Self-acceptance and not caring about life, key to happiness?

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A few years ago, I drastically cared how I was perceived, and I worried about the distant future. My weaknesses made me feel inadequate. For example, not being book-smart enough to get a bachelor's degree, the not understanding various things in general due to Aspergers (before I was diagnosed), the fact that I wasn't a hunk or had the looks I thought I wish I could have (At one point, I was ridiculously jealous of David Duchovny...wished I could be him. Not Mulder, Duchovny himself.)

Since then, I've accepted my intelligence level...and that overall I'm pretty smart, just not in the traditional book sense and that I lack common sense in many cases due to Aspergers. I've accepted my looks and in fact, like the way I look. Sure, David Duchovny is a good looking man, but I'm happy with myself and my appearance.

More importantly, I've accepted my weaknesses as they relate to Aspergers...in my case, having severe ADD if I dislike something (I left the theater half-way through Inception due to lack of interest in the storyline or the movie itself)...not being able to drive, having to be picky about what jobs I can handle...the fact that I'll likely live with my parents throughout their whole lives and then have to move in with my brother or hope my parents leave me whatever house they're living in when they die.

I've stopped caring what people think about me or if people are judging me. I don't care that the majority of women find me at best average looking. I'm thankful for the fact that a small percentage of women including attractive women do find me attractive on some level. I don't care what extended family thinks, or what happened to me 10 years ago in high school. I'm not afraid to make an idiot out of myself and ask out girls (that I know) on facebook.

I haven't been living as much as I want to, but I just travelled for 2 weeks with my brother to Virginia Beach and Florida and had a good, interesting time, and had a gig with my band before we broke up, and have a great family life, and plan to work out. The point is, now that I don't care about the small details (who's saying what about who, minor character flaws in myself) or the big picture (the whole "what's the point of life?") and merely live day to day, it's allowed me to be as at peace as I've ever been.

Some people, even some Aspies on this site, might think it's "giving up" but I know my capabilities and what I'm good at and what I'm not. Unfortunately for me, my passion and my talent (music) doesn't pay the bills. A lot of Aspies are lucky that their special interest leads to a career.

I just want to know if anyone else has found that accepting yourself and caring less about life's outcomes has made you feel happier?

More accurate to say self-acceptance & not "worrying" about life than not caring about it.

but yeah, overall, i'd have to say i've been happier since i've learned to accept myself.
And trying not to worry about life too much is something that i just have to deal with, but i've gotten better at it over the years a bit, and my life has been happier for it.

however a little bit of worry is healthy.
If you stop worrying about paying your bills and end up slacking off for example,
that may be 'cause for concern .

Mid last September, I've decided not to act all tough, anymore. I've stopped spiking my hair, with coloured putty. I've stopped wearing leather, and skin tight pants. I've also stopped hiding my lips. I've gone from looking like a stuffed rat, to looking like Mick Avory. I don't mind, if people think I'm vulnerable, anymore, because I am.

I wouldn't say I don't care about life, only that I care about things that actually matter and try not to worry about other stuff. Things that actually matter being ethical questions, not status and things like that. I am more concerned about whether I have done the best I can for the rest of the world with what I have, rather than whether I am doing all the things people expect. Priorities help.

Good point. Thanks.

IMO, that's a very healthy attitude.

Soon after I left the hospital due to depression, these were my thoughts exactly.

I find that the more I'm accepting towards my disposition and less worrying about everything, the more happier and fulfilled I am. This was the theme of my last high school project. (It was largely inspired by The Beatles' song Let it Be...) However, I'm still working towards that goal. I don't know if I'll reach that point where I'm free of my own doubts, fear, and depression.

But yeah, I think it's the key to happiness. A hard to find key, but the key nonetheless.

I quit caring when I was 13 or 14. I no longer cared if people liked me or not or what people thought of me. If they thought I was rude or whatever, I didn't care because they didn't know me and they would chnage their minds if they knew me better. I also quit trying to fit in and started being myself and accepted the fact I was different and I will never be "normal." Of course I didn't really give up or I wouldn't have kept changing over the years and learning.

Yes. I don't take life as seriously as I used to, and it's helped. Most stuff doesn't really matter much in the grand scheme of things. Strangely enough the Zen people say that you have to get to the point where you don't care about the result before you can achieve enlightenment, because it's the caring that paradoxically keeps you from getting there. If you're too attached to the hope of goals and rewards, you can't focus properly on getting them.

I think I noticed the truth of all that long ago when I wanted a girlfriend. They wouldn't come near me until I gave up trying, then I became more successful . I've also heard other guys who have noticed this paradox in their own love lives. It's not a matter of not seeing any benefit in achieving a goal, it's a matter of not getting into a lather about it, not being too afraid of failure, not worrying about short-term gains or monitoring the pulse of whatever your ambition is.

It seems to me that when one begins to put the neurological parts together and discovers one is ADHD or Asperger/whatever, it is a life changing event. The thoughts/ideas you share in my view are normal thoughts/ideas associated with such personal revelation/realization and the awareness of life consequences (which can be managed).

Recall reading a post on a brain injury discussion board where the poster said acceptance was the only cure (a victim of a drive-by shooting) and once acceptance came, life began to slowly move forward.

About the idea of inattention

http://www.sportsconcussions.org/

For me, self-acceptance has been very important to happiness. I don't find that not caring about life brings happiness - rather, it simply protects from unhappiness. It creates a feeling of apathy.

I think caring about life is essential for happiness, but it's about what you choose to care about and what you choose to disregard as unimportant. I care about people who care about me, for instance - and if they have some constructive advice I would take it seriously. But if people don't care about me, and they are criticising in an unfriendly way, then I see no reason to care about them and their views - although, to be honest, in reality this is easier said than done. But I try to find the people and things that matter to me and to care about them.

But of course, if you care about anything, there will always be pain too - you can't totally protect yourself from emotional pain if you let yourself care. But the alternative is to stop feeling either happiness or unhappiness, and if I do that, I feel like I'm not alive. Although there are still times when I do it temporarily for self-protection.

I agree it's a healthy attitude. I don't think it's "the" key, and I think happiness is over-rated. It is often quite fine to be content.

I still care about how I am perceived (correctness is very important to me), but I am comfortable with myself. It's important to strike a balance there however. You don't ever want to be so comfortable that you miss an opportunity to grow as a person.

Question yourself because the question is worth asking, not because someone tells you it is.

dp

Yup