW, since formulating that text, I have decided to change it somewhat before printing my next cards. I recently met someone online for whom a sensory shutown is really much more of a shutdown. Once she has passed a certain point of overload switches off, like a trip-switch, and there is no longer much sensation. She can't really hear much, feel much, or understand people's words at all. That, to me, sounds like a true shutdown. What I have experienced has not got to that point before, so, more accurately, I should be referring to sensory overload, and to a meltdown (which for me is usually a combination of sensory overload and emotional overload).